A Life to Remember
by thecoldest raindrops are tears
Summary: What happens if someone you love forgets everything you went through? What would you do? Shang finds himself troubled as Mulan forgets their life together. He soon finds that her life may have been better without him but his not the same without her. R&R!
1. Out of My Mind

Chapter 1 - Out of My Mind (by Colbie Caillat)

The once shining bright weather was quickly changed to that of a storm. As the moments passed, the winds grew strong and stronger, running through the trees and somehow breaking off the branches. No one should have been out in the storm, and no one in their right mind was, that is, except for Mulan.

Mulan was running on Khan. Running away from home, running away from the drama, running away from the heartache, running away from Shang. She was just couldn't take the words Shang had said to her out of her mind, though she wanted to.

"_You know,_" _he was yelling at her now_, "_I can't even see why I fell for you and why I even love you. I treat you differently from what every other husband would have treated you like, and this is how you repay me? I just don't understand you Fa Mulan_."

Mulan shook her head. It hurt too much to think about it. Yet the image stuck in her head so vividly, and she cried even harder than before. But lately, things had been different: he was not acting the same, she was crying more, and worst of all, she was not in love with him the same way she was.

It all ended so quickly. She was so shocked when he walked out without even saying goodbye or give any warning that he was leaving. Mulan had no inkling as to him leaving but she knew it was because he needed space, because he was angry, and because of her. She was crying, though she wanted to avoid it but, but she could not help it. Mulan loved Shang and always would, no matter what. During her trip outside her house, she tried figuring out where things went wrong, where things changed, how it all came tumbling down at once, but it was to no avail.

The whole time Mulan was contemplating whether or not to go. She did not want to leave but after being alone in the house, she knew she would not be emotionally well. As she ran, she wondered if she had made the right decision. Running away would give her peace and quiet, no matter where she went. And deep deep deep down inside, Mulan had a feeling, or to her a fantasy, that Shang would see her gone and follow her, if he even knew where she was. Mulan sighed. She made up her mind: she was not going back home until he apologized.

It was not like her to be crying. It was not like her to be running away without giving a fight or her input into the argument. But truthfully she had not been herself lately. It was not like Shang was seeing another woman and committing adultery, because he came home every day. However, unlike the peaceful evening that they would usually have, smiling turned into screaming and screaming turned fighting. And who could live like that every other day? Mulan certainly could not. She wondered what happened to her once loving husband. She figured that he had a rough day at work. But something else was bothering him, Mulan knew that. The talk about her and him would not go away, it never would for as long as they lived and their ancestors existed. There was no turning away or pretending not to hear. The talk usually sounded somewhere along these lines: "_Mulan seduced him at camp_", "_He is not half the General as his father_", or "_Mulan is barren_". One could only take such talk for so long without exploding in anger and losing control. While Mulan heard it only in the village, poor Shang probably dealt with it every day.

But there was not much Mulan could say. There was not much she could do. All she could do was be there for him, but his rampages made it even harder to do so. It got harder and harder each day for her stay, but her heart was what made her want to stay. It remained with Shang. It always did. And Mulan believed, though her mind told her otherwise, all she needed was time. All it took was time. But what Mulan feared was just exactly how long it would take. _**  
**_

Throughout the trip, one thing Mulan was not thinking about was where in the world she was going. As she ran on Khan, she realized that she had been going around in circles with no sense of direction or purpose. But she knew where she had to go, and who she had to talk to, was her parents. Oh she would not want to tell them at first but after a while, she would let it out. She was not ready to share her problems just yet, but Mulan knew she had to eventually. After trying to work it out with Shang herself and not receiving any cooperation on his part, she knew had to have her parents act as their marriage ref or at least.

Right now she cared about where Shang was but at the same time, she also worried he would not be able to find her because she did not leave a note. Mulan sighed. For once she needed to worry about herself instead of other people. Mulan knew that Shang would know that she would be coming home and nothing would stop her.

Mulan couldn't help it. Their memories continuously played through her mind as she ran away:

_[After climbing into the palace rooms]_ _"What are we doing?" Shang asked incredulously as they climbed into the rooms of the Emperor's concubines. He looked around at all the women who giggled in his presence._

_Mulan turned around and angrily sighed from his lack of knowledge and perhaps in jealousy at the looks he was receiving from the women. "Don't even think you are getting any of these women Shang," she said warningly and too disrespectfully to her Captain. But of course she was a bit angry with him from earlier so she had a right to. _

_In fact, Shang did not even really noticed. He chuckled at her warning. "Don't worry," he whispered as they finally stepped out, "You're the only woman in my life at the moment."_

_Mulan smirked and thought at the time, "If only that were true."_

…

_There was a quick rasping at her window. It sounded almost as if there were being rocks thrown at her window. Mulan slowly opened her window to find a nervous, yet anxious Captain standing at her window. _

"_Come outside with me!" He whispered a bit loudly._

"_Why?" Mulan asked and looked outside the window to see if anyone was around and more importantly if her parents were awake. _

"_It's a beautiful night," he answered, "And I don't want you to miss it." Shang then smiled his famous heart melting smiles that made women go weak at the knees, though Mulan would not admit it. _

_Mulan smiled. "Fine," she whispered as she climbed out of her window, "but we have to be quiet because my parents are asleep."_

_Shang smirked and whispered as they walked out to the garden, "Something tells me, they already know." He chuckled and extended his hand to her so as to lead her in a dance._

…

"_Shang I swear," Mulan angrily said as she ran up to see him, "if we keep meeting like this I'm going to have to tie you up to a tree until you stay." They both laughed._

"_Well I actually meant to meet you and hoped for it honestly." They both smiled and blushed when their eyes met. "I'm actually wondering if I could stay the week," Shang asked, "I have military duties to perform here and instead of staying at an inn, I was wondering if your family would be so kind as to let me stay for a week. I can do some of the chores to help you out and buy some of the meals and compensate you…"_

_Mulan waved it off, "You should know that you are always welcome at my home." And she truly meant that._

…

"_Where in the world are you going now?" Shang asked angrily, trying to run after her._

"_Stop following me and stay away from me!" She angrily yelled at him, not even turning back._

"_I don't think I ever can do that," he yelled back._

_Mulan immediately stopped and turned around to face him. Unbeknownst to them both, they both started walking towards each other until they met half way._

"_Shang, I…" Mulan started but was stopped by Shang, who gently silenced her with a kiss: her first kiss._

…

"_Where are we going?" she asked her new husband and newly appointed General._

"_Don't you trust me?" he asked and smiled._

_Mulan smirked. "You know that I do. I'm still not sure if you trust me though."_

_Shang laughed. "Still not over that palace incident? Well I can assure you, I fully trust you now. I mean figures, I married you didn't I? Plus, I followed your lead at the palace and I followed you home, where I eventually proposed to you and trusted you with my life when I married you."_

"_Well aren't you so amazing?" Mulan giggled. "Will you please tell me where we're going before I kill you? Or at least take this blindfold off my face?"_

_Shang laughed. "Look you're safe alright? I'm holding onto you so you won't fall off the horse. If we get attacked, be sure that I will protect you till my dying breath, and you can always take off the blindfold then."_

"_I will always love you," she told him._

_Shang whispered in her ear, "I know."_

_Mulan angrily hit him._

_He chuckled and answered, "But you should know that I will always love you too."_

…

And Mulan cried again. She tried and tried and tried, but she could not help it. Mulan was so in love with him, that when she finally left him, she did not know what to do. She never expected she would be in this position. Mulan figured they would have their fights, but this was not at all what she wanted or figured it would lead up to. She scoffed. No matter where she ran to, Shang would always be on her mind.

By now the winds were much worse. They were blowing in her face, and she cried in pain as they whipped her face. Riding against the winds was not something Sun Tzi or anyone in that matter would suggest. Khan whinnied in pain and exhaust from all the work he was doing.

But the winds seemed to carry a voice in them. "_Mulan!_" they said.

Mulan turned around to see if anyone was behind her and looked around to see if anyone was there. But she saw no one.

"_Mulan!_" they cried out again.

Once again Mulan turned around but saw no one in sight.

"_Mulan!_" they bellowed again.

Once again Mulan turned around to find no one, but as soon as she turned back around, she had to dodge a fallen branch, carried by the wind. Cursing her luck, Mulan swore to not turn around again.

"_Mulan!_" the winds roared again, and Mulan could not help but turn around to where she saw Shang riding not too far behind her. "_Mulan!_" he yelled faintly at her.

"Shang!" she screamed back, but trying to hold back her excitement for she was still angry with him.

"Mulan! Look out!" he screamed. Still wishing it was a bit more romantic than that, Mulan cursedly turned around and saw the incoming thick tree branch. In mid turn, her head hit the branch, knocking her down off the horse to hit her head on the ground.

"Mulan!" Shang yelled in horror and immediately jumped from his horse. Khan, faithfully staying with his master, immediately turned around to come to her rescue.

"Shang?" Mulan weakly asked, fighting to keep her eyes open and clear.

Shang grabbed her hand and held it, while gently massaging her face. "Mulan, I'm so sorry! I'm sorry! You'll be alright I promise. I'll get help." But Mulan could barely keep her eyes open, as she was feeling dizzy. "Just hold on," he said, "Hold on!"

That was all she heard before she fell unconscious. And then, there was darkness.

* * *

A bright light hit Mulan's eyes as soon as she opened them. While trying to readjust her eyes to her surroundings, her eyes were able to make out four figures, with only three she recognized. "Where am I?" Mulan asked weakly.

"You're in your room," a man's voice boomed. "How are you feeling?"

Immediately Mulan sat up in her bed, but put a hand to her head feeling the rush of blood. "I feel fine, but a bit dizzy." She moaned in pain and the man helped her ease in back.

"That's good," he replied. "That is what can happen after your little incident. Do you know who these people are?"

Mulan reopened her eyes and hit the bright light out of her gaze, making her vision a lot better and easier to have. She sighed and exhausted replied pointing at each figure, "That is my mother, my father, my grandmother, and you are a doctor."

Each person in the room gave a sigh of relief. The doctor smiled and answered, "Good. I feared that you would have a loss of memory."

"How is she?" Another man asked, his voice very familiar yet unknown to her.

"She's fine," Fa Zhou said to him, "Come in my son."

"_Son?_" Mulan thought. She was not aware that she had a brother.

A handsome, tall, and muscular man walked into the room. From the expression on his face, you could tell he was very concerned and worried. He immediately sat on her bed and gently stroked her arm. "Mulan, how are you feeling?" he asked fearfully.

Mulan smiled. "I am quite well. Thank you for your concern brother."

A look of worry and fear passed over everyone's face. But no one dared to say anything about it.

"Mulan," he chuckled. "Very funny, but I'm not your brother."

Mulan threw him a peculiar look and replied, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I remember you."

* * *

DUN DUN DUN!!!!! haha this is my my final story! I kind of got a bit tired of my other stories, but do not worry, I will finish them! I have been saving this story for quite a while now and I wanted to release it already! So here is my story and please please review and tell me what you think about it! Thank you!


	2. Back At One

**Author's Note: Well I'm finally back on here! I've been so busy lately that I apologize for not updating my other stories! I will update very soon! Just as a little note, I wanted to say that these chapters are all based on songs with the singer in parenthesis. Now the lyrics are embedded somewhere within the story as either a character's thoughts, actions, or speech. There are several flashbacks in here (only because this is a story about memories, so flashbacks are crucial!) but there is also a scene which is Shang's dream or in other words, his expectations, so we get a little expectations vs reality thing as seen in _500 Days of Summer_. But anyways I hope everyone enjoys this story! I would like to give a special thanks to all my readers/reviewers! My stories are always for you! **

Chapter 2 - Back At One (By Brian McKnight)

"How do you not remember me?" Shang asked incredulously.

Mulan looked at him in shock. "Should have I remembered you?"

"How could you not remember me?" Shang yelled at her. "Are you still mad at me?"

Mulan covered her face in her hands and shook her head. "Why do you keep asking me?" She screamed at him, with tears falling down her face. "I don't remember you!"

Shang, who was not able to take it anymore, immediately got up and stormed out of the room.

The doctor, however, followed after him into the hallway. "General Li, give her time."

Shang spun on his heels and turned to face him angrily asking, "How could she not remember me?" He turned to face the wall and fought the urge to not punch it. "I've spent so many years with her and she remembers everyone but me?" Shang asked softly as Fa Li entered the hall.

"When someone hits their head against something hard it may cause memory loss, but I believe that the reason she may have lost her memory is due to what happened earlier," the doctor answered him. "What happened earlier? Did you beat her?"

Shang, deeply angered by such an accusation, clenched his fist and rushed over to punch the doctor, but was stopped by Fa Li.

"Stop Shang!" she yelled at him as she stepped in front of him to stop his way to the doctor. Fa Li sighed and turned to answer the doctor, "I know Li Shang. He would never do such a thing to harm my daughter."

Shang sighed. "_I would never harm your daughter physically, but you don't even know the half of her tears._ _It all came from me._"

"Well," the doctor sighed, nervously trying to regain himself, "the only thing I can think of is that she may have forgotten about you because she chose to or because…"

"Wait," Shang interrupted the doctor, "what do you mean she chose to?"

"She chose to block you out," the doctor replied, "That's why I was asking. Did you two have a fight before? She may have been angry and chose to block you out of her memory."

Shang grimaced. He knew he messed up and he deserved to not be remembered for what he had been doing to her. But it wasn't enough to make Mulan want to forget him. "What was the other possible chance?"

"She may have been thinking about you so much that when she hit her head, it cleared her straight of it."

For a while there was silence. No one said a word, but no one had to because they were all thinking of the same thing. Shang, on the other hand, was even more troubled than anyone else. To Shang, the doctor's theory did not seem logical but then after what happened today, nothing made sense. His guilty conscience made him believe it was the first one, but his heart hoped that it was the second one.

"So she has memory loss Shang," Fa Li replied, interrupting the silence, "it is probably not even permanent."

"But what if it is?" Shang asked, confirming everyone's deepest fear.

Soon Fa Zhou and Granny Fa entered the hall with a saddened look. Shang sighed and walked out of the house without saying another word. Only Fa Li followed after him.

"Shang!" she yelled after him as she caught up with him at the stables. "Don't leave please! If anything, Mulan needs you now more than ever."

Shang cringed and boarded on his horse ignoring Fa Li's pleas.

"If you leave now then she'll never remember you," Fa Li replied, "Maybe if you stay then she'll start to remember you more. Maybe if you…"

"Fa Li," Shang abruptly answered, "Please don't be angry with me leaving. I hope you understand."

"Shang I should understand, but this time I honestly don't," she softly assured him, "you have always been like a son to me. Why are you leaving my daughter now in her time of need?"

Shang sighed and sadly answered, "I need to go. I need to clear my head."

"Are you at least returning?" Fa Li asked.

Shang turned away and ran away on his horse without replying or leaving any inkling to answer her question.

* * *

"She what?" Chen asked in a serious manner and then cracked a laugh.

"She forgot him," Mei replied. "Her head got too big so when a branch hit her head, it popped and threw out anything Shang related in her itty bitty head."

The two laughed and Shang angrily rolled his eyes in disgust. His older brother and little sister were all he had as family now. Their mother was out on the town and Shang could not find her.

"I'm being serious here," Shang growled.

"We are too little brother," Chen replied. "I just needed to get a better understanding of your story because all I heard when you were talking was blah blah blah and a whip smacking you into place. You've been whipped little brother."

Shang crossed his arms and snarled, trying to keep his cool because he desperately needed their help.

"Besides," he continued, "it's not like she was that important to China or to anyone else anyway. It's about time you get over your little infatuation."

"That's it!" Shang yelled and ran over to his brother grabbing him by the neck. "I have had it up to here with you and your jokes about Mulan."

"Shang!" his sister ran up to him pleading for him to put Chen down.

"Get out of here!" Shang yelled at her and pushed her down to the ground. She immediately looked up at him hurt and on the verge of tears. Shang still did not back down or apologize.

His brother, on the other hand, looked at him with disgust. "How dare you throw down your own sister?" Chen then tried to kick him, but Shang was trained well in martial arts, and threw him on the ground in one fierce, swift movement that sent him aching and paralyzed on the ground.

"Shang," his sister said softly through her tears, "what are you doing to your own brother and sister?"

"You are not my brother and sister," Shang seethed through his teeth. "How dare you talk about my own wife like that? You have never treated her like family so why should I treat you like my family?"

"Well when she takes you away from us all the time why should we treat her like family?" his sister argued, "She's not like other women Shang. She doesn't act like other people. She's…"

"So she's different," Shang yelled back. "So she's not like you. So she's not the ideal wife. So she broke traditional borders. So what?"

"That goes against everything mother has taught us," Chen replied weakly, still trying to get off the ground.

"But that goes against everything father taught us," Shang replied, "And everything I believe in and everything love about her. Father always taught us to be kind to everyone no matter what and to treat others the way you would like to be treated. What if I treated you weirdly because you were average?" Shang turned to his sister, "What if I treated you like dirt and like a slave instead of my sister because that is what tradition calls for? What if I overlooked you because you were average and mundane? You may be beautiful but that's the only thing that is working out for you. I don't see you risking your life to save our father. Unlike Mulan, I couldn't save father." Shang turned to his brother, "What if I always thought you were pompous and arrogant because after dealing with Chi Fu that's all I thought court officials were like? How would you feel?"

Shang sighed. "Mother only taught us those things because she feared public humiliation for all of us, but honestly I don't care anymore. She wanted us to slip right into society. She was looking out for all of us, but the truth is, I'm done with keeping up with tradition. I am my own person and I've learned that from Mulan. In fact, mother loves Mulan. She may not be the person mother has always wanted for me but she is the person we are all afraid to be because of what other people may think. And Mulan saved all of our lives up on the mountain and at the palace. The Tung Shao village may have been the fate of us all, and now we would be under the Huns. And the most we can do to thank Mulan is reject her and call her a public shame? We talk about how she disgraced honor, but we oversee how she saved all of our butts. Most of all, I love her and even if you don't like her, you should at least pretend to in front of her."

At that moment, his mother walked in the door to see an infuriated Shang with her two other children on the floor moaning in pain or crying. "What in the world is going on here? Shang what have you done to your brother and sister?" She immediately rushed over to Chen. "Chen is hurt! What have you done to him?"

Shang shrugged coolly. "What he finally deserved after all these years: A beating up for every arrogant word he has said, every arrogant advice he has given to the Emperor, every thing he's ever done."

"Shang!" his mother angrily yelled at him. "What is this really about dear?"

"Mulan doesn't remember him mother," Mei said as she sat on the ground and dried her tears. "I tried to stop the fight but Shang threw me down."

His mother made the same sympathetic noise he had grown accustomed to with Mulan. "Baby, I'm so sorry. Tell us all about it. It's perfectly fine to cry."

But Shang couldn't cry in front of his mother, nor his brother and sister. Sad as it was, Shang realized that if you couldn't cry in front of someone then they truly weren't your friend, brother, sister, or family. "It's funny," Shang said. His mother slowly backed off realizing a change in character from Shang. His brother and sister immediately looked up at him, and Chen was groaning as he sat up. "I came to you three hoping for advice or more importantly comfort, but the only comfort I have ever gotten today was from Fa Li, who has been more like family to me than any of you ever been."

"Shang, I…" his mother started.

Shang sighed, "Mother ever since father has died, I feel more separated from you than ever. You're never around when I need you. I feel as if you don't understand me. You weren't there to see his body lying there on the snow. I felt so out of touch that whole time until…"

"Until Mulan came around," his mother interrupted.

Shang nodded. "I'm sorry mother, I hope you understand. But it's just when I came home that day to give you the bad news Mei had her husband to cry on. Chen had you and you both cried together. But who did I have? No one. No one except for Mulan to comfort me. It was almost as if she understood me and she always has."

His mother smiled. "I'm your mother, I should always understand." She got up and gave him a big hug, comforting him and tearing up as she said, "You were always your father's son and I wish I got as close to you as I did with Chen, who we will all admit is a mama's boy." They both laughed and Shang dried her tears. "Just know that I am always here for you when you need me. I want you to know that. I am never too busy for you. And I will always be fine with your decision as long as you are happy."

Chen snarled. "Mother's boy," he muttered. "Mother don't you want to know why I'm on the ground groaning in pain? Shang threw me down there."

Shang laughed. "Trust me mother, it only took one quick movement. But it wasn't that hard. I used it on Mulan one day and she retaliated quickly. Oh yeah she fell down but she got back up."

Chen growled. Mei and Shang's mother snuck a small giggle. Mei sat up and sat next to Shang. "Shang, you're right. We have mistreated Mulan. We never made her feel welcome. We just never expected you to marry such a controversial person. But I never really got to know you I guess as well as Mulan did. We just didn't want you to get hurt."

"Well it's too late for that huh?" He looked angrily at his brother and sister, who looked down in shame. Shang sighed. "She never said that she didn't want to spend time with you guys," Shang confessed. "It was me."

"What?" Mei asked in shock. "Why?"

"Because I saw how miserable she was here with you two always mistreating her and walking all over her," Shang angrily answered. "She never said anything or fought back because she wanted to be polite. She never complained to me but I saw it in her eyes. And when I told her that we wouldn't be going back she pretending to be concerned but I could tell she was relieved."

"Shang, we're sorry. Truly and sincerely sorry for everything. Take her back here and we'll apologize. We just didn't want you to get hurt," his sister told him.

"Yeah well I'm sorry too. Sorry that my family turned out to be such a jerk," Shang coldly answered. He sighed and got up and walked to the door, but his brother ran after him.

"Shang, don't leave," he pleaded. "Let's talk about this. We're sorry. Please stay."

"Why should I?" he asked angrily.

_Shang sighed as he walked through the streets to the palace. He grimaced as he thought about Mulan lying on the snow looking up at him with a saddened gaze, not fighting her fate. He knew he couldn't do it. He just couldn't. Ping was his friend, companion, and the true hero of China. But he had to kill Ping it was the rules, no matter what Ping did. _

"_What's wrong Captain?" Chi Fu happily asked. "There is a parade in your honor and with your father dead; you may as well be in line for General now!" Shang did not turn and face him and continued to look ahead. Chi Fu scoffed, "Don't tell me you're thinking about that creature you left in the mountains."_

_Shang immediately turned and glared at him. "Ping, err I mean Mulan is a hero. No matter if she broke the rules, she deserves to be here."_

_Chi Fu laughed. "She's just a woman! Besides Captain, if you bring her here and honor her as a hero, alive and not dead, well people will talk and you know that. People will think something went down between you two and is the reason she is still alive and living now." He rode faster on his horse to get to the Emperor before Shang did._

_Shang snarled and looked down. "Let them talk," he thought. Because right now he was feeling lower than a snake, lower than Chi Fu himself, lower than the devil. He was taking the honor away from someone who truly deserved it. Someone who should be honored instead of forgotten. _

"_I can't believe Ping was a woman," Shang overheard Ling say. "Who knew a woman would be that good at fighting, that smart,"_

"_Not to mention, better than all of us and the real hero of China," Chien Po finished._

_Shang bit his lip but fought to keep moving forward. He wanted to turn back and get her but he cowardly kept moving forward. Ling was right. "How did he not notice that she was a woman? How did no one else realize that she was a woman?" He wondered. "She was always so skinny, weaker than the others, much more gentler than the others, not to mention lighter than the others, and her eyes always sparkled whenever he looked at her, she always had a better smell than the others, and when her hair was down it always framed her face. In the tent she had a small, delicate feminine body that was normally hidden by her armor. Her face was a beautiful ivory and paler than anyone else's. Her cheeks always had a certain blush, and she was…" Shang shook his head. He was clearly falling for her. This boy, who was once the biggest embarrassment to Shang, but yet became his best soldier in the end, Shang reminded himself. This boy, who was once his biggest pain, soon became one of his best friends in camp. This boy, who turned out to be a woman, and a beautiful one at that, plus more courageous and smarter and different from anyone else he had ever known. Why she, she was just…_

"_Shang!" Mulan called._

_She was riding next to him. "Mulan?" he asked surprised. Shang blinked twice. Was it just a dream his mind was playing on him? Maybe she was going to say something about…_

"_The Huns are in the city!" She exclaimed._

_Shang immediately snarled. She was going to cause a scene to bring attention to herself, because that's exactly what she wants, his mind thought. "You don't belong here Mulan," he said angrily, "Go home!" His heart was angry. She did belong here but he hardened his heart._

_Shang turned away and she was out of his sight, for a few seconds._

"_I saw them in the mountains," she pleaded. "Shang, you have to believe me."_

_She was the only one that ever called him Shang or Captain Shang. Everyone else was so formal and oddly enough, it was the closest thing to home he had. But Shang couldn't show sympathy or kindness to this woman, who he feared could be accused of as being seduced by. He was a coward and didn't stick up for her. "Why should I?" he asked angrily._

_Mulan snarled and moved her horse in front of him. "You've never shown me kindness, and that's fine, you're Captain. You had to be cruel. You had to be mean." She angrily told him, "But what I at least expect from you is trust. I was your faithful soldier and I would have fought until your death. I would have protected you at all costs. I never expected the same from you, but I at least expected some trust. I don't want all your trust that you give to your mother, your father, your brother, your sister, or your wife. I just want your faith in me and credibility. I am and always will be your friend Li Shang, don't forget it. You said you trusted Ping, why is Mulan any different?"_

_Shang looked away. Did she really want the answer? It was because she deceived him. It was because she was…a woman. And right and then she needed him more than ever to believe her, and of course he walked away. He swore that he would never do that again in his life._

"Shang? Shang, are you okay?" his brother asked, bringing him back to reality.

Shang looked at his mother, his sister, then his brother, and smiled. "I have to go!" But before he could run out the front door, his brother pulled him back.

"Whoa, slow down there Mr. Reckless." His brother said, "What are you going to do?"

He sighed and knew he had to answer them. They were trying to help him, they were trying to make amends with him, they were trying to be a family for him, and he couldn't just kick them out and harden his heart like he did with Mulan. "I'm not sure yet," he confessed with a sigh, "Why don't you all give me some advice? Because I've never done this kind of thing before. I'm not good with losing someone, I always need help."

"Shang dear," his mother answered, "We've all never done something like this before, but all we can say is take it step by step, day by day, moment by moment."

"You have to tell her the truth," his brother replied. "Tell her who you are, tell her you love her, tell her you are her husband."

"That's the thing," Shang answered, "I don't want to force her to be with me. I don't want her to fall in love with our memories. I want to see if she really loves me for me and isn't just sticking around because of what used to be. I want her to love me for me. But I want her to remember our memories also."

His sister sighed dreamily and smiled. "Shang, I have the perfect idea."

* * *

The rain was pouring hard outside and the lightning lit up the dark rooms creating large shadows on the walls. Even ten candles could not light up the room like lightning. Outside the screams of men, women, and children rushing to get out of the room, could be heard all around. Though the Fa family was already inside there was a feeling of uneasiness floating around the atmosphere.

"So he's not coming back?" Granny Fa angrily asked Fa Li.

Fa Li shrugged. "He didn't answer me. He just ran away."

"Why that son of…" Granny Fa started.

"Calm down mother," Fa Zhou softly said, "I believe Li Shang will come back soon. I know the boy."

"You want to make another bet just like his proposal?" Granny Fa sneakily asked. "I have a feeling this time however that I'll be right."

Fa Li and Fa Zhou eyed her angrily, warning her that it wasn't the proper time or place. For all they knew, Shang could be out in the rain or lost on his way. Even though he left Mulan, they still cared for the young man.

"Mama," Mulan said as she slowly walked into the room. "Who was that man earlier? That man with such dark intense eyes, and the impatience of a bull?"

Her mother sighed and reluctantly answered her, "It doesn't matter because he will probably never be coming back here again. It's best that you maybe forget about him."

"Too late for that," she muttered. But Mulan objected to her mother's angry statement, "If he was in my life this time, he must have been someone important for me." But what she wanted to say, she didn't say, "_He looked as if he cared about me_," she thought.

Suddenly there was a quick rasping at the door. For a moment everyone looked at each other wondering what to do. They all soon rushed to the door but Mulan, who of course was the quickest, got there first.

"Mulan," her mother said, pulling her back, "let us open the door. We're not sure who is there."

Mulan pulled herself from her mother's grasp. "I can take care of myself."

Mulan slowly walked to the door, wondering with each step who it was. Unbeknownst to everyone, Mulan was quickly regaining some of her memories back. She turned back to look at her parents who urged her to open the door. Mulan turned back around and opened the door.

"Mulan," Shang said breathlessly and soaked wet from the rain. He smiled. She looked beautiful in that soft purple dress he remembered from the day he proposed to her.

"_Shang," Mulan said softly and with that smile he always loved. She gestured for him to come into the house and out of the rain. _

_Shang smiled and ran into her arms and Mulan jumped into his arms. She put her arms around him as he twirled her around. Shang finally stopped to look her in the face. Mulan smiled at him and brushed his hair. _

_Shang smiled back, "Mulan I'm so sorry and I promise that I will never leave you again. I know that you need me now more than ever and I…"_

_Mulan silenced him a kiss. "I love you too."_

Shang shook his head and came back to reality. So he expected something different but knew that wouldn't happen and probably not anytime soon either, but he sure could dream.

"Shang?" Mulan asked.

Instantly the mouths of everyone in the room, except for Mulan's, dropped. Shang, on the other hand, grinned. Mulan, not taking her eyes off Shang's, extended her hand. Shang took it and walked into the house.

"_Shang!" Mulan yelled at him while on Khan. As soon as he had heard her voice, Shang turned around and ran towards her. Mulan extended her hand and Shang tightly grabbed onto it. However, the rushing of the avalanche pulled Shang away from her and he lost her hold on him. "Shang!" Mulan yelled again, trying desperately to find him and scared that she had lost in him the rush. _

"You're holding on tight there," Shang said, interrupting her flashback and bringing her back to reality. "Don't worry, I won't let go this time."

Mulan, realizing what she was doing, blushed and tried to explain herself. "I…I…" she laughed nervously, "I'm sorry. I just…" She looked him in the eyes, but then quickly lowered it and answered, "I'll get you some towels!" Mulan quickly ran out of the room, while Shang smiled and gazed dreamily at her.

Fa Zhou, who was watching as this event unfolded, stared diligently at the young man and smiled at the expression on his face. He nudged his wife and gestured her to look at him.

Fa Li smiled and whispered to her husband, "It's almost like…"

He nodded and finished her sentence, "like the day he followed her home."

She smiled and whispered as Mulan entered the room, "Watch what's going to unfold here."

Mulan walked into the room trying to keep her eyes to the floor. "Here are your towels," she said, averting her eyes from his. But of course she couldn't. Mulan sighed and looked up at him. However, when she saw him drying his hair, she couldn't help but laugh.

Shang laughed when he heard her laughing. "What?" he asked. He stopped and three towels fell from his head and one stayed on top.

"How about you dry your hair properly?" Mulan said still laughing.

"Why don't you show me then?" Shang asked her with a smirk.

Mulan smirked, "Now you're just mocking me."

"Me?" Shang asked, feigning shock, "No…" was all he could say before Mulan punched him.

Shang smiled. She still had the fighting spirit he remembered. He then tickled her and she hit him back, giggling and pleading for him to let go, though they both knew she didn't really mean it. Shang then lifted her up, while Mulan squirmed around and laughed, swearing that if Shang did not put her down she would hurt him. Shang laughed and scoffed, ignoring her threat, but eventually put her down.

She smiled and calmed down, still not keeping her eyes off his. Shang moved closer to her, and she didn't flinch, but she could feel her heartbeat rising and pounding in her ear. He moved a hair out of her face and looked intently into her eyes. Mulan's eyes softened and she parted her mouth, probably to say something, but Shang leaned in closer until…

Granny Fa coughed, startling the two. Immediately the two turned to face Granny Fa, while Fa Li and Fa Zhou angrily cursed herself for coughing. Mulan turned to face Shang and put a towel on top of his head. She rubbed it against his hair and shook his hair inside the towel.

"There," Mulan said to him, "just dry your hair that way and it should be dry enough for you before you go to sleep and so you don't get sick. I'll put these towels in your room so you can use them when you change."

"Thank you Mulan," Shang cleared his throat and smiled at her.

Mulan smiled and walked back into the hallway, where she turned the corner and stayed to eavesdrop on the conversation.

Shang sighed and walked over to sit next to Fa Zhou. "So she remembered your name," he said at once.

Shang sighed again, "Yeah and I don't even know how."

"It's funny," Fa Li answered, "just a minute before you came in she was wondering who you were."

"I think that maybe…" Shang started to say, but sneezed instead. "Oh is it just me or is it really cold in here?" He asked and then sneezed again. "If you don't mind, may I change out of these clothes?"

Fa Zhou nodded, "Just go to your usual room, my son."

Shang nodded. "I may have some extra clothes in there that I've kept over the years when I would visit." He got up and walked over to his room.

Mulan, realizing that he was going over to his room without it being set up, started to run towards the room in the dark. She ran into the wall and stubbed her toes. Once she got to his room, she scurried around for a candle, cursing as she did so.

"You know," Shang said at the doorway, startling Mulan and causing her to hit her head against whatever was above her head, "eavesdropping isn't polite."

Mulan, crawling out from whatever was above her, immediately stood up. She moaned and massaged her head from the dizziness and pain but eventually replied, "Well the topic was about me either way so I believe I had the right to listen anyway."

Shang laughed and placed the candle on the table top. He found the other candles and lit them up as well.

"How did you know…" Mulan started as she watched Shang set up his room himself.

Shang smiled and answered her, "I just do." He took out of the closet a shirt and pants and placed them on the bed. "And maybe later you'll know why I know what I know," he said.

"So you're going to help me regain my memories again?" she asked.

Shang nodded. "Yes, early tomorrow. So I want you to get enough sleep." Mulan nodded. "I just need to get your parents permission first. Now go to sleep. I can handle things from here. Good night Fa Mulan." He smiled.

Mulan smiled and walked to her room, which was adjacent from his. In the dark she watched as Shang set up his room. Once he finished, she watched him take off his clothes. Mulan opened her mouth in amazement at what she saw. Shang was so well-built and strong from every inch of his body. For a while he walked around with just pants and no shirt, until he finished cleaning up.

Shang knew Mulan was watching him. He could feel it, so he acted as if she wasn't there and milked the moment a bit. Shang remembered what her guardian had said to him when they met and about how Mulan was looking at him all "wide-eyed" when he took off his shirt. Just before he was about to leave the room to go talk to her parents, he put on the shirt and said, "Mulan go to sleep. I see you there."

Her eyes widened. Immediately Mulan scampered to her room. Shang smiled and blew out all the candles but one, leaving the room at a small dim. He then walked out to the room and made sure with each step that Mulan was not following to eavesdrop, because this time he could not have anyone else know.

"Fa Zhou," Shang said to him as he entered the room and sat down, "Do you know that your daughter has been regaining her memories again?"

"No," he answered solemnly, "She never showed any signs of so or giving us any inkling to that. How do you know she has been regaining her memories?"

"I could see it in her eyes," Shang answered them, "and the way she said my name and held on to my hand. It was as if she was getting a flashback or something. And if you don't mind, I want to help her get back her memories." Shang turned to Fa Li. "It was like you said. Mulan needs me now more than ever and I want to be here for her. I don't want to desert her. She has always been there for me and I need to return the favor." Small tears fell from his eyes. Fa Li and Fa Zhou immediately patted his back gently trying to comfort him. He immediately dried his tears. "I'm sorry," he said finally, "It's just that when I lost my father, it was almost like the end of the world for me until I had Mulan there to comfort me. She was always there for me. I just don't want to lose her again."

"Well are you going to tell her?" Granny Fa asked. "Just tell her that you're her husband and that you love her. Tell her your story. It will certainly make things much simpler."

"No," Shang answered her. "I can't."

"Why not?" they asked.

"Because," he replied. "I want to see things from her eyes. I want to go back on this road to see and show her ways that I fell for her. Besides," he grinned. "I know the perfect way to help her come back."

"_What are you going to do now Captain?" Ling asked, wiping off some of his makeup. "I can't believe girls wear this stuff. No wonder Mulan joined the army."_

_Shang laughed. "Yeah, I think meeting Mulan has changed everyone in this army's own view of women, especially you three. It's not so easy is it?" _

_Yao sputtered. "You got that right! A few minutes into the whole thing, I stumbled on my stupid shoe. Ling here for god's sake loses one of his breasts!"_

"_Yeah well tell me why you had an orange and a banana?" Ling mocked him._

_Shang laughed even harder. "Man, I cannot take you guys seriously with this make-up and your dresses. I guess China really did send me daughters."_

_Yao growled. "Speak for yourself Captain. You almost killed China's heroine, not to mention the woman you love." He then made fake kissing noises and puckered his lips for Shang._

_Shang growled._

"_Yeah Shang," Chien-Po said, "I think our heroine has a soft spot for you. She had the chance to go down and save herself but she chose to stick around and save you yet again. And how do you repay her? You tell her that she fights good."_

_Shang snarled. "Who are you guys? My mother? The Matchmaker? Okay, so I made a mistake."_

_The three men threw him a look. _

_Shang sighed. "Okay, so I made a couple of mistakes. Don't worry, I'll make it up. I have this plan. I'm the Captain. I've always got a plan up in my head."_

"_With all due respect sir," Chien Po timidly replied, "Mulan always had the plan." _

"_What is your plan?" Ling asked._

_Shang smiled, "I'm going to follow her home and tell her exactly how I feel about her. I'll tell her parents about my plans to marry her and…"_

"_Yeah yeah yeah," Ling said interrupting him. "You can't just go there and expect them to take you in. You did after all turn their daughter into a killing machine, plus tortured her to death in training camp, almost killed her up in the mountains, and then broke her heart here at the palace. You have to bring a gift or something."_

"_What do I bring her?" Shang asked them incredulously. "You guys are just making things more complicated than they already are! If I bring food it'll make it seem like I'm calling them poor, and I know they're not. After all it is the Honorable Fa Zhou. I can't bring a war token because Mulan has already brought the damn crest of the Emperor and Shan Yu's sword…"_

_Yao snapped. "I've got it!" He turned to Ling. "Throw me your helmet!" _

_Ling ran to their pile of clothes and threw him his helmet. "What do you plan to do with this Yao?"_

"_Did you guys ever see Mulan wearing a helmet after the explosion of the cart in the mountains?" He asked them. "No, I didn't think so. She's missing a helmet! This will be worth so much now that she's a hero, and especially since it belonged to her father! It's a good luck charm in battle!"_

_Shang laughed. "You have got to be kidding me. I am not bringing her a helmet back. How pathetic do I look to you three?"_

_The three stared at him. "Yeah, he definitely needs it." Chien Po said to Ling. Yao turned to Chien Po, "I honestly thought it was a good idea! I mean I don't see him coming up with ideas." Ling said to Yao, "I mean he's talking to us for help when we all know he was the closest to Mulan during this whole experience. Either way he's going to look desperate!"_

_Shang snarled. "Fine, fine, fine! Okay, I'll bring the damn helmet." He muttered. "She's going to never let this go later on. I'll be the laughing stock of China's history, mocked forever by children decades from now who see just exactly how pathetic men can be when a girl comes into the picture." _

"_Well if you even get as far as to marry this girl, then you'll be thanking us for giving you this first start." Ling smiled. "Besides, if you do marry her then either way you won't mind her teasing you about this."_

"_So what happens now Captain?" Chien Po asked. "What are you going to do once you see her?" _

_"It's funny, if you had asked me earlier what I thought about love, I would have scoffed and spit in your face. It's unbelievable how I used to say that I'd fall never. But now I'm clearly falling hard for Mulan. She's special, she's amazing and I can't just get her back. I have to do something amazing about it." Shang smiled. "I'll play by a song. It's a little song my father taught me when he was telling me on how he fell for my mother, and vice versa. I just hope Mulan…"_

_"Wow that was really deep Shang. Not many guys have the guts to admit that.__" Yao scoffed. "Do I need to castrate you man? Grow some balls and go get her already! You're going to make me tear up here!" _

Shang smiled and chuckled. "It's like what my father said to me. I just forgot after so long, but my sister helped me remember. One, I have to tell myself and remind myself just how lucky I am. That having Mulan is like a dream come true."

Fa Li smiled.

"Two," Shang continued, "I need to figure out if Mulan's really the one I just want to be with."

Fa Zhou nodded understandingly.

Shang continued, "Three, I ask myself if Mulan is the only one for me. And I've been doing a lot of thinking today and each time, there was not a single strand of doubt. Of course I love her and I would do anything to get her back."

Granny Fa grinned and settled back in her chair. "I always knew you did Shang, especially the day you came to follow her home."

Shang laughed. "Then I repeat steps one through three with Mulan. I make sure that she knows that she is a dream come true to me. I let her know that I just want to be with her and lastly, show her she is the only one for me."

He paused for a moment, trying to remember the song, "Finally, I make her fall in love with me. And if I believe that my work is done, I'll do what I should have done all these years: start back at one."


	3. Ever the Same

Chapter 3 - Ever the Same (by Rob Thomas)

_The fiery red sky that once haunted her appeared in her dreams once more. The usual blue sky was a haunting hue of fire and smoke. Smoke filled her lungs making it harder to breathe, but she was already left breathless from the sight around her. Ashes of bodies and buildings fell from the sky like rain does in a storm. The destructive fires surrounded her from all around. She turned around trying to find a way out, but there was no escaping this horror. Screams of men, women and children pervaded her mind. While the broken bell tolled, women and children screamed for their fathers, and the men groaned in pain._

_Suddenly Mulan felt a hand on her shoulder._

"_No!" She screamed, trying to run away from the sight._

"_No!" She screamed louder._

"No!" She cried out and kicked. "No!" She cried out again. "Stop," she whispered, as if she didn't have the strength anymore. Mulan immediately got up and hit her head against the wall, sobbing harder than ever.

"Mulan!" Her mother yelled and immediately ran to her daughter. "What happened?"

Shang immediately followed after Fa Li but strayed at the door. Fa Zhou walked over to his daughter and placed a reassuring hand on her, but she shuddered away from it. Shang watched with shock as this unfolded, wondering where this change in character was coming from and what was causing it.

"I don't want to talk about it," Mulan whispered.

Shang took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. It was another late night and Mulan was troubled once again. For the past few days he had been trying to get her to open up to him and tell him exactly what she remembered, but she wouldn't do so. It was almost as if that night that he came back was just a dream and every thing that had happened that night was nothing. She was just as stiff as the time he had walked out on her. He knew he had to do something about it.

"Mulan," Shang finally said, "If you don't open up to anyone, how will we solve this?"

Mulan sighed and looked away. It wasn't as if she didn't want to tell anyone about it, she just was hurt. Shang had left her that day when she needed him the most and it hurt her inside to think that someone that was apparently someone she was close to would leave just like that in her moment of trouble. Even though she wasn't exactly clear on what her relationship with him was, she could tell he was someone she could trust with her life and everything she held dear. And when he left, she didn't know if she could trust him. Mulan had gotten so close to losing him, but then regained him again when he returned that night. And she wondered _how could she trust someone that could leave at any moment? _

Mulan sighed, knowing she would have to tell someone about it sooner or later, other wise it would eat her up. "I had a dream…" She said, finally telling them the story. She paused, bringing back the memory, "a nightmare, up in the mountains of the Tung Shao Pass, a pass that I don't ever want to go to. There was…there were bodies, several dead bodies, of men who were not familiar to me, but yet very valuable to me and to China. They were soldiers. And men and women and children…innocent civilians were crying out in pain, and dying all along the snow." Mulan said, and stood up to look at the window. "I saw my village next," she sighed, looking at her favorite spot in the garden. "And it was burning just like that village." The tears fell faster from her eyes. Mulan then turned from the window and started to run out of her room but Shang caught her and stopped her.

"It's okay," he reassured her, holding her gently in his arms, "It's okay."

"What if that happens here Shang?" she asked, crying into his chest.

"It won't Mulan," he said comfortingly and bent down to look her in the eyes, "Just get some sleep and we will talk about this in the morning. Try not to think about it. Just get some sleep." Shang then lifted her up and tucked her into bed. "You're safe and your family will be safe, I promise."

Mulan nodded and tried to sleep.

Shang watched her as she slept and cringed in worry. He then walked out of her room, followed by Fa Li and Fa Zhou.

* * *

"_Stay away from him!" Mulan screamed in her sleep. _

_Shang, who was sleeping next to her, immediately woke up and tried to comfort his troubled wife. "Mulan," he said sleepily, and held her arms, "Wake up, it's just a nightmare."_

"_Let go of me!" she screamed and broke from his grasp. _

"_Mulan," he yelled and shook her to wake her up._

_Her eyes fluttered open and she immediately dried her tears. She was panting and started to cry again. Shang sighed sympathetically and brought her in closer for a hug. He stroked her hair. "Was it the burning village again?" He asked softly._

_Mulan nodded. "I can't get it out of my head; don't you have this problem, even though I know you've seen things probably more disturbing than that? I…I just can't get it out of my head. I feel so weak…"_

"_You're not weak Mulan," he told her sternly. Shang sighed, "I have nightmares too, but not of things I've seen in war. They are things I fear. I fear that one day I might not be able to do what I do every day, which is to protect you and my future family. That's why I train so hard and work so hard, to keep China safe, so no one has to go to war. Sometimes I'll wake up, startled by the nightmare, but then I see you sleeping next to me, and somehow that's enough comfort to get me past the nightmare."_

Shang groaned as the sunlight drifted slowly upon his face. He had tried to get some sleep but memory had disturbed him also. He had finally gotten an inkling of what she was remembering, but it was not what at all what he wanted. Shang sighed and got up to change and then make his way to the kitchen where he knew he would enjoy some of Fa Li's cooking.

"Good morning," Shang greeted her as he entered into the kitchen.

She smiled and turned away from the cooking to greet him back, but instead gasped in shock at the sight she saw. "Ai-Ya!" She screamed and dropped the tea kettle.

Shang immediately ran to grab the kettle before it hit the ground. He then brought it to the table, where he sat down and poured himself a cup.

Fa Li walked over to the table with his breakfast and sighed. "Li Shang, what happened? My daughter is already in a bad enough state of mind, I do not need the same to be happening to you."

Shang groaned and massaged his temples, "Don't worry Fa Li; I am just tired is all. I didn't get enough sleep last night." He took a cup of hot boiling tea and swallowed it all at once, cringing as he did. Shang then poured himself another cup and did the same again. Before he could pour another cup, Fa Li placed a hand on the kettle.

"What is this really about?" she asked, eying him suspiciously.

Shang laughed, "Nothing. I'm just tired."

Fa Li shot him a look, "I don't think so. Let's just say its motherly intuition."

Shang cringed and poured himself another cup of tea, which he slowly drank this time. He swallowed and finally answered her, "I don't know if I can help her this time." Fa Li opened her mouth to object, but he stopped her. "I know, I know, you are going to say I've helped her in the past and that I can do it. But the thing is, I'm not as emotionally strong as she is. I learned that from her. Sure I can help you gain muscles, help you learn war tactics, help you run faster, help you get stronger, but what happens after the war? What happens to these men's minds after the war? Some see doctors afterwards because of what they see. Some are lucky enough to get killed and not have to have nightmares about it later." Shang sighed, "The reason why I couldn't sleep was because of the same reason Mulan had: fear, fear of the unknown, fear of the known, fear of what may come, fear in general."

"That's why she has you and why you have her Li Shang," Fa Li answered him, "I can assure you that my daughter was not the same girl she was when she came back home from the war. She was stronger, braver, much more disciplined too. She did things without complaining and listened to what I had to say. It was as if, taking her to war did her some good. Sure now she's more determined and anxious to go on missions, but I think one of those reasons is because she would be you. You can help her Shang, and you'll find that she can help you also. You have to learn that, life happens and there's nothing you can do to turn it around. You just have to go down the path and wing it," Fa Li smiled and gave him a pat on the back. "I know it's not much of a pep talk, but I hope it's inspired you somewhat."

Shang smiled and got up from the table, "No, it definitely has. I have an idea of how to conquer this nightmare of hers. Please tell Mulan when she wakes up that she knows where to find me."

Fa Li looked at him curiously, "But she lost her memory remember? How would she…"

Shang grinned and walked over to the door, "Trust me. Mulan is a smart woman, she'll find her way."

* * *

"What do you mean he said, 'She'll find her way'?" Mulan asked incredulously. "That _ass…_" she muttered.

"What did you say?" Her mother immediately asked angrily, completely interrupting Mulan. Fa Li threw her daughter a look.

"Nothing," Mulan grunted. "Did he leave any clues or anything? Doesn't he know that I lost my…"

Her mother nodded, "Yes, I reminded him several times, but all he did was smile."

Instead of cursing Shang, Mulan instead tried to smirk, but it turned into a smile. She laughed and looked away, avoiding her mother's eyes.

"Is that a smile I see?" Her mother asked suspiciously.

Mulan smiled and then blushed when her mother laughed. She then kissed her mother good bye and walked out the door.

* * *

Shang sighed as he walked the old beaten down roads of the Wu Zhong camp. It was abandoned ever since the end of the war, and no longer needed for the time being. The real soldiers, the full time soldiers were training at the military academy. He looked around and imagined the tents of his trained soldiers and smiled, "_We were drawn from the weeds,_" he thought as he looked down at the weeds growing on the grass, "_We were brave like soldiers falling down under the pale moonlight._" Shang continued to walk around the camp and got the spot where Mulan or Ping's tent was pitched. He laughed as he remembered just how dilapidated her tent was. He smiled as he remembered Ping's training, "_You were holding on to me like someone broken,_" he thought. Shang sighed. "It's frightening how things can change in just a matter of seconds," he said to no one in particular.

* * *

Mulan set out of her home after changing into a dress. She brought Khan along with her, but decided not to ride out on him until she left the town. Mulan decided she would pass along the town square first and maybe find out exactly where Shang had decided to head out.

As she walked through the town, she noticed some of the demeaning and angry glances from some of the elders and women of the town, while some of the men around Shang's age smiled and greeted her with more honor than she was used to. Mulan sighed and wondered what was bringing along this change. She had failed the Matchmaker's test, but not enough to receive such dishonor from several people.

"Mulan!" a girl's shrill voice screamed, suddenly interrupting her thoughts. "I have not seen you in the longest time! Have you decided to visit today?"

Mulan laughed and ran over to her childhood best friend, hugging her tightly. "Lin! How are you? I feel we haven't talked in ages!"

"That's because we haven't! I haven't received a single letter from you, nor any visits! Has this whole 'saving China heroine' deal gone to your head? Or are you just too busy with that handsome General of yours?" Lin asked slyly.

Mulan opened her mouth in shock, and couldn't find the words to say. She had no idea what Lin was implying or what she meant.

Lin giggled, "You silly girl. You don't have to tell me what happens between you two. Obviously you two share a bond from the Army that I wouldn't understand. I know, I know. And you're a woman now so I wouldn't understand! By the way, I saw your man running around here and he went northward. Is there some special occasion today?"

"No," Mulan fake-smiled, "Not that I know of. Do you know where he was going?"

Lin smiled jubilantly, "He is so sweet, you know that? Shang stopped by and said hello to me, and then told me he was on his way to the Wu Zhong camp, probably to reminisce on some memories." She sighed dreamily.

"Where's that?" Mulan asked.

Lin threw her a look, "Now you're just being funny. You act as if you don't even know what happened between you and Shang the past few years. Hello? Wu Zhong camp is where you two met!"

Mulan just sat there, still not knowing what to say. She didn't want to confess the fact that her head had been out of it for the past few days, but she wanted to know what exactly happened between her and Shang. Mulan just had to squeeze it out of Lin somehow, but not today because she needed to find Shang.

"Do you think you could show me how to get there?" Mulan asked with a smile.

Lin's mouth dropped in awe. Mulan grinned and got a paper and handed it towards Lin, who continued to look at her oddly. Lin shook her head in shock, still not understanding her best friend. After she gave the paper to Mulan, she continued to look at her but not in shock but curiosity.

Mulan quickly thanked her and got on Khan to ride to the Wu Zhong camp. For once in her life, Mulan did not understand her best friend.

* * *

Shang sat on the grass now, looking at his surroundings. He sighed and honestly wished for the past, when things were easier. He wished he could go back to the day he first met Ping, or Mulan for that matter. _And do what?_ His mind asked. All this time, and especially since he had married Mulan, Shang had wondered, if he had known while Mulan was masquerading as Ping that she was a girl, would that have changed things? Would he have gone easier on her? Absolutely, but at the same time, would that have saved her life on the battlefield? Would he have fallen in love with her first hand instead of becoming her friend, and then realizing as he tore up Chi Fu and stared at her numbly on the palace steps, just how much he loved her? But if all of that had happened differently, wouldn't things have turned out differently? Wouldn't things have been easier? Shang sighed. He should have asked Mulan these questions when he had the chance, and more importantly, he should have told her he loved her when he had the chance.

Suddenly Shang heard heavy footsteps. He quickly stood up and ready to fight, but then relaxed when he saw the figure that was approaching.

Mulan jumped off her horse and marched up to Shang to look him in the eyes, "What the hell were you thinking? I mean, do you know how hard it was for me to find you? What if I didn't follow you? What if I decided to stay home and just ignore you?"

Shang smirked, which only furthered Mulan's anger. "One, I knew you would find me. If not through your memories then through your friend Lin. Two, it couldn't have been that hard. You talk to Lin every time you visit your parents. You were bound to talk to her. Plus, you are a very smart woman; I figured you would have found me sooner or later. Three, of course you would have followed me. You want to get rid of that burning village in your mind, right? Lastly, I know you so well. You have so many questions to ask me. You wanted to find me. Besides, your mother would have made you leave anyway."

Mulan bit her lip from smiling, and crinkled her nose. Shang laughed as he saw her expression, also prompting Mulan to laugh.

"So," Shang asked quickly, "What did Lin say about me? Tell me the truth. I have a feeling that you've learned something new…" _about us…_He wanted to say, but bit his lip.

Mulan paused for a moment and then replied, "You're a General? I swear I thought you were Captain. I…I saved China? Was I in your army branch? I…I was so lost talking with her. I didn't understand a word she said. I mean, what happened over the past five years?"

Shang grimaced, "So much Mulan. So much. And the thing is, I can't help you get all of your memories back. I wasn't there for all of them. There are some memories that you have to remember on your own, otherwise it wouldn't be fair to you or to me. Plus, I want to hear your side of the memory. One of my biggest regrets was not really talking to you about them, and how you felt. But you can ask me any question you want. I want to help you remember…" _I want you to remember me_, Shang wanted to say, but he didn't.

Mulan sighed happily, "Good, because I have so many questions to ask you. For one, why was I at camp? What was I doing here? What was I doing in the Tung Shao pass? How did I save China?"

Shang smiled, "One of my favorite parts of your story. Let's walk around the camp. Maybe you'll remember some things?"

Mulan nodded.

"_He started it!" The soldiers answered him._

_Immediately Mulan looked up and saw a young man looking at her in the most peculiar manner. She quickly stood up, to greet him, and dusted herself off. Mulan had hoped to avoid eye contact, but the way he pushed his face in front of hers startled her. Never in her life had she been this close to a guy, let alone a man who could one beat her up, but one she wanted to stare dreamily at for a very very very long time. _

"_I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp," he boomed, interrupting Mulan's daydream._

"_Uh…sorry, I…" Mulan cleared her throat, "I mean, sorry you had to see that, but you know when you get those manly urges," she punched his arm to pretend to be his friend. He looked at the punch and then at her. Mulan grimaced as she shook her hand. The punch had hurt. "And you just got to kill somebody," she continued in the manliest voice she could muster, "Fix things, cook outdoors…"_

"_What is your name?" He angrily asked, interrupting her._

"_Uh…" Mulan's mind drew a complete blank. If anything, that should have been the first thing she came up with._

"_Your commanding officer just asked you a question," the old man next to him said, hitting her nose with his ink tool._

_Trying to gain herself time, Mulan decided to say superfluous things, "I've got a name. And it's a boy's name too."_

"_How about Ling?" Mushu suddenly asked._

"_His name is Ling," Mulan whispered back._

_Shang growled. "I didn't ask for his name, I asked for yours!"_

"_Ah! What about Ah-Chu?" Mushu suggested._

"_Ah-Chu!" Mulan immediately blurted out._

"_Ah-Chu?" Shang asked, with a look on his face like he had no patience._

"_Gesundheit!" Mushu jokingly said. _

_Mulan growled and muttered, "Mushu!"_

"_Mushu?" Shang asked again._

"_No!" Mulan said immediately, but realized she should have, due to the fact that she was not getting any names that worked._

_Shang's eyes widened in anger and asked in a louder voice, "Well, then what is it?"_

"_Ping was my best friend growing up…" Mushu started._

"_Ping!" Mulan immediately replied, "My name is Ping."_

"_Ping?" Shang said incredulously. "Let me see your conscription notice." Shang took her notice and his eyes widened when he realized who it belonged to. "Fa Zhou?" He asked with even more shock. "The Fa Zhou?"_

_Mulan sighed. Her father was a war hero, and she would prove to be an even further disgrace._

"_I didn't know he had a son!" Chi Fu added._

"_That's because he has such a stubborn daughter, who can't keep her mouth shut in a man's presence," Mulan muttered, but no one heard her. But she had to answer them, so she replied, "He doesn't talk about me much," and with that she tried to spit like a boy, but it failed miserably._

"_I can see why," Chi Fu whispered a bit too loudly, "the boy is an absolute lunatic."_

_Shang bit his lip from laughing, and immediately became the stern Captain once again. "Thanks to your new friend Ping," he gestured to him, "You will spend the rest of the day picking up every single grain of rice. And beginning tomorrow, the real work begins."_

_Mulan sighed as she realized who she would be working with…her new enemies._

* * *

"Did you hate me?" Mulan asked suddenly, after walking in silence for the past few minutes.

"Hate you?" Shang asked curiously.

"Yeah," Mulan said, and looked at the ground. "On the first day that we met, when your face was right in mine and you were yelling at me for causing such a mess. Did you hate me?"

Shang laughed, "You remember that?"

Mulan shrugged and smiled, "I just did. I remember standing about here picking up 'every single grain of rice'."

Shang grinned, "No, I didn't hate you. I was just disappointed in what you had turned out to be. Your father was one of the greatest war heroes of all time, and he and my father turned out to be great comrades with probably one of the best teamwork ever. I just thought you would be one of my helpers, someone who could be a great example to the rest. That was my mistake though. I was thinking ahead of myself. You didn't train in the academy. And just like me, and my father, and your father, you required training. But, you eventually turned up, and I saw the same spirit in you, that my father saw in your father."

Mulan smiled and nodded, "So I was a great fighter?"

"Was? You still are," Shang replied. He grabbed her hand and said, "Follow me. I want to try a little experiment." Shang led her to the pole and took out of the bag on his horse, two smaller weights and handed them to Mulan. He put on weight on her arm and said to her, "this represents strength." Shang then put the other weight on her other arm and said, "This represents discipline." He watched as she weighed both. "You need both to reach the top of the pole."

Mulan looked at him with a bit of fear, but Shang reassured her, "You can do it. You're a smart woman. You'll remember. Just be a man."

And with that, last line, the memories flooded into her head of the weeks of training she had to undergo: running around the mountain with the weights on each end of the bamboo stick, climbing the pole, shooting the apple into the tree, batting away the rocks with a bucket on her head, catching the fish, dodging the flaming arrows, aiming for little Shan Yu with her cannon, and much more. But the one memory that she remembered the clearest, was the smile Shang gave her once she reached the arrow. And with that, Mulan had the courage to climb up the pole once more.

Shang watched in awe as she climbed up the pole so quickly and without any trouble. Once she reached the top, she asked with a smirk, "Is this how you train your soldiers? Because these weights aren't so heavy."

Shang laughed, "I didn't want to make it too hard for you soldier."

"Yeah, yeah," Mulan said as she slowly climbed the pole, "Just because I lost my memory doesn't mean I lost my strength or stamina." As she was talking, she accidentally took a misstep and started to fall down.

Shang immediately ran to her and caught her in his arms, but felt to the ground with her. As they lay on the ground breathing heavily, Shang asked, "Are you okay?" and slowly moved the hair out of her face, meeting her eye to eye. For a while, no one said anything as they stared at each other.

While Mulan lay their admiring his aspects, Shang was torn: kiss her or not. He wanted to be a man and just kiss her already, but another part of him told him it was too soon.

Finally Mulan stood up, and then helped him up, "Um…thank you for um…saving my life there. I…uh…owe you one," she told him, avoiding eye contact. "But uh, let's get back on track, shall we?" She asked with a smile.

Shang nodded and got on his horse. Mulan followed and sighed sadly as she charged up Khan to ride side by side with Shang, and asked herself, _why didn't he kiss me?_

* * *

The ride to the Tung Shao Pass was a short one, due to the fact that they were running on their horses, instead of marching at a steady pace like last time. While on the way, Mulan gained another memory, which Shang noticed, when she started to hum one of the songs the army sang on the way to battle: "A Girl Worth Fighting For". Shang chuckled to himself as he remembered the shallow wishes of the men, which all changed somewhat once they met Mulan.

"Shang?" Mulan asked, after she stopped humming. "Why didn't you sing on the way to the battle? Singing is a great way to calm yourself."

"Well I was nervous," Shang replied, "but I was more worried about my father. That letter came as a huge shock to me. To receive that letter meant that he was in great trouble, I had hoped I wasn't too late."

"Oh," Mulan said softly. "Well which of the men's desires about a girl did you agree the most with?" She asked, trying to lighten up the suddenly darkened mood.

Shang looked her in the eyes and said with a smile, "Yours."

"_How about a girl who's got a brain and always speaks her mind?_" were the words Mulan kept going through in her mind. She smiled as she thought about this, and realized just how compatible she really was with Shang, but more importantly, how she was falling for him slowly.

"Really?" Mulan asked with a smile that was growing more and more by the minute.

Shang laughed and nodded his head.

"Why do you say that?" she asked. Mulan had never met a man that thought the same way she did, or better yet, viewed women with that much respect.

"I guess you could say that once I heard the things that my soldiers wanted in a woman I realized how shallow it was," Shang answered her, "I wanted a woman I could talk to, someone I could trust, and love. I didn't want just a doll. I want a real human being. I guess you made me see that. But I'll go further into depth about that later."

Mulan nodded understandingly. "So," Mulan asked curiously, but regretted it once she asked, "Do you have a wife?"

Shang looked at her with the saddest eyes she had ever seen. He looked away and opened his mouth to respond, but was stopped when he saw what was in front of him: the Tung Shao Pass.

Mulan's eyes widened in horror and once again she went into a daze:  
_The fiery red sky that once haunted her appeared in her dreams once more. The usual blue sky was a haunting hue of fire and smoke. Smoke filled her lungs making it harder to breathe, but she was already left breathless from the sight around her. Ashes of bodies and buildings fell from the sky like rain does in a storm. The destructive fires surrounded her from all around. She turned around trying to find a way out, but there was no escaping this horror. Screams of men, women and children pervaded her mind. While the broken bell tolled, women and children screamed for their fathers, and the men groaned in pain._

_Suddenly Mulan felt a hand on her shoulder._

"_No!" She screamed, trying to run away from the sight._

"_No!" She screamed louder._

Immediately Mulan charged Khan to get out of there, but Shang grabbed her arm to stop her. He then placed his other hand on her shoulder and turned her to face him, "its okay." He reassured her, "I'm here. Don't run out on me okay?"

He jumped off his horse and gestured for Mulan to follow. They walked together along the snow side by side, close enough to hold hands, yet Shang felt distant from her, as she kept silent. He grimaced as he remembered the burning village that once remained here. The village was never rebuilt, and those who survived from the village, if they did indeed survive, were nowhere to be found. Shang looked behind him to see Mulan slowly tiptoeing along the snow, not wanting to get any closer. "Are you okay?" Shang asked gently.

Mulan shook her head, "I don't want to go any further Shang. Can I just go home now? I don't see how this is helping. Sure it helped me back at the camp, but not now. This is only making it worse for me."

"Mulan," Shang sternly told her, "If you ever want to get over your fear, you're going to have to face it head on. You can do this." He walked over to her and placed his arm around her and they walked together through the snow. Shang noticed she was shivering, so he got his cape from his bag and placed it around her. She quietly thanked him, and they continued to walk until they reached a small jut in the mountainside. _Just let me hold you while you're falling apart, _he whispered, _just let me hold you when we both fall down._

Mulan looked up at Shang and wondered why they paused there. He cringed for a moment and quickly said to Mulan, "Mulan, can…I need to do something for a minute." She watched as he walked over to his horse and peered into his bag. Even though Mulan had barely any memory of Shang, she could tell when something was wrong. Mulan walked over the other side of the horse and Shang quickly dried his tears. He looked up at Mulan and smiled, trying to hide his red eyes by rubbing it. "Um, Mulan are you ready to move on?"

Mulan paused for a moment and wondered what to say. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked as gently as she could, "I'm sorry."

Shang's eyes widened as he remembered those same words that Mulan had said to him, when his father had died. It was his turn to be strong. He couldn't show weakness just in front of his soldiers, or her. Shang shook his head and replied, "It's not my time to fall apart on you. I came here to help you, not fall apart." He then continued to walk on, but Mulan immediately ran in front of him.

"No," she said sternly, "I may need help but so do you. Just tell me everything you want me to be. I can't be helped if you're suffering also. Let me help you. I am there for you, and you're there for me."

Shang looked away, "Remembering it is not going to make me feel any better."

Mulan scowled, "Says the man who took me here in the first place to remember."

"It's not the same situation Mulan," Shang retorted, "My father died. I get a memory of that each and every year, and sometimes every day when my mother cries for no apparent reason. I haven't forgotten and I never will. I just have regrets, like why couldn't I have been there to save him? Why couldn't I have died along with him?"

"Because Li Shang," Mulan angrily answered him, "You wouldn't have been here today to help me. You would have never trained me to become the heroine every one knows today. You wouldn't have become General and taken your father's place if you joined him on the battlefield. Plus, I'm pretty sure your wife is happy you're alive."

"You'd be surprised," Shang muttered.

Mulan laughed, "She hates you?"

Shang chuckled, "You could say that."

Mulan smiled, "One day I'd like to meet the woman that makes you angry, but at the same time makes you swoon and go head over heels for her."

Shang sighed, "One day you will."

"Will you tell me about her?" Mulan asked, "And perhaps why you chose her?" So her heart had broken a bit when Shang had told her he had a wife, but what could she expect? He was handsome and a General. He had to be married by now.

"Well she's beautiful, and smart, and almost everything that you and the men said in the song you men were singing on the way here," Shang smiled.

Mulan smiled, "Doesn't she mind us spending so much time together? And with you always at my house?"

Shang shook his head, "No, because she isn't really on this earth anymore."

"She's dead?" Mulan asked.

Shang shrugged, "You could say that."

Mulan placed a hand on his shoulder, "So you lost a wife and a father," she sighed sympathetically, "I'm sorry."

Shang grimaced, "_If I don't do anything, then I really will lose a wife,_" he thought.

"Did you love her?" Mulan asked.

Shang laughed, "I thought I was supposed to be helping you! Not the other way around! C'mon, we need to finish the tour of the Tung Shao Pass. You haven't reached the best part yet."

Mulan scowled and followed Shang, "Don't remind me."

Shang smiled and laughed, "Trust me, you're going to enjoy this part."

"Why?" Mulan asked curiously.

"Because," Shang said with a smile, "this is where you became a hero."

* * *

"To this day, I'm honestly still in awe," Shang said with his pride shining through, "You were crazy enough to save me."

Mulan shrugged, "I just didn't want to fight, really. I mean it was a spur of the moment thing. I saw the avalanche and then I can't believe you followed after me. And I couldn't let my commanding officer die. I had to save you."

Shang smiled and hugged her, "I trained you well soldier."

Fa Li greeted them at the door, while drying a dish, "You two are late. How was walking down memory lane today?"

Shang looked at Mulan, who looked at him and smiled and then towards her mother, "It was great actually."

Fa Li sighed, "I'm glad to hear that because it is way past dinner and I'm afraid there is no food left."

"That's okay Fa Li," Shang replied, "we went out to eat at a restaurant."

Mulan smiled, "I took him to my favorite restaurant! Surprisingly the people over there already knew him, and Shang knew what to order. And the best part is it was on the house!"

Fa Li smiled and said to Mulan, "That's great to hear dear. Now why don't you wash up and get ready for bed."

Mulan nodded and went to her room.

Fa Li sighed and looked at Shang who shared the same feeling. "How hard was it to keep it under wraps at the restaurant?"

Shang laughed, "Not that hard actually. But oh, Mulan found out I have a wife."

Fa Li laughed, "And what's her name Shang?"

Shang smiled, "Oh, she didn't even ask about that. But I said she was dead."

Fa Li bit her lip from laughing, "I'm sorry Shang."

Shang chuckled, "Yeah me too. Because until Mulan remembers that she is my wife, she's kind of dead right now, or not in this world, is what I should really say."

Fa Li sighed and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, "Don't worry she'll remember soon."

Shang sighed, "Yeah I sure hope so because I don't think I could keep myself from not being able to kiss your daughter. Oh, and I came pretty close to kissing her today."

"Oh really?" Fa Li laughed and walked into the kitchen, with Shang following.

"Yeah," Shang sighed, "and it wasn't that I wasn't man enough to do it, it's just that I was scared it's too soon."

Fa Li laughed, "Trust me. You should have done it the moment you walked into the door. Mulan has been madly in love with you for the longest time. And she would have jumped and kissed you especially if you walked into the house without your shirt."

"Am I the only one who doesn't know that story? Besides is that her dream or Granny Fa's?" Shang asked jokingly.

Fa Li laughed, "Both. Just, next time you get the chance, go and kiss her."

Shang sighed, "Well, we'll see, won't we? If she feels the same?" Shang walked over and hugged her, and said goodnight to his mother-in-law.

As he walked by Mulan's room, he smiled and hoped that he had helped her somewhat.

* * *

Mulan tucked herself into bed and smiled as she watched the lights go out in Shang's room. Though she wouldn't admit it, she was falling for Shang, and today certainly made those feelings for him grow. So he didn't have a wife, and she had died. Though Mulan should have felt sorry for that, she didn't, and it seemed that he didn't either. She sighed and turned to face the window, trying to get some sleep for the next day with Shang.

_The fiery red sky that once haunted her haunted her again. The sky was a hue of fire and smoke. Smoke filled her lungs making it harder to breathe, but she was already left breathless from the sight around her. Ashes of bodies and buildings fell from the sky like rain does in a storm. The destructive fires surrounded her from all around. She turned around trying to find a way out, but there was no escaping this horror. Screams of men, women and children pervaded her mind. While the broken bell tolled, women and children screamed for their fathers, and the men groaned in pain._

_Suddenly Mulan felt a hand on her shoulder, but this time she didn't cry out. She knew who it belonged to. She smiled knowing every thing would be ever the same. _


	4. Thanks For Making Me A Fighter

_Just in case you didn't know...italicized parts are flashbacks._

Chapter 4 – Fighter (by Christina Aguilera)

Mulan crept slowly to the corner of the hallway, eavesdropping on Shang's conversation with her mother. It was early in the morning, so neither Shang, her mother, or even Mulan herself expected Mulan to be awake.

Shang sighed as he put down his cup of tea, "I need to be here Fa Li. I can just tell the Emperor…"

Fa Li sighed, "Shang you must follow orders. You know better than that. No matter how dire the situation is here, you must listen to the Emperor. It isn't like you to disobey an order."

Shang laughed, "I've learned from the best."

Mulan smirked, knowing he was referring to her.

"How early do you have to be there?" Fa Li asked, pouring him yet another cup of tea.

Shang sighed and looked at his scroll, "Order says 'as early as possible'. I'm just waiting for Mulan to get up so I can tell her."

"You might as well just wake her up now and then leave," Fa Li chuckled, "It's going to be a while before she wakes up, you know that."

Shang shrugged, "I don't know. There were a couple of times when she woke up early, like at Army camp, on the mission to Qui Gong, and after…" He faltered and then smiled slyly.

Fa Li opened her mouth in shock and hit him on the side of the head, "I'm going to pretend I did not hear that."

Shang laughed, "I'm sorry. I can't help it." He sighed, "I miss those days. I really do. Going back down memory lane with her makes me wish…" Shang faltered again.

Mulan watched as her mother comforted Shang. She wondered how long these morning sessions had been going on and whether or not they would give more information to her questions. All the things Lin had told her made her wonder a lot of things, but Mulan couldn't just ask her to tell her the story, Lin would think she was going crazy. Mulan sighed, she wished she had heard some of the things Shang had said, but he had faded off. She decided it was time to make herself visible. Mulan stepped into the kitchen, startling her mother and causing Shang to turn to look at her.

"Good morning," Mulan greeted them.

"Good morning," her mother kissed her on the cheek and then left her alone with Shang. What Mulan had missed was the subtle hint Fa Li had given to Shang.

Mulan sat down at the table and sat across from Shang, looking at him drink from his cup. Finally, he said, "Mulan, I'm sorry but I can't be here today."

Mulan's eyes widened, from genuine shock. She had honestly thought her mother and Shang were talking about something else. "Why not?" she asked.

Shang bit his lip and replied, "The Emperor has ordered me to report to his palace to discuss military matters. I would take you but…"

"I know," Mulan interrupted him, "I haven't got the memory to be able to participate. I can't believe I did take that secretary job after all. You have to take me to the palace so I can remember it."

Shang smiled, "I will in due time. But I'm honestly glad Chi Fu isn't there at the meetings anymore due to the fact that the Emperor is present there and you were there to take notes. However, now that you're not there, I'm afraid Chi Fu will have to be present."

"If I'm a secretary then why am I not living in the palace and always around the Emperor like Chi Fu?" Mulan asked.

"Well," Shang answered her, "You're not necessarily a secretary to the Emperor. Remember how Chi Fu was always around me and noting things that I did? Well that's your job now. They created a separate job for you: Army secretary. You note down things that happen so you can report them to the Emperor so he can send for more reinforcements and provide us with supplies, and more. Plus, now we can keep fragile little Chi Fu safe in a building where he belongs."

Mulan laughed, "Did I make any difference during these meetings?"

Shang smiled, "You made a world of a difference. These men, though they received years of strategic training, never saw things or devised ideas as well as you do. They never understand just how important one small thing may be. Your ideas make sense and are completely logical."

Mulan smiled, "I'm glad to hear that. But how long are you going to be gone?"

Shang sighed, "My bet is the whole day."

"What am I to do while you're gone?" she asked Shang.

Shang paused for a moment. He hadn't really thought about that. But he smiled as an idea popped into his head, "Do what you always do."

"My chores?" Mulan asked scowling.

Shang laughed, "Sure why not? Whatever helps you remember things better."

"Going around and spending time with you helps me remember better!" Mulan argued.

Shang smiled one of his famous smiles that always made Mulan's heart melt. But she wouldn't show it this time, so she rolled her eyes. Shang laughed and asked slyly, "Are you saying that you're going to miss me?"

Mulan smirked, "I didn't say those exact words."

Shang laughed and hugged Mulan tightly. "I'll miss you too Mulan." He then kissed her on the cheek and said before he walked out the door, "Just go on an adventure like I know you love to."

From the window Mulan watched as Shang departed with the wind blowing his cape. It was almost like that one day…

"_It's General Shang! General Shang!" her little disciples yelled as they ran up to Shang. Mulan smirked at the little puppy love the girls had for Shang._

"_Hello, little warriors," he greeted them as he got off the horse. Once Shang and Mulan's eyes met Shang smiled, never keeping his eyes off of hers. Mulan blushed and looked down as he approached her with the little children following. _

_Mulan noticed that Shang was nervous, and though she was a bit nervous herself, she was probably not as nervous as Shang. So to make it easier on him she decided to start the conversation, "The new suits you, General," Mulan said teasing him loosely with his new title._

_Shang briefly looked at the uniform and then back at her, "The uniform, yes." When he looked back at her smiling at him, it almost calmed him down. "Now I just have to live up to it."_

_Mulan smiled, "Of course you will. You're very brave."_

_Shang groaned internally. Things were not going so easy for him. "Oh right, brave." He cleared his throat, hoping to gain some confidence. "Uh, Mulan, I haven't known you for very long, but I feel that doesn't matter when…"_

Mulan groaned, her head started to hurt, taking her in and out of her flashback.

_The children's laughter overshadowed Shang. Mulan pouted, causing Shang to chuckle a bit. She had wanted to see what Shang was going to say._

_He tried again, "when a man is…"_

Mulan sighed. The memory wasn't coming fully to her. She pouted, wishing she could remember what Shang had said. Mulan looked back out the window and watched as Shang rode away. She then placed a hand to her cheek and smiled.

* * *

"Good morning General," the guards greeted him, as he ran up the stairs to the door.

"Good morning men," Shang replied breathlessly, "Am I late?" he asked the men.

"Well Chi Fu entered in," one of the men replied, "So that can't be good. I thought it would be Chi Fu free today, and then he entered in, ruining my day once again."

The other man chuckled and replied, "Yeah and you can bet he's going to be complaining about how dangerous it really is out there, now that he's seen war, and how you can never be too safe, and how we need more guards around this place."

Shang laughed at the remarks the men made, which were true about Chi Fu.

"Where is your lovely wife today General?" one of them asked.

"Yeah, I would have loved to see her instead of Chi Fu," the other guard replied. "She always brightens my day with a smile. Plus, I'm sure she's more helpful than that old windbag."

Shang laughed, "She's with her parents at home. She's not feeling well today. I thought a nice visit to her parents would make her feel a bit better."

The men nodded understandingly.

Shang looked up at the sun and its position in the sky, "Well I better get going before Chi Fu screams his head off at me being late, and how Mulan is corrupting me."

The men laughed, and one answered, "Well, I have to admit it, she is changing us, but definitely for the better."

Shang smiled and bid the men farewell as he entered into the large palace hall. He ran to the usual meeting place and took a deep breath as he stood in front of the door. The guards in front of the door, sent him their sympathies and Shang smirked. He then had the guards open the door and braced himself for another round of Chi Fu yelling, which he had hoped ended for good.

"Who did you think you are?" Chi Fu yelled at him, "Coming in here late, and then striding in as if you owned the place?"

Shang smirked, "Good morning Chi Fu. Looks like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to get this meeting started, and if I don't recall, you're only here to take notes, seeing as how you don't know anything about military strategic." Shang smirked at the old man, while the other men around him chuckled. "Plus, if you're done acting like your naggy wife, I'd like to get right to the point so I can go home as soon as possible."

"General," the Emperor spoke, "I'm afraid this may take all day. How is your wife faring? I'm sorry she became ill."

Shang nodded, "She'll be better soon." _I hope so…_he thought.

The Emperor nodded, "Fair enough. Now men, let's get started. As we spoke in the previous meeting, the threat of invasion grows greatly by the day. General, are you and your men prepared for any unexpected attacks?"

Shang nodded, "Yes sir, I know we are. My men can fight like ten Mongols. The training that was passed down for many centuries has been taught, but also modified in a stricter manner to better suit the current time. I believe Consul Fa Mulan's notes may be of help to regarding your decision."

"May I also remind you your highness," Chi Fu retorted, "that my notes are probably more precise and how Fa Mulan's notes may be corrupted due to her relationship with the General?"

Shang breathed in and out and calmly replied, "Our marriage has no sort of impact on the matter of how well I train my troops…"

"You trained her, some spark must have flown between you two, the training created some nostalgia for her and therefore she deems it proper training," Chi Fu interrupted him.

"There is a fallacy in your argument! But if that's the case then the training must be suitable, seeing as how she saved not only you, but also China," Shang argued back.

"Saved me?" Chi Fu laughed at the idea, "The woman merely disobeyed your orders due to her rebellious behavior and luckily hit the mountain correctly, knocking out the Huns…"

"Luck?" Shang asked with growing anger in his voice, "That is what you call quick thinking and excellent military strategic!"

"No General," Chi Fu rose from his chair and started yelling, "That is what you call an unruly woman, who was merely trying to get attention to herself. You would know, considering you married the witch and was brought under her charm. Maybe more happened at that camp than I saw…"

Shang immediately got up in his chair, and fought the urge to pick up Chi Fu by the collar as he did last time, "How dare you! How dare you challenge the woman that is now considered the Heroine of China? How dare you call her a seducer? How dare you question her honor? How dare you question my honor? I, if anything, was raised by an honorable man who you knew and respected. Don't you think I take after my father? I hold the same values that he, Mulan, and all of you hold deep in your mind. So how dare you, you pompous old man, even argue that we have no sense of honor, when you yourself have no respect or honor for anyone else but yourself and…"

"That is enough," the Emperor boomed, interrupting both men. He sighed and muttered to where only Shang could hear, "_maybe it was better that Fa Mulan was here._" The Emperor then decided to continue his meeting.

Shang sighed as he looked towards the door. He wondered what Mulan was doing and if she was enjoying her day more than he was.

* * *

Mulan arose from bed about two hours later due to Little Brother. Shang wasn't here so she was getting as much as sleep as she could. The little dog woke her up with his barks and demanded to be fed. As soon as she got out of bed, which was thirty minutes later, she went to go feed the little guy and fed the chickens herself. Once she finished, she swept the house and then went to go help her mother in the kitchen.

"Mama," Mulan said, standing there. "What would you like me to do today?"

"Go outside," her mother hastily answered.

"And do what?" Mulan asked again.

"Whatever it is you want," Fa Li replied.

"What?" Mulan asked in shock.

Fa Li sighed, "Shang made sure that I didn't give you any chores to ensure that you went out and had an adventure yourself. So go before I change my mind!"

Mulan laughed and kissed her mother on the cheek. She then ran out the backdoor. Mulan smiled at the nice sunny day and breathed in the fresh air. As she stood at the backdoor she wondered, "What am I going to do?" Mulan pouted. It seemed once she got what she wanted she had no idea what to do with it. _Ask Lin questions?_ Mulan sighed knowing that it would not work out.

Mulan growled and walked over to the wheat field. Once she got there, Mulan stomped on the tool causing it to flip. In one swift movement, she caught the spade with her backhand and walked deeper into the field. For a moment, Mulan stopped, contemplating her actions. It was almost like…it was almost like it was routine. She was in awe on how she did it, but looking back on it, it seemed almost…_too easy_.

She looked at the open field around her and then around her for anyone else looking. The wind suddenly blew in her hair in her face and Mulan moved it away and smirked. She grounded her feet into the dirt and steadied herself. Mulan took a deep breath in as she readied herself for a jump kick…

* * *

"_Well I thought I knew you…" Mulan muttered as she got kicked to the ground once again, "I couldn't trust, called your bluff." She groaned as she got up._

"_Get up soldier!" Shang yelled at her, "This isn't the Matchmaker!"_

_Mulan bit her lip to keep from complaining, "I'd rather be at the Matchmaker," she thought._

Mulan smiled as she landed it. "_Time for something harder,_" she thought…

"_Am I dealing with women here or men?" Shang bellowed as they got into formation again. "While the rest of you are like women, it seems Ping here, is the only little girl. Congratulations, Ping, you are as feminine as my sister."_

_Mulan snarled as the men giggled at her, "That might be because I might as well be your sister," she muttered. _

"_Oh and Ping," Shang said with a smile, "We're running downhill this time with the bamboo and the weights so it'll be easier on your little shoulders and leggies. Can you handle it this time?"_

_The men laughed and grabbed their weights. Shang quickly threw it at her stomach, causing her to fall backwards from the weight. The men laughed at her and started running ahead of her._

_Mulan picked herself up off the ground and put the weights on her shoulder. She watched as the men ran, with growing motivation. "You probably think that I hold resentment for you," she said to Shang as she watched him run with the soldiers, "But, oh no, you're wrong, because if it wasn't for all that you tried to do, I wouldn't know how capable I am to pull through. So I want to say thank you." Mulan then started to run as fast as she could._

_Within just a few seconds she caught up with the men in the back, who snarled at her, "Look who finally caught up!" _

_Mulan immediately knocked them down with her weights and continued to run faster, "Cause it makes me that much stronger," she said as she ran._

"_Makes me work a little bit harder," she continued as she ran through the crowd of men, who watched in awe as she surpassed them with speed._

_She then used one end of the stick to jump over to the front of the line near Shang. "Makes me that much wiser," she said as she caught up with Shang. The men behind her started to complain and Mulan quickly hit their stomachs with one end of the stick. Mulan watched as Shang tried his best to keep his cool and try to outrun Mulan, but she only smirked and said before she finally started to sprint, "So thanks for making me a fighter," and turned back around just once to see Shang's face as she sprinted down and much faster than anyone else._

_Mulan, of course, reached camp before anyone else and had the chance to rest under the tree for a couple of minutes. She smirked at the breathless and tired men who came into camp once again and collapsed on the floor. Some men walked over to try and talk to her, but she ignored them and walked straight over to Shang._

"_Ping," Shang started. He turned to her and opened his mouth to speak but Mulan beat him to it. _

_Mulan immediately threw her weights to his stomach, causing Shang to grab his stomach in pain. While he was hunched over, Mulan leaned into his face and spoke in a solemn, but obviously angered tone, "'Cause you made me learn a little bit faster, made my skin a little bit thicker, makes me that much smarter, thanks for making me a fighter." _

_Mulan then walked away leaving all the men, including Shang with their mouths agape. _

* * *

Mulan got her spade and pretended to use it as a sword. She remembered the sword tactics that Shang had taught her at camp and some that she had learned from practicing all the years after she left. As she twirled with her pretend sword, some younger men walked by her and started to watch and taunt her.

"Why hello there, lady warrior," one man said, "How about you show me some of your moves later?" He said in sickeningly flirtatious way.

Mulan snarled and ignored him, continuing her practice.

"It isn't very nice to ignore someone that is talking to you miss," the other man said, "Where are your manners? Oh right. You might not have any considering you were a man for almost a month."

Mulan, having enough of this, immediately kicked up two sharp rocks and hit them with her spade, causing the rocks to hit hard into one of the men. The rocks then caused him to fall flat on his back, and Mulan turned to the remaining man and smirked at him, while she tossed a rock in her hand, inferring that she could strike again.

The man immediately picked up his friend and the both of them ran out of her sight as quickly as they could, turning back every now and then, making sure that Mulan didn't hit them again from behind their backs. Mulan smiled as she watched them run, "Didn't think so," she said with a smile.

She threw her spade on the ground and readied herself for some combat practice. Mulan bit her lip as she remembered fighting against Shang.

* * *

_Ever since that face to face incident, Shang had been meaner to her than ever. He even told her to pack up and go home. She had finally proven herself to him by doing what no other soldier had done so far: reach the arrow, and even then it only brought a small smile to his face. Yet, when the other soldiers did something probably half as impressive as her, he gave them a big grin and a pat on the back. Nothing for her. _

_This time, however, she would show him. Shang stood on the opposing side of the field, with his arms crossed and ready to battle her. Mulan bit her lip and tried to keep from shaking of nervousness. _

Mulan suddenly fell to the ground. She put her head in her hands, as everything around her was spinning. Mulan was quickly growing pale and could barely stand up.

_Mulan followed Shang to the palace, "Shang! They're in the city!" she exclaimed._

"_You don't belong here Mulan! Go home!" he angrily replied._

"_How could this man I thought I knew turn to be unjust?" she thought. _

Mulan groaned as she tried to stand up again. Her head was dizzy and she could not think properly.

"_So cruel?" she thought as she remembered the way he treated her, as she watched Shang and the rest of her comrades walk away without her and take her honor of saving China. "You tried to hide your lies, disguise yourself through living in denial," she grimaced as Shang met up with the Emperor. As Shan Yu came into view, the crowd gasped in horror. But Mulan would not give up. She walked closer and closer to them and swore, "But in the end you'll see, you won't stop me."_

Mulan shook off herself and stood up once again. She steadied herself on the ground and threw all her anger into each punch and kick. "You won't stop me," she scowled.

She angrily punched into the wind, "I am a fighter," she yelled at no one.

"_I'm a fighter," she told herself as she readied to face Shang. He walked over and she walked over, meeting half way. The look in his eyes was fierce enough to burn through her skin, but Mulan was determined to win. She gulped as Shang got into a fighting stance, but soon followed._

Mulan swerved to her left to dodge the imagined punch and threw more punches, "I ain't gonna stop," she said breathlessly.

_Shang continued to throw punches at her, and she retaliated with some punches of her own, thus leaving her open and causing some of her own downfall. A bit hurt by the punches, she dodged him for a while. _

"_Face me like a man Ping!" Shang challenged her. "Stop running around me! Just give up now!"_

_Mulan growled and contorted her face into one of the fiercest war faces and yelled, "I ain't gonna stop!" as she charged at him._

"_There is no turning back," Shang warned her with a smirk._

"_I've had enough!" Mulan retorted. She flipped over to him, causing the other men to watch in awe at the battle unfolding in front of them._

"_Cause you make me that much stronger," she said as they finally met each other eye to eye, and moved in closer to each other._

_Shang moved in to punch and finish her off, but Mulan put her arms up, blocking the punch. Mulan then went in for a punch, but Shang blocked her again. "Makes me work a little bit harder," she said with a smirk._

"_C'mon," Shang said tauntingly, "I'm open for a punch."_

_Mulan backed off and gestured for him to come to her, "Makes me that much wiser," she continued. "Thanks for making me a fighter." _

_Shang laughed, "You're not a fighter yet Ping."_

"_Makes me learn a little bit faster, made my skin a little bit thicker," she continued._

_She then moved closer to him, and Shang did too. He came in for a stronger and more powerful punch, but Mulan instead ducked and dodged it, "Makes me that much wiser," she said and then punched him in the stomach and led him open for a kick to the face, causing Shang to fall back. _

_Mulan did an army cry, happy that she just beat her Captain, and yelled at Shang before she left, "So thanks for making me a fighter!"_

* * *

Mulan continued to practice through the whole day, not even stopping for lunch. Towards sunset, which could not be seen due to the approaching storm clouds, Shang came riding home and spotted Mulan practicing in the wheat fields. He smiled and remembered that day that he came to propose to her. Shang then rode into the field, while droplets of rain started to fall, heavier by the moment.

"So how was your day today?" Shang asked as he approached her.

Mulan smirked, "It was pretty interesting. And I have to ask, did you always like the view of my foot?"

Shang looked at her oddly, "No, why?"

Mulan laughed, "Because for some reason, my foot always found your face when we fought."

Shang snarled, and smirked so he wouldn't retaliate. "Wow," Shang said, "You really are remembering quickly. I thought you would forget…"

"Ah no," Mulan said with a smirk, "I remember. I think I will always remember things like this."

"Lucky me," Shang muttered. "You always did remind me and never let me forget." They both laughed. Shang then looked up to the sky as the rain poured harder and harder on them. "I think we should go inside," he yelled at Mulan as the rain downpour got louder.

"Why?" Mulan asked stubbornly, "I like the rain."

"You'll get sick and then I won't be able to help you remember tomorrow," he argued.

"Have a little fun General," she teased. "I'll go inside once you catch me. You never were able to catch up with me anyway."

Shang opened his mouth in awe and then started to chase after her through the field. There were a couple of times he did catch up with her, but of course she outran him. Finally he grabbed her dress and put her in his arms, but of course Mulan squirmed out and it was another wild goose chase. But Shang would not give up that easily. He then tackled her underneath the cherry blossom tree and carried her inside with her kicking and laughing the whole way through.

Mulan and Shang finally entered the house, drenching wet from the rain and causing an angry Fa Li to throw towels at them. As Mulan and Shang stood there drying themselves, Mulan found the urge to punch Shang right in the gut.

Shang, having the air knocked right out of him, yelled, "What was that for?" as he continuously coughed trying to breathe again.

Mulan smiled, "That's thanks for making me a fighter."

For a moment, Shang stared at her in awe, but he then remembered his training days with her and her stubborn attitude, and smiled.

**

* * *

**

Author's Note:

Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I've been busy. You know, I just want to say, I hate that I have so many hits/views but no reviews! Oh well. I'll get what I get.

Thank you LeilaWong for reviewing!


	5. Somebody Like You

Chapter 5: Somebody Like You (by Keith Urban)

Shang sat in his bed reading over the scrolls the Emperor gave him of information of the Mongols, looked over his maps, and read Sun Tzu's _Art of War_. But straight ahead of him lay Mulan in her bedroom, still fast asleep. He smirked a bit as he remembered how she would wake up late every day, and he would punish her by making her run. Though that was probably why she became his best soldier. Shang wished he could just sit there and watch her as she slept, like how he used to do when they were married, but if she woke up and saw him watching her, that would be awkward and frightening for the both of them. So Shang admired her from afar.

Suddenly, he saw Mulan stretch her arms up and sit up in bed. He then turned to his left to lean against the wall, but also to have a view of her from the corner of his eye, without looking like he was watching her. Shang then hunched over his scrolls to make it seem like he was reading.

Mulan sighed as she sat up in bed. It was early again and she was awake. She paused and looked around her as her eyes got used to the light. Her eyes moved until they caught sight of Shang, who was hunched over some papers and as Mulan guessed, hard at work even in the morning. Mulan smirked a bit, knowing even Shang couldn't stay away from his work. But she couldn't help but admire his muscles and how they were tense from the stress he was going through, but also from working out so much. She smiled as she stared at him dreamily.

Shang, thinking it was long enough to be waiting for Mulan, noticed Mulan looking at him in the corner of his eye. He then turned and saw her staring at him in a way he had seen several times before. Shang couldn't help but smile back and stare at her.

Mulan, who was too busy staring at his body, then slowly moved her gaze to his face. She couldn't help but admire his smile and the way his teeth shined. She sighed, "_That smile,_" she thought, "_His face is so well sculpted, and his eyes…_" Mulan froze. Shang was staring right at her. "What are you doing?" she asked him nervously.

Shang laughed, "I could ask you the same thing. Good morning by the way. 'Why thank you for asking Shang! How was your night?' Well it was great. I had an amazing dream and I slept well. Thank you for asking," he said, imitating a fake conversation.

Mulan rolled her eyes, "Why were you staring at me?"

"I saw you looking at me so I returned the stare," Shang said with laughter in his voice. He got up from his bed and walked over to hers.

Mulan scowled, "You could have told me I was staring to save me from embarrassment."

"Now where would the fun be in that?" Shang asked with a smile.

Mulan couldn't help but smile back, "I'll get you back someday," she swore.

Shang wanted to respond, _I'm afraid you already have,_ but instead replied, "Oh, we'll see." He held out his hand to help her get up off the bed, "C'mon, it's time for breakfast."

Mulan smirked and then lay back down in bed. She sighed as she pulled the covers over her.

Shang laughed and tore away her blanket, "You know that's not going to stop me from going to eat breakfast."

Mulan shrugged, "That's fine. Good luck getting me to go with you anywhere else though."

Shang smirked and lifted Mulan up from the bed, with her kicking and squirming. But Shang knew she wasn't really trying, because she would have easily gone past his embrace.

"Sometimes I forget how strong you are," she said, finally calming down and lying in his arms.

Shang chuckled, "And sometimes I forget just how well I trained you."

Mulan smiled and then thanked Shang as he placed her down at her spot by the table. Mulan's mother and father eyed her curiously wondering exactly why their daughter couldn't walk. Fa Zhou looked to his wife, who shrugged. Shang, who completely missed this look, sat across from Mulan and smiled at her. Mulan, who also missed her mother and father's quick glance, couldn't help but smile back at Shang.

"Mulan," her father asked warily, interrupting their stare, "Are you okay?"

Mulan smiled, "Yes, father I am fine. Why do you ask?"

"Why did Shang have to carry you to the table?" her mother asked.

"Oh Mulan wouldn't get out of bed to eat breakfast," Shang started and smiled even more than he was before.

"So Shang picked me up and brought me here," she laughed and smiled at Shang, who returned the look.

Granny Fa, who had just entered in from gardening outside, smirked when she heard the story and looked at the two lovebirds, who wouldn't stop laughing and smiling at each other. She walked over to the table, still smirking at what was going on, but singing softly, "_L is for the way you look at me. O is for the only one I see…_" She was singing so quietly that Shang swore he was the only one who could hear her. Plus no one else seemed to be startled by what she was singing and obviously meant, but him.

"So what are you two doing today?" Fa Zhou asked Shang.

Mulan looked to Shang, who looked back at her and smiled. "I think we'll take a nice ride on my horse," he answered Fa Zhou.

"And Khan?" Mulan asked.

Shang shook his head, "Nope. You won't need him today."

"Why?" Mulan asked incredulously.

Shang smiled.

"And where are we going?" Mulan asked.

"You'll see," Shang replied with a grin.

* * *

"Can you please tell me where we're going or at least take this blindfold away from my eyes?" Mulan asked, while laughing. She moved her hands to her eyes.

"No," Shang said and moved her hands back to the reins of his horse. He then put his hands gently around her waist. "That's the whole point! I want to surprise you and see if you remember this place."

"You can't have a blind person leading your horse," Mulan retorted, "I mean what will people think when they see us?"

Shang laughed, "Since when have you cared about what people think of you?"

Mulan grinned.

_There's a new wind blowing like I've never known. _

She immediately charged up Shang's horse. Shang, who was not tightly holding onto Mulan, fell off the horse and watched as Mulan blindly rode on his horse.

"Shang!" she screamed. "I can't see! I can't take off my blindfold without letting go of the reins!"

He immediately ran as fast as he could to catch up with Mulan and his horse.

_I'm breathing deeper than I've ever done._

Shang then placed his hands on his horse and jumped back on and grabbed a hold of the reins. He then pulled the reins back to bring his horse to a halt. Shang's horse skidded to a stop, swerving into the trees where Mulan and Shang fell onto the ground. Shang fell first and Mulan landed into his arms. When he got up, he looked at Mulan, who was just laying there.

"Mulan, are you okay?" he asked worriedly. When she didn't respond, he immediately prompted her up and took off her blindfold. With her eyes closed, Shang immediately started to wake her up, hoping she didn't get anymore head trauma. "Mulan, please wake up! Please!"

Suddenly, Shang felt a blow to his stomach. Mulan punched him hard in the gut. "Gotcha!" she screamed and laughed at Shang.

_And it sure feels good to finally feel the way I do._

"Don't ever scare me like that!" Shang yelled at her. "I already came close to you getting a head injury!"

Mulan smiled and tried her hardest not to laugh, causing Shang to laugh also. She then hugged him tightly and put the blindfold back on her eyes. Mulan then attempted to walk over to the horse and got on. When she finally did, she looked to what she thought was where Shang was standing and watching and said, "Well are we going or not General?"

_I want to love somebody, love somebody like you._

Shang smiled and followed after her. He got on his horse and tightly wrapped his arms around her waist.

Mulan smiled a bit and said, "You don't have to hold on that tight. I'm not going anywhere Shang."

Shang bit his lip from snapping, "_I hope not_," but instead replied, "I am not falling again. And besides, if you feel uncomfortable, I'll move my hands to the reins instead. I'll have to anyway, when we turn left or right."

Mulan blushed and answered, "You don't have to do that. You can keep them right where they are…" she faltered, but Shang heard every word.

He smiled and whispered in her ear, "Then let's try this one more time."

Mulan gritted down on her teeth and kicked Shang's horse, giving him a charge. The two sped through her home gates and into the town. As soon as they left the village, Shang gently kicked his horse to get him to ride even faster. Mulan squealed with excitement, while yelling, "This is exhilarating! I can't see a thing but I'm going faster than I've ever gone!"

_I want to feel the sunshine, shining down on me and you._

Then the bright sun came from behind the trees and shone down on them. With the wind in Mulan's hair and the sun shining above, she couldn't help but laugh as she rode. And as the journey progressed, Shang leaned a bit more forward and slowly slid his arms around her. Mulan smiled and thought, "_When you put your arms around me, you let me know there's nothing in this world I can't do._"

"Shang," Mulan said, interrupting his thoughts, "where exactly are we going? I think you're falling asleep on me and I don't want to be riding into nothing."

Shang laughed, "Trust me; I'm not falling asleep on you. I don't think I could sleep knowing a blind person is inevitably leading to my death."

"Hey," Mulan argued, "If I can trust you enough to do this, I think you should give me a bit of trust."

"Oh believe me," Shang said sarcastically, "I trust you alright. It's just not the same, because you don't even trust yourself right now. And are you admitting you finally trust me now?"

Mulan smirked, "It depends on where you take me."

Shang sighed, "Could you be any more impatient?"

"Hey, you're the one who has known me for a while. You should know," Mulan jokingly argued.

_Sometimes it's hard for me to understand, but you're teaching me to be a better man. _

Shang smirked and as they rode, thought about the time before he met Mulan. It seemed he would be running in circles going nowhere fast. Shang knew he made several mistakes in the past that hurt both him and Mulan, but he still wasn't sure if he could ever forgive himself for that, or if Mulan would even forgive him either. But Shang promised that he wouldn't make that mistake the second time around. He would be a better man. He would be a better General. He would be a better person in general, but more importantly, he would be a better husband.

_I don't want to take this life for granted like I used to. _

"What are you thinking about Shang?" Mulan asked. "It seems that you haven't been quiet until now."

Shang laughed, "Are you saying I talk too much?"

Mulan smiled, "No, I'm just saying, you aren't talking to me much."

"Well what would you like to talk about?" Shang asked.

Mulan shrugged, "Anything. Tell me whatever you feel like. It seems all I've done is talk about my feelings and I feel rude because I never ask you. I want to get to know you better Shang."

"Go ahead then," Shang said with a smile, "Ask away. But if you ask a question, then I think it's only fair that I ask a question as well."

"Fair enough," Mulan replied. "I'll ask first though. Why did you decide to become Captain and then General? I mean did you think you were ready?"

"See, I didn't decide any of that at all," Shang said with a sigh. "My father sort of pushed me to becoming Captain. He promoted me himself, though I think it was due to his pride."

"Surely you were qualified enough," Mulan argued.

"Yeah.,'Number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques, an impressive military lineage, I believe Li Shang is ready,'" Shang scoffed at his father's words, "What did he know?"

"Shang, you certainly trained me well. I mean, we did what the other veteran soldiers failed to do," Mulan answered him.

Shang reined in his horse, bringing him to a complete stop.

"Your father knew what he was doing. He trusted you," Mulan finished. She grabbed his hand and intertwined it with hers. "Just as I trust you now."

Shang smiled, "Well good, because we're here now." Mulan immediately brought her hands to her eyes, starting to take off the blindfold, but Shang stopped her. "But you're not taking off that blindfold yet." He jumped off the horse and started helping Mulan jump off, but instead she fell and landed on Shang's back. He smiled and thought, "_When you put your arms around me, well baby, there's nothing in this world I can't do._"

"Now I'm getting another ride? On your back like a piggy back ride?" Mulan asked with a laugh.

Shang sighed and set her on the ground. "Okay, I think we'll just walk around. Take off your blindfold and look around."

Mulan immediately threw away her blindfold and looked in awe at the area around her. "It's…it's beautiful. Why is this place so familiar?" she asked.

Shang smiled, "You tell me. Tell me if you remember what happened here."

Mulan looked around at the butterflies and magnolia trees fluttering in the breeze and then at the shade underneath the trees and the lake…

"_I want to take you somewhere that is one of my favorite places in the world. Well other than under my cherry blossom tree in the garden," Mulan said, smiling with one hand on the reins and the other in Shang's hand. Shang had his other hand around her waist._

"_Does that require blindfolding me and leading me somewhere I don't know?" Shang asked with laughter in his voice._

"_You should trust me by now!" Mulan laughed. "I mean you already know that I am a girl and there is no reason for you not to trust me."_

_Shang chuckled, "It's not you that I don't trust. It's just that, I can't see a thing!"_

"_Calm down Captain. Sometimes you need to learn to just trust your instincts and listen to the world around you," Mulan laughed. She then brought Khan to a stop._

"_Are we here now?" Shang asked, trying to remove his blindfold._

"_No cheating," Mulan told him. She jumped off the horse. "I need you to get down. I mean, how else are we going to explore this place?"_

"_I can't see," Shang retorted._

"_Just slide down!" Mulan answered him, "Stop being such a coward."_

_At that moment, Shang jumped down from Khan and tackled Mulan. They both laughed as they lay on the ground. Mulan then threw away his blindfold to look him in the eyes. Shang then stroked her hair as he bore right into her eyes as well. "What do you think of the sight in front of you?" Mulan asked with a smile._

"_I think it's beautiful," Shang replied._

"_Not me," Mulan giggled, "The area around us."_

_Shang sighed and stood up. He stretched out a hand to help Mulan up as well. He looked around the area and then back at her and smiled. "I think you have the ability to make anything around you look just beautiful." He then took her into his arms and hugged her tightly._

"We've been here before," Mulan told him.

Shang smiled, "Yes we have."

"Except last time, I took you here, you were the one being blindfolded," Mulan continued.

"Well actually, we came here was about 2 weeks ago. And that scene that you remember, it happened about five years ago, right after the war had ended," Shang corrected her.

"Five years ago?" Mulan asked incredulously, "I've known you for five years and I don't remember anything about you?"

Shang pouted and looked away.

"I'm sorry," Mulan said softly to him, "I know that may have hurt you."

She put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, but Shang moved away from her. "_It hurt me more than you even know. I was your husband, your Captain, your General, the man who saved you from death and saved you from a horrible marriage. How could you forget me?_" He grimaced as he thought to himself, "_But I haven't been the best husband, or the man most deserving of you._" Shang sighed and turned to face Mulan, who was a bit shocked and hurt by in his sudden distantness. "It wasn't your fault," he told her with a smile, half lying to himself, "And there was nothing you or I could do about it. It's all in the past. We can't turn it back no matter how hard we try."

Mulan bit on her lip and nodded. "I just wish I remembered how I got into this mess."

Shang fake smiled and walked with her around the area. "_I don't,_" he thought bitterly. It was his fault she lost her memory anyway.

Mulan reached for his hand, much to Shang's shock, and smiled. "Look," she told him, "whatever it is that's bothering you, don't worry about it. We came here to have fun right? And have a good day."

Shang smiled and squeezed her hand as they walked.

* * *

"So," Mulan said as they sat on the grass, "Is this your favorite place as well?"

Shang chuckled, "After you showed it to me, it became one of my favorite places. Sometimes I come here to just sit in peace and think…about several things."

Mulan nodded understandingly, "I do that too underneath my cherry blossom tree, well as when I was a child."

"Even though your favorite flower is the magnolia?" Shang asked.

"Yeah, well I don't have a magnolia tree in my backyard," Mulan said with a bit of shock in her voice, "How did you know that it was my favorite?"

Shang smirked, "I've known you for five years, but I'm still learning a little more about you each day."

"See, you have the unfair advantage. I don't remember much about you," Mulan retorted.

"Sometimes, it's a bit better that way. Besides," Shang said with a sigh, "I'm not as interesting as you. And I haven't exactly been the best person lately."

"Ooh, our 'by the book', traditionalist General has been a bad boy," Mulan teased. "That just made you so much more interesting to me. How have you been a naughty person?"

"That sounds a bit seductive," Shang teased.

Mulan laughed, "I wasn't trying to sound like that!"

Shang laughed, "I swear, if I knew you were a girl at camp…" He paused and Mulan blushed a bright red. Shang paused and admired the way the blush angled her face. "I don't know what I would have done," Shang finished softly.

Mulan then looked at him and asked, "Was this your wife's favorite place?"

Shang immediately looked to the ground and played with the grass below him, "I…I honestly never knew, as sad as that is. Whenever she was angry with me, whenever she was sad, I always found her underneath our magnolia tree, or she would come back to me, like as if she was my bound slave. I never treated her like that, or wanted her to act that way. If anything, I know she wanted to leave me at times, but because she loved me unconditionally, she stayed. It was sad to see her that way, but what could I do about it? If anything, it should have motivated me to stop being such an ass of a husband, but what did I do? Nothing. What's worse is that I didn't even realize how much I hurt her until after she had gone."

"I'm sorry Shang," Mulan said to him.

"Can…" Shang choked on his tears, "Can we just talk about something else please?" He quickly said.

"Yeah," Mulan replied as gently as possible, knowing fully well how hurt he was. "I…I'm sorry Shang. I don't know exactly how to make someone feel better after hearing that."

Shang chuckled, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, you can ask me anything," Mulan replied.

"Have you ever thought about marrying?" Shang asked.

Mulan laughed, "Well I don't really have a choice in the matter, do I?"

"Yes, you do," Shang replied, "I mean you remember right? You had so many suitors…"

"Yeah, I know there were suitors Shang," Mulan interrupted him. "I know there were plenty of suitors after the war for some reason, but I didn't choose any of them. They weren't right for me. I couldn't see myself married to these men. I always knew there was someone else for me. So when the right person comes along and I know it, it'll be up to them. But if that doesn't work out, I guess I'll have to go with my other option of meeting the Matchmaker."

"I highly doubt you'll go see that dragon lady again," Shang chuckled. "Or at least, she won't let you see her."

"How did you know about that?" Mulan asked, horrified once again.

Shang threw her a look, as if saying, _you should know I know._

Mulan sighed, "I think it's my turn to ask questions. You know me too well."

Shang smirked, "Ask away."

"Have you ever thought about getting remarried?" Mulan asked. "I mean after your loss?"

Shang nodded. "Yes, I have." _And I will do whatever it takes to get you back,_ he thought.

* * *

"I had a really fun time today Shang," Mulan said as she lay on the grass looking at the stars. "I really miss just laying out and looking up at the stars. I don't remember doing this since I left for the army. I would just lie in my garden and think about my life ahead of me. Now, I don't even have to worry about that. I can just relax and enjoy the moment."

"Why do you say that?" Shang asked.

"Well if there's anything I learned about myself while being in the army, is that I don't have to change myself to please anyone else. But more importantly, I saw that life can change for you in a blink of an eye. It's best to enjoy it while you can," Mulan confessed to him.

Shang laughed, "Well if there's anything I learned from you, is that most of the time following the rules doesn't work out."

Mulan laughed, "My mother would kill you for saying that."

"My mom would do the same to me too," he confessed and then laughed.

Mulan sighed happily and then asked, "By the way, don't you think it's a bit too late for us to be out still?"

"Where's your sense of fun?" Shang asked lightly. "Five years ago, the Mulan I knew would have never asked that."

"But I'm sure the Shang five years ago would have asked that," Mulan teased.

"Yeah well," Shang laughed, "You've changed me." He then reached out for her hand, and Mulan turned to look at him in the eyes. "But for the better."

* * *

"Shang!" Fa Li yelled in shock when she finally saw the two standing in the front door. "Where have you two been?"

Shang quietly gestured for her to be silent as he carried the tired and sleeping Mulan into the house.

"How was your date?" Fa Li teased.

Shang smirked, "It wasn't a date, but I did get to hold her hand _twice._"

Fa Li laughed, "I'm proud of you Shang. I always loved the way you courted her when you two first met. It was honestly the cutest and most romantic thing I had ever seen. Besides, I saw the way you were holding her when you were on your horse." Shang smiled and his face reddened.

"Well Fa Li, I have to put your daughter in bed, and then we can talk if you want," Shang told her.

"No, I'll let you go to sleep as well. You two have had a long day and you can tell me about it in the morning." Fa Li gave Shang a pat on the back and walked to her bedroom.

Shang smiled and blew out the candle in the kitchen. He brought Mulan to her bedroom and gently placed her on her bed. Shang then tucked her in underneath the covers. He smiled as he watched her sleep and then walked over to his bedroom.

As soon as he left, Mulan sat up in bed and watched as Shang changed out of his clothes and then tucked himself in bed. She smiled and looked at her hand and then slid back into bed. As they both lay in silence, looking up at the ceiling and thinking about earlier that day, they smiled and whispered to no one in particular, "_I want to love someone, someone like you_."

* * *

**Author's Note: **I usually don't put country music, since people don't really like country music (Taylor Swift is not country. I know what country is, and she is Pop/Country). But anyways, I had to put this song because 1) they were going to go out riding in the country on horses. That's pretty much what country music is based upon...or at least the style. 2) The lyrics fit and if you play it along with story, it's kinda cute. :)

And thank you to all my reviewers (canadarulz, rider10, star, filmstudent, Leila Wong, CluelessAngel), it really does suck to have a ton of readers but no input. I mean at least with my evil english teacher I get some input, but nothing for a story I spend all of my freetime writing about? Btw, I think I might continue writing. I just couldn't bear not writing. It's too much fun for me :)


	6. I Think I'm Falling For You

Chapter 6 - "Falling For You" (by Colbie Caillat)

"Hey Mulan!" Shang yells as he runs into her room. "I know it's early and I know you're tired but I need to know now, what day is it today?"

Mulan looked at him oddly, "You're bothering me this early just so you could find out what today is?"

"First of all," Shang argued, "It's not that early. You've woken up earlier than this during your days at camp. The only reason why you're sleeping later and later is because I'm allowing you to. I've been cutting you some slack these past couple of days."

Mulan smirked, "Maybe you've been slacking too Shang. And the only reason why I sleep so much is because I wake up earlier every day and I do so much during the day that it drains me. Plus we come home late almost every day and I go to sleep as soon as I get home just so I can have enough energy to spend time with you the next day. So I'm sleeping so that way I don't sleep during the day."

"Well I'll give you a break this time," Shang answered her.

"Oh is that so?" Mulan asked.

"Yes, just as soon as you tell me what today is! Is it the middle of this month? What did our moon look like last night?" Shang asked her.

"You should know! We were out pretty late last night!" Mulan answered him.

Shang chuckled, "Yeah well, I didn't do much looking at the moon. I was kind of preoccupied."

Mulan blushed and looked down, "It is the end of the month. Our moon was full last night."

Shang beamed, "Good! Okay, you can sleep now," he said as he ran out from her room.

"Aren't you going to tell me how much longer I have until you wake me up?" Mulan yelled at him, since he was far away.

"No!" Shang yelled back from the kitchen.

"Why not?" Mulan asked.

"Since when have you complained about sleeping?" Shang asked her. "Just go to sleep. I'll wake you up later."

Mulan shrugged and went back to bed, but it was hard for her to go back to sleep.

* * *

"Mulan wake up," Shang whispered to her as he gently shook her. "Get up. You've been sleeping for a while now. It's time for you to get up."

Mulan immediately stretched up and sat up in bed. She looked at her surroundings and looked at Shang in awe. "I've been sleeping this whole day?"

Shang laughed and nodded.

"Shang, it's night time! I missed breakfast and lunch, and by the looks of the dark night, I probably missed dinner." Mulan immediately jumped out of bed. "Why didn't you wake me up earlier? I have chores to do, and I have to clean and I…"

Shang smiled and walked over to her to calm her down. "Calm down. I did your chores with the help of your little dog. I made sure you got enough sleep because we're going to be up most of the night tonight. You didn't sleep through dinner because sunset just ended a few minutes ago. Besides, we could always get dinner at the place we're going."

Mulan froze dead in her tracks and turned around to ask Shang, "Where are we going?"

Shang laughed, "Have I ever told you where we were going? You know it's always a surprise, that is, unless you have a clue or remember."

Mulan pouted, "Can I have a clue? You can't use my memory like that. Of course I don't remember."

Shang smiled, "Well I'll give you a clue then. This always happens at the end of this month, or in other words, today. You use to take me to it every year. In a way I'm glad you lost your memory at this time because this was my favorite time of the year."

* * *

"Okay," Mulan said as they walked along the path leading out of the village. "Let me get this straight here. You let me sleep the whole day today just so you could take me somewhere tonight?"

Shang sighed. "You know, why do you always have to be so negative? Every single place I've taken you ended up being somewhere memorable and fun for you, so I think you need to lighten up a bit. Plus, like I've said several times before, you need to trust me."

Mulan sighed, "Yeah. Yeah. I do trust you; trust you with my life in fact. But seriously, if you know me so well, you should know by now that I am a very impatient woman."

Shang laughed, "I know, but I don't mind it." He smiled at her, "There are many other things about you that overshadow that part of you."

Mulan smiled, "Since when have you been so optimistic?"

"I know right? I'm rarely this optimistic," Shang answered her. "But I can honestly say, you brought that change to me."

Mulan smiled and looked at Shang, but once she heard the music, she couldn't keep her eyes off of the sight in front of her. Mulan opened her mouth in awe. The paper lanterns fluttered in the breeze, which added a nice contrast to the clear starry night and gave a perfect view of the moon, which was what the festival was for.

_I don't know, but I think I may be falling for you, dropping so quickly._

Mulan smiled as she remembered this festival, but couldn't contain the feeling inside her that meant she and Shang spent each year here. She smiled at Shang, who smiled back. It was clear: she was falling for him faster than she ever remembered. "You…I…we go here each year?" Mulan asked in awe.

Shang smiled, "Of course. Just think of it as like our second date."

"Second date?" Mulan asked curiously. "What was the first?"

Shang chuckled. "Saving China," he replied naturally.

_Maybe I should, keep this to myself. Wait until I know you better._

Mulan laughed and hugged him. "So I take it you know the places to go?"

Shang smirked, "Naturally."

"Well then," Mulan said as she walked further into the festival, "What do you normally get here?"

Shang smiled, "Well of course, I get moon cakes. I mean this is a festival for the moon goddess. But if you're talking about an actual meal, I usually get jiaozi and rice."

"That's what I get!" Mulan smiled.

Shang laughed, "I know. I always stole some from you."

Mulan playfully hit him in the shoulder and Shang jokingly winced as if it actually hurt him. However, what they failed to notice was the man of the celebration walking towards them. "Excuse me," he said interrupting the two. Mulan looked at him a bit angrily, due to the fact that he rudely interrupted them. He was a chubby man in well dressed attire. "I'm sorry to interrupt this festival's five year champions, but I'm so glad you two showed up to this festival once again! It always is a joy to see you two here and I'm sure the couples around here would love to win but we all still enjoy seeing you two being much in lov-"

"Well we appreciate it sir," Shang interrupted him with a smile.

Mulan looked at Shang a bit oddly, but then replied to the man, "Of course. It always is an honor to win each and every year."

The man nodded and welcomed them into the festival.

Shang crossed his arms and looked curiously at Mulan. "You remember what we win each year?"

Mulan laughed, "No! I just lied to him to not embarrass myself and to not make known to everyone that I lost my memory."

Shang sighed happily. So he and Mulan were thinking almost the same thing. He smiled at her, "Well I guess you'll have to see when we compete. I sure hope we win this year." Shang then reached for her hand and led her around the festival.

_I am trying not to tell you, but I want to, I'm scared of what you'll say._

Mulan smiled. Shang took her hand and held it. But it wasn't just a hand hold, they actually intertwined fingers. It seemed each day was getting harder and harder for Mulan to keep her feelings within herself. She just wanted to tell him that she loved him, but of course she didn't ever want to feel the feeling of rejection. Yet each day, she swore she thought it was clear to him and the feelings she thought he was reciprocating. But she didn't want to be disappointed, not like last time…

_So I'm hiding what I'm feeling, but I'm tired of holding this inside my head._

"And I guess you're not going to tell me what we compete in? Am I right?" Mulan asked.

Shang smiled and led her to the food booths, "Of course. Now let's get you some food."

"You mean get you some food?" Mulan joked.

Shang laughed and ordered food for the both of them at one of the many booths. The man selling and cooking smiled at the both of them and greeted them cheerfully. He asked Shang if he thought they were going to win again this year, despite the fact that the man and his wife had been practicing all year. Mulan then watched as Shang smiled and modestly told the man that it was "_anyone's game and open to anyone_" and that there was a time for anything, including him and "_Mulan losing this year_". Shang then thanked the man for the food and walked with Mulan to the table. He smiled as he noticed just how much happier Mulan seemed to be. "You seem a lot happier," Shang told her.

Mulan beamed, "I have a lot more to be happier about."

"Is that so?" Shang asked as he ate some food. "Would you like to tell me what you are happier about?"

Mulan smiled and pointed to her full mouth. Shang looked at her disappointedly, but Mulan just shrugged. It wasn't that she wasn't ready; it's just that she was too scared to tell him how she truly felt. How ironic that a woman who could spend moments looking Shan Yu eye to eye and any Hun soldier and fearlessly tell them just how much she hated them, even if she was being tortured to death, yet she couldn't tell a man who had been her friend for so many years, someone she could trust, and someone who she loved with all her heart, how she really felt.

After about an hour, Mulan pushed back on her dish and sighed. "I'm full," she said.

Shang laughed, "You ate half of your dumplings, which is your favorite food might I add. You usually finish it."

Mulan smirked, "No, you usually finish it. If I do recall, you did steal from me, making it seem like I finished my meal."

Shang opened his mouth to object, but then smiled. "Yeah I guess. But I always ate more than half. You ate more than half. Is your appetite changing?"

"Are you saying I'm getting fat?" Mulan asked him.

"No," Shang quickly answered her, "It's just that your mother wanted me to ask you if you were okay. She noticed you are eating more than usual and Mulan I caught you throwing up yesterday morning. Are you okay? Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Did you tell my mom about it?"

"Well no," Shang answered her, "But I may have to if you don't tell me what's going on."

Mulan paused for a moment. Even she didn't know what was wrong with her. She had guessed it was repercussions from the head trauma, but this had been going for several weeks now and she wasn't sure what was wrong. There were times when the vomiting stopped, but then it continued. Even her period wasn't normal. She was bleeding more than usual and then sometimes it would stop. If there was anyone she wanted to ask, it was her mother, but she decided to wait it out a few more days. It was funny, Shang was asking her what she was feeling, yet it was the wrong emotion he was concerned with. "I'm fine Shang. Really," she assured him.

_I've been spending all my time, just thinking about you._

Shang sighed and then smiled at this beautiful, strong woman, who unknowingly to her was his wife, sitting across from him. Mulan forcefully put a dumpling in his mouth, as if she knew that he wanted it. Shang smirked as it reminded him of the times as a married couple when Mulan would lovingly, and not forcefully, put food in his mouth. It seems that was all Shang was thinking about, her and him, their days as a married couple, and more importantly, just Mulan herself. He smiled as he watched as she laughed with the people that passed by them and greeted them. Shang had this light feeling within him that he hadn't remembered feeling in a long time.

_I don't know what to do. I think I'm falling for you._

He was brought back to reality in just one hand movement, when Mulan waved her hand in front of his face. Shang's face reddened as he realized what he was doing, but Mulan smiled and held his hand over the table. Shang watched as she smiled at him, and felt as his heart raced faster and louder.

She was just absolutely beautiful, Shang thought. _The way her hair flows with the wind, the way her moon drifts across her face, the way the lights illumine around her, the way her eyes sparkle, the way she laughs, the way her blush angles her face, and the way I love her and the way she loves me back make me realize…_Shang paused in deep thought, "I'm in love with you," he said.

Mulan opened her eyes wide and looked at Shang in awe, "What did you say?" she asked him. Though she could barely hear him above the music, there was one thing Mulan could read, and that was lips.

_I've been waiting all my life and now I found you. I don't know what to do. _

Shang froze for a moment, realizing what he said. It was a bit funny, a few years ago, he would have never been afraid to do something like this in front of anyone, and now he was hiding how he felt once again. It seemed that Mulan had freed him to say whatever he wanted to. And now, now that he had finally gotten to where he wanted to be, now that he was falling for her, and now, of all times, he didn't know what to do. How ironic, a General, who cannot even come up with his own plans. "_Mulan always came up with the plans anyway,_" he thought bitterly.

Shang stood up. He couldn't lie to her, but he couldn't embarrass himself, due to his pride. Mulan's eyes were still on him as she waited for him to answer her. So Shang changed the subject. "The night is young," he told her. "Do you really want to just spend it here looking at each other and sitting around? We have the whole night ahead of us!"

Mulan smiled, "Well what would you like to do?"

Shang shrugged, "Well, maybe a walk around the festival? Play some games?"

The man from the game booth shouted at the two of them, "Hey you two! Are you finally going to beat Shang at this strength test Mulan?"

Shang chuckled and looked at Mulan, knowing that she never resisted a challenge.

Mulan shook her head and smiled, "Shang is a General. I'm just his soldier. Maybe I won't beat him at this because he trains every day. Besides, when it comes to archery, I can sure beat him there. And if after five years, maybe he deserves to win at something."

The man and Shang both laughed. Shang then thanked the man and continued to walk further with Mulan that is until the music got louder. Mulan's eyes opened wide in delight and she pointed at the dancing in the center, as a child does with their parents.

"Look there's dancing!" Mulan said happily. "Let's dance!"

Shang sighed, "You know I'm not very good at dancing. I'm not so sure…"

Mulan laughed, "Oh c'mon! What's a little fun going to hurt you? Is the man who fearlessly defeated the Huns afraid of dancing with a girl?"

Shang smirked, "Fine. You asked for it."

_I think I'm falling for you._

Mulan laughed and ran towards the center of the dance area. "C'mon!" Mulan yelled at him and gestured for Shang to follow.

Shang smiled at her and followed her lead.

_As I'm standing here, and you hold my hand… _

Mulan and Shang stood about an arm's length from each other. Mulan smiled at him and Shang laughed. "Are you sure you want to dance with me? I might step on your toes, I might hurt you, I might mess up the dance for you! I mean how much fun will that be for you? I know you love to dance…"

"Shang," Mulan stopped him. "Don't worry about. I'll teach you. We'll both have fun dancing. You can't be that bad. You are after all a General, and they have some good footwork, especially after training."

Shang laughed.

"Aren't you going to invite me to dance?" Mulan asked with laughter in her voice.

Shang smirked and bowed with one hand behind his back and the other extended to Mulan. Mulan smiled, never seeing this sort of gesture before. She then moved in her flowy dress and grabbed the excess part of her dress with one hand and extended her leg in a partial bow, and then reached for Shang's hand. Shang laughed as he looked at her gesture.

Mulan indicated toward the space between them, and said, "We can't dance this far apart Shang."

_Pull me towards you. _

Shang laughed and pulled Mulan in closer towards him. She placed her free hand on his shoulder, while Shang snaked his arm around her waist. As they did this, their eyes followed their movement until their eyes met. For that perpetual moment, that fleeting moment, it seemed everything else disappeared. Shang could no longer hear the music, and Mulan no longer saw anyone around her. It was just as if no one else was there. It was just the two of them, dancing in the house with their own music playing in the background…

"_Do you remember our first dance?" Mulan asked Shang as she entered the room and sat on the couch. _

_Shang, who was sitting across from her and working, immediately looked up from his work and smiled at her. "At that one festival? And our many dances at the festival?"_

_Mulan laughed and nodded her head. _

_Shang immediately got up and walked over to her. He held out his hand to her and led her over to an empty part of the room. "Why don't you remind me?" he whispered and then drew her in close to slowly dance with her around the room…_

Mulan was soon brought back to reality. She then looked down and away from Shang's gaze. Shang gloomily sighed.

_And we start to dance. All around us, I see nobody…It's just you and me._

He then let her go as she twirled. Mulan smiled and decided to dance further into the crowd. She smirked as she danced farther away from him, as if teasing him to follow her. Shang, seeing this as a tease, immediately followed after her, not caring of who got in the way. Mulan twirled into the arms of guys with no partners, but then as quickly as she danced with them, she moved away.

Mulan, who was having too much fun, took one last large twirl and ended up in the arms of her first partner: Shang. She laughed as she finally landed in his arms. They then happily waltzed around the dance floor. "See, you are a good partner! Look at how well you are twirling me around. And you also managed to gain me back."

Shang laughed, "That's because you made me chase you."

"Yeah, but you were chasing me gracefully. I saw your feet," Mulan laughed at Shang's embarrassment. "You have some wonderful footwork for a man who can't dance."

"Yeah, well I'm sure you are teaching me well," Shang told her as they continued to dance.

Mulan laughed and put her arms around his neck, as he twirled her around in the air.

_I am trying not to tell you, but I want to, I'm scared of what you'll say._

He sighed as he fought the urge to kiss her. Shang had been fighting that urge since he came back home to help her. And with his mind and mouth as loose cannons, it was almost impossible to keep whatever he felt inside him. He had come so close to telling her that he loved her, and she responded with surprise. Not a look of love, not a look of concern, but then again, no looks of disgust or repulsion.

So what kept him hiding it inside? What kept him from just telling her how he felt and getting over it? Fear. Fear. Fear. The same problem that he always had. But it wasn't fear of rejection, it wasn't fear of anything else, it was the fear that she would say no and go on without him, and fear that he would have to go on without her for the rest of his life, simply because she didn't love him and because Shang always wanted her to be happy no matter what.

_So I'm hiding, what I'm feeling, but I'm tired of holding this inside my head._

So until he was certain, until he was sure, he would keep his feelings inside. He wouldn't tell her how he felt. He wouldn't kiss her. He would hold her hand, he would court her, but he wouldn't dare let her know how much he loves her, not until he was sure that she did as well. But after several months of helping her, Shang was getting tired of holding it inside his head and he wasn't sure how long he could hold it inside.

_I've been spending all my time, just thinking about you._

As they danced in silence, Mulan couldn't help but think of Shang. Even though the music was playing, even though couples were talking to their partners as they danced around, it seemed the silence between Mulan and Shang was just enough. They didn't need words, they didn't need laughter, and they didn't even need the music to fill the buffer between them. The silence was enough comfort. The silence was enough for words, enough to say everything. And as the two danced in silence, Mulan couldn't help but think about Shang.

It seemed she had been doing that a lot lately. But it wasn't that she didn't want to think of him, it was hard not to. There was something about Shang that she had never seen before in anyone else. Sure he was certainly a pretty boy, as she remembered Yao and Mushu calling him, but there was more to him that most people didn't see, which unqualified him as a pretty boy. After all, pretty boys have all looks and nothing within them. It seemed that most of the guys with good looks knew they had good looks so they did whatever they wanted with whatever women they wanted, because women were naturally attracted to them. But Mulan looked past that, she always did. And it seemed, Shang always met her expectations. Now her expectations weren't too high, but they asked of more than what the average woman, who asked that her husband was able to provide for her financially. What Mulan wanted as a person she could love and a person who would love her back, but more importantly, a person who could provide for her emotionally.

_I don't know what to do. I think I'm falling for you. I've been waiting all my life and now I found you. I don't know what to do. I think I'm falling for you._

Shang was handsome, brave, wise, and a good warrior, but underneath that was a loving, caring, and above all, selfless person willing to do anything to help her. It was no wonder she fell for him again and again. But she didn't know what to do. Would tell him how she felt and run the risk of being rejected again and having her heart broken once again? But this time she could prevent it, unlike last time where she fell hard. But Shang was different from the other men, and was probably the reason why she couldn't stop thinking about Shang, and the reason why if she found out that Shang didn't love her, it would break her heart into a million unfixable pieces.

It seemed she had been waiting all her life for a man like Shang, or actually seven years for someone like him. And now that she had him, now that he was dancing her with, what would she do? Would she risk the chance of losing love by never saying a word? Or risk the chance of never being loved at all by making her heart hard to protect herself? Either way her heart would be broken. And she would be without Shang.

_Oh I just can't take it._

Finally the man of the festival announced the moon reaching its peak. With that, the music slowed down, but Mulan kept dancing quickly to avoid the slow dance. Shang laughed as he watched Mulan moving to her own beat. He then grabbed her hands, much to her surprise.

"Mulan," he said with a chuckle and calmed her down. "You can't always dance to your own beat. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow, and to go with the wind. Now what do you say to a slow dance?" He let go of her hands and did the same bow with his hand extended forward.

Mulan smiled and took his hand nervously.

_My heart is racing._

Her heart raced as Shang brought her in closer to him. As his arms gently slipped around her waist, she placed her arms around his neck, bringing their faces closer together. For a while no one said anything to the other and avoided the other's glance for reasons clear: they were falling for each other.

Mulan swore that as she danced with Shang, her heart was beating louder than the music. It was almost impossible to hear the music or what anyone else was saying, but Mulan seemed to ignore the only but most important message she could hear: the message from her heart.

Shang could hear and feel his heartbeat rising in his chest and he wondered if Mulan could feel it. He hadn't remembered being this nervous since…since forever. He had let Mulan slip away from him last time, and allowed himself to fall out of love with her. As they danced together under the moonlight, Shang swore a silent vow to never let that happen again, no matter what. But all he had to do was let her know how he felt, because he was certain now, she felt the same.

_Emotions keep spinning out._

"Mulan," Shang whispered. "Are you having a good time?"

Mulan smiled and nodded. "I'm having a great time. This actually might be one of my favorite days with you, aside from yesterday maybe when you fell into the mud."

Shang laughed, "Hey! I was trying to save your dress."

Mulan rolled her eyes, "Oh yeah I'm sure. You were 'trying to save my dress.' And I'm sure you aren't clumsy as well."

"No," Shang retorted, "That would be you."

They both laughed reminiscing on her training days until an uncontrollable awkward silence came upon them. Though Shang looked down and away from her, Mulan realized that it was her turn to have the courage to say something. It was time to say something.

"Shang," Mulan said finally, breaking the silence. "How do _you_ know that you're in love?"

"How do _I_ know?" Shang asked, and Mulan nodded. He smiled and then chuckled softly, as if it was a subject he felt nervous about. "You…you, you feel this certain emotion come over you, like a sea. It overwhelms you to where you can't stop feeling about the other person you're in love with. You can't speak, you can't sleep, you can't eat, you can't think without that person and especially when that person is around you. It's not lust, and you don't just fall for them with one look. I don't believe in that whole 'love at first sight' idea those storytellers always talk about in the stories you ladies love listening to. I think of love as a child. It grows between two people when they first meet. It can only be between the two people. Without the father, or the mother, the child won't survive. It needs two parents, two people. Sometimes love sours, or grows sick and it needs the tender loving care of both the parents in order to fix it up again. I mean I'm not one to judge about love being at first sight. But I've never felt it. I honestly believe love always starts as a friendship. Love starts as something small and it grows to be the one thing that makes us go head over heels. Love is an emotion, not a fleeting feeling. Love is a friendship grown into something more."

"Then would you say," Mulan said nervously with a gulp, "that, that is what happened to us?"

Shang's eyes widened, knowing what she was trying to say. Then without a doubt, or stagger, without even thinking, he replied with confidence, "Yes. I believe that."

Mulan blushed and tried to hide her growing smile, but then replied, "For how long have you know that?" she asked.

"For five years," Shang answered her gently. "Since the moment you saved my life in the palace. But what's worse is that I didn't realize it until I yelled my heart out at Chi Fu, and more importantly, I didn't know it until I found myself alone and losing you once again as you went back home."

"And what would you do to feel that feeling once again?" Mulan asked.

"I followed you home and swore that I would do anything to be with you, and feel the same emotion that I felt the first time I fell in love with you," Shang told her.

The music slowed to a stop, unbeknownst to the couple, but Mulan still had one more question. "Why? Is it because…"

Shang smiled, knowing exactly what she was about to ask and then replied, "It's because I love you." He then leaned in to kiss her.

The man of the celebration immediately came in between the couple, interrupting their kiss, before it could even begin. "Congratulations!" he told the slightly happy, but annoyed couple. "I don't know what it is, but you two seem to have such magic on the floor when you two are together! The judges unanimously voted you two as the champion once again! They especially liked the chase you two had at the beginning. It's funny, most people think they need to hype up and do extra dances during the slow dance, but it's a good slow simple dance, like the one you two had that we look for. The look in both of your eyes says everything and represents the story and the love the moon goddess felt." He then gave Shang the trophy and pulled him into the center of the crowd, without Mulan. The man then raised his and Shang's hand.

Mulan smirked as Shang looked uneasily at her with all the fame he was getting. But he got her back by leaving the man's side to go and grab Mulan and make her stand with him.

_I've been spending all my time, just thinking about you. I don't know what to do. I think I'm falling for you._

As they stood there together, Mulan couldn't keep her mind off of Shang, and Shang couldn't keep his eyes off of Mulan. But more importantly, they couldn't stop thinking about the kiss they would have had and what would they do to bring that moment back.

_I've been waiting all my life and now I found you. I don't know what to do. _

The rest of the night was spent underneath a tree near the dancing area, where Shang and Mulan spent the rest of the evening, or actually early morning watching other couples dance. They leaned against the tree with Mulan's head leaning on Shang's shoulder and the two of them sitting hand in hand. No matter what the two silently thought about to try and get that moment before they kissed to come back, never seemed to work, but without a doubt they wanted it to happen again.

"Do you ever get scared Mulan?" Shang finally asked.

"Scared of what?" she asked, slowly feeling tired after a long evening.

"I don't know, anything," Shang answered her.

Mulan yawned, "Of course I do. You know that. I mean I was scared of that burning village, and that event to somehow happen in my village." She yawned again. "I know you get scared. Everyone gets scared of something."

Shang nodded understandingly. But there was something else bothering him, something he wanted to ask her. "Do you ever feel like your life is going to pass you by so quickly, that when you finally realize it, it's too late to turn back? I mean, I'm already getting older and I don't have kids, I don't…"

Mulan yawned, "Shang," she said, interrupting him. "Look. You can't make life happen for you. You just have to do what you told me, and just 'go with the flow'. Someday, maybe someday, all your dreams will come true because of the hard work you're doing today. You can't make something happen; you have to go and do it, or just wait patiently for it to happen." She yawned, "One day you'll have kids. But," Mulan yawned again. "My mother told me that you don't want to wait too long, but you don't want to rush into having kids. You can't always be looking back Shang," Mulan yawned and softly said, "You have to jump forward. Mistakes will always be in the past. At least you weren't always lonely …"

Shang sighed, "It's not just that. I have China's safety to worry about, my future, my future children's future and you. Everything hangs in the balance. I can't let everyone that I love die, especially you." He looked down to see if she would respond, but Mulan was already asleep. Shang sighed, he knew that now would be the best time to let go his feelings without feeling afraid of ruining his plan. "I love you Mulan," he whispered. "And I would do anything to protect you, no matter what. I haven't always been the best husband, yet you stood by me anyway. You forgave me at times when I shouldn't have been forgiven. You loved me at times when I didn't deserve it. I have and always will, love you."

"I love you Shang," Mulan replied.

Shang immediately looked down at her, but realized she was talking in her sleep. He smiled as he realized that she dreamt about him.

_I think I'm falling for you._

Shang then picked up Mulan and started to walk home with her in his arms, just as he did several years ago, on their way home from Qui Gong.

* * *

"_I love you Mulan and I would do anything to protect you, no matter what. I haven't always been the best husband, yet you stood by me anyway. You forgave me at times when I shouldn't have been forgiven. You loved me at times when I didn't deserve it. I have and always will, love you." Shang confessed to her._

_Mulan ran up to hug him, "I love you too. And I'm sorry for everything, I want things to go back to normal, I don't want this to just be another dream…"_

And with that, Mulan woke up from her dream. The darkness flooded Mulan's eyes, but the light from the moon illuminated the face of the man whose arms she was in.

_I can't stop thinking about it_

She sighed as she remembered dancing around with Shang and how they almost kissed, and almost went back into her dream-like state. As they walked, Shang found himself thinking about that same moment as well.

He paused for a moment outside the front door, but then decided to walk to the back near the stables. Shang opened the stable doors and was greeted by Mulan and his horse. He then found a comfortable corner with bales of hay.

_I want you all around me_

"So we're just going to sleep out here?" Mulan asked Shang with a yawn as Shang gently placed her on the ground.

Shang nodded sleepily and got the cape from his bag and put it over Mulan like a blanket. He then walked over a little farther and slept against the corner. Mulan, who was still a bit awake, noticed Shang squirming around in the hay and walked over to him. Shang immediately opened his eyes as he felt Mulan putting the blanket over him. Shang smiled as she then gently rested her head on his shoulder and got closer to him. Mulan then sighed happily as Shang put his arms around her. _  
_

_And now I just can't hide it_

But before Shang could fall asleep, he intertwined his hand with Mulan's, causing her to look up at him. Then without thinking, Shang leaned in to kiss her gently on the mouth. He then pulled away, and looked at Mulan, who was still there in the kiss with her eyes closed and mouth open.

When her eyes opened, she smiled and smoothed the side of Shang's face, playing with his hair. Her massages were soothing him to sleep, but Mulan wouldn't let him fall asleep just yet. She then closed her eyes and leaned in to return his kiss, causing Shang to wake up once again. Shang then drew her in closer to him.

As the two parted from the kiss, Mulan laid her head on Shang's chest and his arms surrounded her tighter as if he never wanted to let her go. His warmth and arms were comforting to her just as Mulan brought comfort to Shang as well. It was clear where their emotions lay. And they lay in silence, not saying a word to each other because they knew exactly what the other wanted to say:_  
_

_I'm falling for you_

**

* * *

**

Author's Note:

Well this chapter certainlly took me the longest, and I was honestly torn between two songs. I'm glad I chose this song though, because its light and shows just how cute falling in love can be. Plus I absolutely love Colbie Caillat.

Special thanks to **Canadarulz, Sunlight Girl, and Bao Li Na (Bao Li Na, Check your message box, I sent you a message, replying to your review/message. But I also like Country music as well. If you knew where I was from, you would know that all kinds of music are appreciated, including country, classical, and jazz, which most people don't like.)**, I always appreciate reviews telling me what I need to work on and what you liked about the story!

I hope all my readers (who should review, because I know you're reading it...) enjoy this chapter! Stay tuned for the next one :)


	7. Isn't It Obvious?

Chapter 7 - Obvious (by Christina Aguilera)

_"Then would you say," Mulan said nervously with a gulp, "that, that is what happened to us?"_

_Shang's eyes widened, knowing what she was trying to say. Then without a doubt, or stagger, without even thinking, he replied with confidence, "Yes. I believe that."_

_Mulan blushed and tried to hide her growing smile, but then replied, "For how long have you know that?" she asked._

_"For five years," Shang answered her gently. "Since the moment you saved my life in the palace. But what's worse is that I didn't realize it until I yelled my heart out at Chi Fu, and more importantly, I didn't know it until I found myself alone and losing you once again as you went back home."_

_"And what would you do to feel that feeling once again?" Mulan asked._

_"I followed you home and swore that I would do anything to be with you, and feel the same emotion that I felt the first time I fell in love with you," Shang told her._

_The music slowed to a stop, unbeknownst to the couple, but Mulan still had one more question. "Why? Is it because…"_

_Shang smiled, knowing exactly what she was about to ask and then replied, "It's because I love you." He then leaned in to kiss her._

Shang sighed happily as he lay in bed. He couldn't sleep and he had spent the whole night and every moment of every day thinking about it and dreaming about it. It had been a week and he still couldn't stop thinking about it, stop wondering about it, or stop wanting it. And the best part was, she kissed him back. She didn't pull back, she showed that she loved him too, by kissing him back. It was everything Shang had been waiting for in the past two months and it was all he wanted and more. Sure he wanted Mulan to remember that he was her husband, but why? Why? What were his reasons? Sure he wanted to make love to her as any guy wanted, but that wasn't what he really desired. He could live without that part. All he really wanted to do was kiss her and be able to hug her, but more importantly, be able to be the husband he hadn't proven to be. Because he realized, as long as he had her in his life, and she loved him unconditionally, then honestly, it wouldn't really matter if he could touch her or not.

* * *

Mulan smiled as she did her chores early in the morning. Her mother and father watched with a peculiar eye as their daughter sung and danced while sweeping around. Granny Fa quietly whispered to the two that it was because she was in love. Yet it was early for Mulan to be up. Way too early, but even Shang wasn't awake yet. But then again, it was a bit late for Shang to be sleeping this late, which Granny Fa once again argued as him being in love as well. And Mulan was doing her chores without complaint. The girl was definitely in love.

As Mulan swept she couldn't help but think of the festival.

It was a week after it had happened and Mulan couldn't stop thinking about it. But the worst part was just how awkward it was between them right now. Both were waiting just to see what the other person would do, both were waiting to see how the other was reacting, both were waiting for the right moment. It was hard, and Mulan and Shang did not want it to be this way, but they couldn't help it. As a rule, it honestly always is a bit awkward the first week, and they both remembered that when Shang was courting Mulan the first time around. It was funny though, because neither Shang nor Mulan saw a lot of each other during that first week. After Shang had followed her home, he didn't return until a week after. It was probably better that way, because the couple then realized just how much they missed each other's company. But it seemed both of them forgot what happened in the past whenever they were around each other. It was as if Shang wanted to make a new start, and Mulan just wanted to stop living in the past, and get to know the Shang today, because he certainly had changed.

The worst part of this awkwardness was that Mulan and Shang were actually living together. They saw each other every day and had to be with each other every day to either work on chores or to remember a certain memory. Of course things weren't that awkward, considering they were friends before they fell in love, but of course, love works in mysterious ways.

As Shang silently entered the kitchen, he watched as Mulan danced around with her broom, singing, "_Dāng tā dài wǒ zài huái li, Tā dī shēng duì wǒ lái shuō, Wǒ kàn dào shēnghuó zhōng de fěnhóng sè._" He smiled to himself as he saw that she was thinking about the night of the festival just as much as he was.

"Good morning Shang," Fa Li said to him, interrupting both Mulan and his reverie.

They both then turned to look at each other and made eye contact. But that's where it ended, and they both then made their way to the breakfast table and found themselves sitting face to face once again.

As they all sat and ate in an awkward silence, Shang decided to break the silence by thanking Fa Li for the wonderful breakfast, to which she corrected him by saying Mulan made it. This however didn't surprise Shang at all, considering it was his favorite dish and because he knew Mulan was a great cook.

Shang watched as Mulan looked down and smiled modestly, thanking Shang for his complements. It was then that he looked at her, and really looked at her. Even though Mulan was obviously 5 years older than when he remembered falling for her, she was a different woman. As he helped her remember old memories, it was as if she became that same innocent girl he knew, with a free heart and a tendency to love everyone. But after he married her, he saw a more mature, a calmer, and a grown woman: one he could admire for all time, the woman he knew would make a wonderful mother, and the one he knew was the woman he married, grew to love, and always loved him in return.

He sighed as he contemplated on their past marriage life. Mulan was always there for him, always loving him when he didn't deserve it, and yet, why? Shang always wondered why she stayed. It certainly wasn't because she was weak or because she had no other place to go. Mulan stayed because she loved him, and now he knew it was his turn to return the feeling.

_Can you hear it in my voice? _

While Shang was talking, Mulan was staring at him the whole time and admiring the way he looked, the way he talked so eloquently, and just almost everything about him.

"So what do you think Mulan?" her mother finally asked.

"I'm sorry, what?" Mulan asked, with a sudden change in pitch and speed in her voice. Immediately she turned her glance from Shang to her mother. She suddenly felt the weight of Shang's eyes on hers, looking at her oh so curiously. From the corner of her eye, she saw Shang smirk a little.

"I was asking about what dress you should wear to the Imperial dinner tomorrow evening," her mother told her impatiently. "I was talking to Shang about it and he told me that you should wear your finest dress of course in respect for the Emperor. I agreed and wondered what you had to wear and if you had anything of the sort."

_Was it something I let slip?_

"I-uh, a dress?" Mulan stuttered. This was not going well for her. "Well who's my date to this dinner?" As soon as those words left her mouth, she regretted because then she knew the answer and the embarrassment and awkward situation that would follow.

"Well I'm sorry I haven't asked you earlier Mulan," Shang said, standing up from his place. He walked over to her and smiled and extended his hand, "but would you be so kind as to escort me?"

Mulan blushed and looked down. "I would be honored General Li. What time will you pick me up?" she asked jokingly.

_Does the whole world know?_

"You'd think that after spending the night in a barn cuddling that you would know exactly who your date is," Granny Fa muttered. To which she got one glare, and a couple of nervous laughs.

Mulan blushed and wondered just how much teasing she would get from her parents and grandmother about this event. It wasn't that she was embarrassed about it, it wasn't that she didn't want it to be spread around because no one else would ever know, and it wasn't that she didn't care about it. Mulan always thought about it, but it made the hole deeper and deeper for Mulan and Shang.

"I can ask Lin to go dress shopping with me," Mulan told her mother.

"That's a great idea," her mother said.

Shang looked from her mother to Mulan, then to her father, wondering what he was going to do while Mulan was gone. Mulan ignored this little glance and immediately thanked her mother and ran out the door for Lin, knowing she had much to talk about._  
_

* * *

"Lin!" Mulan yelled and ran up to her best friend as soon as she saw her. They hugged as if they hadn't seen each other in years.

"Well, well," Lin said with a smirk, "What brings you to me today? Is lover boy in town as well?"

Mulan blushed, "Yes he is. How'd you know?"

"_Isn't it obvious?_" Lin asked.

Mulan looked down, "No, it's not obvious."

Lin laughed and looked at her best friend. Mulan looked up to look at her friend in the eye and smiled. "Mulan, Shang has been in love with you since the moment he met you. I could see it in his eyes and your eyes when you told me about him. Your eyes sparkled." Mulan smiled.

"Besides," Lin smirked, "When in the world are you going to finally settle the deal?"

"Settle the deal?" Mulan asked.

Lin laughed, "You know? Settle down with pretty boy?"

"It's up to him, not me." Mulan told her.

Lin laughed, "There are several ways of getting a man alone. You just have to initiate it."

Mulan looked at her friend in awe. "Are you saying you want me to get pregnant?"

Lin laughed, "Well that is the next step isn't it? I mean it's been how many years?" _  
_

"Five?" Mulan asked warily and laughed.

Lin laughed and crossed her arms, "Exactly."

Mulan rolled her eyes, "Look I came here to ask for your advice on getting a dress. Not get 'the talk' from you."

Lin's eyes sparkled. "Dress shopping?" she grabbed Mulan's hand and laughed. "Well then what in the world are we doing still standing here? Let's go!" She then pulled her around the town.

* * *

"What's wrong Shang?" Fa Zhou asked as he sipped his cup of tea. He looked curiously at the young man wondering what could be troubling him other than Mulan.

Shang sighed, "Your daughter."

Fa Zhou smiled understandingly.

"But mostly her friend Lin," he confessed. "I _know_ Lin is going to blab somehow that Mulan is my wife. And I don't think Mulan is ready to take that news just yet."

Granny Fa laughed. "I don't think that's necessarily true. I mean just a week ago I caught you two snuggling in the barn. You sure she's not in love with you Shang? I'm pretty sure she is. She might even already know."

Shang laughed, "Yes, I think I'm pretty sure she loves me now." He chuckled, "She kissed me that night after I confessed that I loved her." Fa Li smiled. "It's just…" Shang sighed. "This whole first week business, it's making things awkward between Mulan and me. I haven't talked to her since that kiss and I can guarantee you she's wondering why. I just can't talk to her. I wouldn't know what to say. I…"

"Shang," Fa Zhou interrupted him. "Do you love Mulan?"

"Of course," Shang immediately responded. "I…I mean yes sir."

"Does Mulan love you?" he continued.

"Well…I…I certainly hope so, I mean she kissed me and…"

"Son," Fa Zhou sighed. "Just answer me yes or no."

"Yes," Shang told him, without a single trace of doubt on his face. "She does love me."

"You seem pretty sure there," Fa Zhou said, "Are you sure?" Shang's face turned into one of horror. Fa Zhou laughed. "Then I don't understand what is keeping you from telling her how you feel and bringing it back to the days when you two were married," Fa Zhou smiled.

Shang chuckled. "A lot more than you can imagine," he confessed. "I think I'm falling more and more in love with your daughter, probably more than ever before. I've seen things that I loved about her that I've forgotten over the years. And…I think Mulan is hiding a secret from us."

Fa Li and Fa Zhou shared a worried glance. "Well," Fa Zhou sighed, "That complicates things. What is she hiding?"

* * *

"Okay," Lin said with a smile. She looked at Mulan head to toe. "I think you're ready to try on these dresses.

"Lin!" a muffle came from Mulan, who was buried under the pile of dresses Lin picked for her. "I can't even see the changing room." She sighed and dropped the dresses on the floor, much to the shock of Lin and the store keeper. "I can't try on all these dresses."

"Why not?" Lin and the store keeper asked.

"Look! You've taken every single dress in the store," she gestured towards the empty store. "I'm just going to pick a select few to try on and then we'll go from there." Mulan started sorting through the dresses and threw the rejects at Lin, who threw them to the store keeper.

Mulan looked at a red dress and threw it at Lin.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Lin laughed. "What are you doing? I don't think you should be just throwing this away."

Mulan laughed, "Why? This dress is too…"

"Too what?" Lin asked in exasperation. "Too beautiful? Too silky? Too perfect? What in the world is wrong with it?"

Mulan made a face as she held in front of her. "It'll make me stand out."

"So?" Lin yelled. "What's wrong with that? These men! They…they make us sit demurely, they make us be such docile lambs, they treat us like slaves, they make us act like a doll, and…and…and you have a chance to rebel against that! The one thing you could do is make a scene by being the most beautiful woman at the dinner and you want to turn that down because 'it'll make you stand out' too much? So now of all times you choose to be untraditional?"

The other women in the store nodded as if they agreed with Lin.

"Being with that handsome and strongly minded traditional General has probably changed her and calmed her down a bit," one of the girls yelled in the back. Lin laughed and nodded in agreement.

"Look I was in the army, I was all about fitting in, trust me. Besides, standing out because of a dress is not my thing. That was all you." Mulan laughed. "But this is why you were my best friend when I was little. You're just like me, except you sneakily rebel against the man in these little inconspicuous ways."

Lin smiled, "Yes and you were always the one doing it, while I was all talk. It was your instinct to jump in head first while I looked back and analyzed it for a while."

Mulan hugged her best friend. "I'll try on the red dress just for you." She then slipped into a changing room in the back.

She walked until she reached a small room with one little window. One woman in the back told her it was the changing room and Mulan thanked her. As soon as she got into the room, Mulan sighed and looked at herself in the mirror. She could honestly agree that she was a lot prettier and a lot rosier because…"you're in love," her mother would say. Mulan shook her head at that as if she was arguing with her mom and deny it, but she couldn't deny it at all. She was in love with Shang. Mulan smiled at her reflection and as she turned to the side just ever so slightly her eyes widened in awe at what she saw. She immediately slipped off her dress to look more at the horror unfolding in front of her. Mulan approached the mirror to see if it was true. She couldn't breathe. She stood in horror looking at what reflected back to her. A million questions spun through her head but one of them was, "_What will Shang say?_" Mulan couldn't breathe. She touched her stomach and tried to suck in, as if it would have helped, but it didn't.

"Mulan!" Lin yelled from outside the room. She immediately barged in and Mulan threw her dress to her stomach to cover it. "What are you doing?" she asked with a sigh. "Admiring your reflection my friend? Yes, yes you're beautiful; as I'm sure Shang and I have told you a million times before."

Mulan smirked.

"Well," Lin sighed and tore the dress from Mulan's hands. She looked at Mulan and her eyes widened.

"I can explain!" Mulan immediately yelled. "_No you can't…_" she told herself.

Lin squealed and hugged her best friend. "Why didn't you tell me?" She laughed, while Mulan smiled uneasily. "I knew you would settle down with him one day! It took you long enough! I mean seriously? Five years? Did you two just want that much alone time before you had kids?" Lin laughed, "Oh who am I kidding? I'm so happy for you! What are you going to name her? Or him? Or…"

"Lin!" Mulan clasped a hand over her friend's mouth. "You cannot tell anyone. And I mean it! No one can know! No one! Promise me this, as my best friend."

Lin smiled and held up one hand, "I promise." She giggled. "Does Shang know? Of course he does!" She giggled again.

Mulan threw her a look. "_You'd be surprised,_" she thought.

Lin smiled and quickly put the dress on her friend and looked happily at her. She sighed dreamily, "You look amazing. And it doesn't even show that you're pregnant!"

Mulan sighed, "I'm not pregnant. I've just been gaining weight lately."

Lin rolled her eyes, "Ahuh. Yeah, sure. China's high prized heroine is fat? I don't think so."

"Look," Mulan told her, "I haven't been exercising lately and…"

"Mulan," Lin interrupted her. "There's no use hiding it. You've been trying to gain weight since forever. After people told you that you were too skinny to bear sons or any children, you gulfed down as much food as you could. I'm your best friend, don't lie to me."

And for the first time, Mulan looked away from her best friend and wondered exactly who she could trust.

* * *

"We're home!" Lin yelled from the front door as she entered in with Mulan.

Fa Li greeted them both at the door and hugged them both. "How was it? Did you find a dress?"

"It was great," Mulan told her mother. She looked around the house constantly. It was getting late and the Imperial dinner was coming up in just a few hours. "Where's Shang?" she asked her mother.

"Oh," she smiled and led them to the kitchen. "He had to leave early. Something about meeting up with some friends beforehand…"

"So he couldn't wait for me?" Mulan asked angrily and crossed her arms. "_Typical,_" she muttered.

Lin looked at her sympathetically and shrugged. "Try on your dress so we can see it!"

Mulan fake smiled and walked to her room with her dress.

With the room silent, Fa Li decided to initiate the conversation. "So Lin, have you gone to the Matchmaker yet?"

Lin laughed, "No, after what happened to Mulan I'm a bit wary about it. But at least I know what to expect now. I'll be going a few weeks from now."

Fa Li smiled, "You'll do fine! I know you will."

Lin sighed, "Yeah, well at least Mulan had some backup. Even though she failed she had millions of suitors at her front door after the war, and she was able to meet her future husband in the Army."

Fa Li's eyes widened realizing what Shang was talking about. "Lin, that's what we need to talk about. I have something to tell you about Mulan. She recently lost…"

"What do you think?" Mulan asked as she walked into the kitchen, interrupting her mother.

Both of the women smiled and the sight in front of them. Suddenly in the front of the house, the sounds of whining horses could be heard by all. Mulan looked curiously at the front door.

Fa Li laughed, "Oh you didn't seriously think Shang would just leave you like that, did you?"

* * *

Yao laughed at Ling's pathetic joke. Chien-Po and Shang looked at each other and sighed. Shang was quickly regretting his decision to meet up with Mulan here at the dinner, but he had to let his friends know before they blabbed to Mulan everything that he wanted to keep a secret for now.

"So let me get this straight," Ling said while trying to hold in his laughter, "Mulan lost her memory and you don't want to remind her that you're her husband? Can I slap you?"

Shang growled, "Keep it down! I don't want the whole world to know! I've tried changing the subject each time someone brings it up, but honestly I'm tired of trying to hide it."

"Yeah well," Yao chuckled, "She's going to find out sooner or later, and probably not from her memories either. Someone is going to tell her when you're not around and Mulan is going to freak out."

"Oh trust me," Shang sighed, "That is the least of my problems now. I think Mulan is pregnant."

All three of the men cheered and congratulated their General, a little louder than he had wanted. Shang laughed and his face reddened.

"It's about time," Ling said. "I mean it's been what, five years? You wanted alone time with Mulan?"

Shang laughed, "I guess you could say that. We wanted to wait a little. Plus, you don't get alone time when you have kids."

Suddenly all three of the men tilted their heads sideways and stared in awe at something behind Shang. Their mouths were all agape and their eyes widened. Then all around him, other men did the same thing and some men facing the other way turned around to look at what was behind them. Shang wondered what in the world these men were looking at and as soon as he turned around, he knew exactly what they were looking at: Mulan. Shang smiled as he watched his beautiful wife in a red dress descend from the stairs.

"What are you doing just sitting here?" Ling sneered. "Go get her!"

"Oh right," Shang nodded and ran to go get her. He tripped over several things on the way to get her because he couldn't keep his eyes off of her, and Mulan couldn't take her eyes off of him as well.

Mulan smiled when she finally met up with Shang, "Aren't you such a graceful person? Looks like you need some women's training. You practically tripped on your whole way over to me."

Shang chuckled, "I think my reasons for tripping are justified." Mulan blushed. Shang stared at her admiringly when she blushed and smiled as she did so, which eventually threw him completely off. He then ran around his mind looking for words to say. Shang knew what he wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come out right. "You look…You…uh…"

Mulan looked at him peculiarly. She smirked knowing exactly what he was trying to say, and it reminded her of the time at the palace before she left for home. Mulan then kissed him on the cheek and linked arms with Shang and led him to their table. "Thank you Shang and you look quite sharp as well."

Shang sighed. "_I'm the one who's in control,_" Shang thought. "_Now I'm acting like a fool_."

Mulan smiled at Shang as they reached the dinner table and he pulled her chair for her. Mulan smiled at her old comrades who greeted her happily as she sat down with them. She then greeted them back and politely asked how they were doing and where their wives were. Mulan then zoned out as Shang sat next to her.

"Mulan?" Yao quickly beckoned her. "Are you even listening?"

Mulan's face reddened, "I…I'm sorry. I was just thinking."

"About pretty boy" Ling teased. "You were always distracted by Shang at camp, and before Shang even started courting you and after."

Shang turned his head and looked at her with a smirk.

Mulan blushed and looked away from Shang. The three men laughed as Mulan blushed. "_Do my feelings show? Is my face aglow?_" she wondered as she looked down. Lin was right, it was obvious. It was completely obvious that she was in love with Shang, but Mulan wondered, "_Isn't it obvious that I don't know what I'm doing anymore?_" She sighed and smiled shyly back at Shang. Shang laughed as Mulan smiled and shrugged. Mulan couldn't help but laugh back and admire him. "_I'm feeling like a little girl caught up in emotions,_" she thought as she looked at him adoringly. "_I'm out of control. Isn't it obvious?_"

Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po, who were watching this scene unfold, smiled and said between the three, that it was just like the old days. As Shang sat next to Mulan he couldn't help but feel nervous. Shang sighed and thought to himself, "You've been with this girl for 5 years now, and yet you still get nervous around her." Shang muttered the words of his grandfather, "_That's love._"

"What did you say Shang?" Mulan asked, turning from her conversation with Chien-Po.

"Oh…I…uh…nothing. I didn't say anything," Shang told her.

Mulan nodded and looked at him like he was crazy, which Shang admitted quietly that he was.

"Psst," Ling smiled and gestured for Shang to hold her hand.

Shang shook his head. "_Do you see my hands? They tremble._" He then showed Ling his hands. "I'm nervous around her."

"Shang," Mulan said to him, startling him.

Shang immediately looked up at her, and then back down.

Mulan looked at him peculiarly and then sighed.

Shang bit his lip, "_Wonder why I can't look you in the eyes?_" he thought gloomily, "I'm in love with you."

"Well anyways, while you're…" she waited for him to look her in the eyes. "Forget it. I'm going to go get some fresh air. I'll be back."

Shang watched as Mulan left him. She looked back for a moment to see if he would follow her, but when their eyes met, he immediately looked away and found himself looking at three disappointed men. "What?" he asked them.

"Shang," Ling said with his arms crossed. "Really?"

Shang groaned. "Look okay," he confessed. "I _don't know how long I can keep this inside. _I'm in love with her. And it's been a week since I've kissed her and told her I love her, and I'm finding myself in the same position I was 5 years ago: nervous to death."

"We know," Chien-Po told him._  
_

Shang plopped his head on the table, "_Is that obvious that I don't know what I'm doing anymore?_ Whenever I'm around her…I…_I'm feeling like a little boy caught up in emotions. I'm out of control_. I can't think when I'm around her. Even though I've known her for years and I know she's in love with me, I just…I'm lost. I feel like I'm going to mess up around her."

"_Isn't it obvious?_" Ling muttered. "Look just be yourself. That's who she loves. And go after her! Don't just sit here and talk with us."

"And what do I do as I'm standing there alone with her up on the balcony? What do I say?" Shang asked knowing fully well of the awkward situation that would come.

Yao sighed and rolled his eyes, "You've been married to her for 5 years, you should know what to do. Plus, you did court her. You have had to have awkward situations."

"And if you don't know what to do, just kiss her," Ling laughed. "So go pretty boy! I don't know what you're doing still sitting here with us. Go find her."

Shang smiled and ran to go find Mulan.

* * *

_Suddenly these emotions are in control of my heart._

Mulan stood there admiring the view on the balcony, which overlooked the palace gardens and the mountains and plains of China. As a door shut, she immediately turned around to find herself looking at Shang. Shang sighed and smiled when she turned to look at him. Mulan couldn't help but smile back when she saw him.

"I was coming back," Mulan said with a grin.

Shang chuckled and looked down. He kicked around with his foot, "I know," he said softly. "But I needed some fresh air as well." Shang then looked up to look her in the eyes.

Mulan smiled and gestured for him to stand next to her, "Go ahead and join me then." Mulan sighed as Shang stood next to her leaned over balcony. "I can't help but feel like I've been here before with you," she confessed.

"We have," Shang nodded. "A couple of times I might add, and we did the exact same thing, leaning over this balcony and looking outward at the scenery in front of us, talking, and then…yeah. Something always led us to meeting out here whether it was because were fighting and needed privacy or because we were tired of those three." They both laughed. "But," Shang sighed, "that was a long time ago, and those were different times." He muttered.

"Why?" Mulan burst out. "Why does it have to be different? Why can't we go back to that? What is making it so hard to do so?" _  
_

_Can you see it in my eyes?_

They both turned to look each other in the eyes. Mulan looked him in the eyes, but after a brief moment she couldn't, and looked away. She cursed silently at her weakness and looked down.

Shang sighed and answered her, "I…I don't know."

"I'm sorry," Mulan whispered. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I know you're trying."

Shang scoffed, "Well apparently I'm trying not hard enough if the girl I love doesn't even want to look me in the eyes or tell me what's bothering her."

Mulan immediately turned to look him in the eyes, shocked at his statement.

_Every glance, every smile must give me away_

Shang laughed, "Oh now you decide to listen to me. I kind of expected you to not look me in the eyes when I said that."

Mulan blushed and laughed. "Well what can I say? I'm not exactly the most ordinary girl you know. You can't really expect what I'm going to do."

He turned and leaned sideways against the balcony to look Mulan face to face. "I know. I've known that for years. Why else do you think I spend so much time with you?"

"Because you're in love with me," Mulan said with a smile.

"That too," Shang laughed. _  
_

_And I feel so much I can't hide that I don't know what I'm doing anymore  
_

"Shang," Mulan sighed and crossed her arms, "What are we doing with each other? We're just talking and teasing each other and not going anywhere. And this is honestly the most talking I've done with you since that kiss. I'm getting the idea that you don't really love me, that you're avoiding me, that you don't even want to talk to me anymore…"

Shang smiled and got closer to Mulan. He smirked as her breathing hitched as he got closer.

"And I mean I haven't as much held your hand since that night," Mulan said, walking backwards as Shang got closer. "I mean we snuggled and kissed in a barn and danced and you haven't even held my hand or kissed me…"

And with one sweeping moment Shang leaned in and quickly kissed her. He slowly slinked his arms around her waist as Mulan slipped her arms around his neck bringing him closer. Mulan couldn't help but smile as they broke apart. Shang smirked when he saw her smile.

"I love you Mulan," Shang told her as he gently squeezed her hands. "And the truth is, I…I don't really know what I'm doing anymore. I can't think anymore. When I take you some place I don't really know what memory to help you remember. I'm just taking you there for the heck of it."

"I know," Mulan said with a smirk.

"You…you do?" Shang asked incredulously.

Mulan laughed, "Yes of course. I just want to know why?"

Shang shrugged, "I guess I just really like spending time with you. I don't want to leave just yet."

"You don't ever have to leave Shang," Mulan whispered and pulled him closer to kiss him gently on the lips. As they broke apart, Mulan sighed. "Shang," she said nervously, "I…I have a confession. I've been hiding it…but I…I think it's time to tell you."

Shang looked at her carefully, "What's wrong? You can tell me anything."

"I know…I just…I've been too scared to tell you. But I'm not going to keep this a secret from you. I…"

"Excuse me," a man said, and Mulan and Shang immediately turned to where the voice came from. They immediately bowed towards the man. "Good evening," he greeted them. "May I interrupt you two for just a moment?"

Mulan smiled, "Of course. What is it your Excellency?"

"I actually need you two to report here in the morning to discuss some military plans," The Emperor confessed. "I'm afraid China is indeed in trouble once again, but we would like to prevent the use of force."

"Yes, sir." They answered him respectfully.

"And can I expect your presence at this meeting this time Fa Mulan?" The Emperor asked. "I hope you are feeling better from your illness."

Mulan smiled, "Yes sir. I am feeling much better thanks to Li Shang."

"That's wonderful news," The Emperor told them. "You two take care of each other, and I'll let you get back to…I'll just leave." They watched as the Emperor walked to the door and back inside the palace.

Shang smirked.

"What?" Mulan asked him.

"I think we should go back inside before Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po find something witty to say about our long time disappearance," Shang said with laughter in his voice.

"Agreed," Mulan smiled and reached for his hand.

They walked back into the building hand in hand and closer than they were before. "_Just like old times,_" Shang thought.

_

* * *

_

I'm feeling like a little girl caught up in emotions

"Lin," Mulan said as she entered the house with her arms intertwined with Shang's. "I hate to kick you out of my house, but I need to talk to my mother and Shang privately. I hope you understand."

Lin smiled, "No, I understand perfectly." She hugged Mulan, "Good luck!" and walked out the door. Mulan sighed, knowing that her best friend didn't understand why it would be much harder than she thought. Her mother followed to close the door.

Shang sighed happily and sat down in front of Mulan. He looked at her carefully. She was trembling a bit as she stood there in front of him and she wouldn't look him in the eyes. "Mulan? What's wrong?" Shang asked nervously.

Mulan bit her lip and looked at him with tears forming in her eyes.

Shang's expression changed from one of worry to one of horror. "Mulan, what are you not telling me? What's wrong?"

Fa Li walked in and noticed a change in her daughter's mood and immediately looked at the two wondering what was going on. "Why are you crying? What's wrong?"

_I'm out of control._

"I'm sorry," Mulan whispered to Shang, as tears streamed down her face. She immediately started talking off her dress, much to her mother's protest. Shang looked at her curiously wondering what she was doing. Mulan then slightly lifted her corset to reveal her stomach. Shang's eyes widened as he saw what she was hiding all this time and Fa Li fainted. Yet at this moment Shang completely forgot about her memory loss, he forgot that she forgot that they were married, and instead of staring in horror at what would be a huge problem for him, he smiled and grinned and laughed happily at the fact that after 5 years, Mulan was finally pregnant, and with his child. But Mulan brought him back to reality, "I know you didn't get me pregnant, and I don't remember…I don't know who the father is." Mulan cried even harder, and Shang hugged her and took her in his arms. "You…you probably think I'm dishonorable and promiscuous and…and unworthy…"

Shang chuckled and shook his head, "No, no I could never think that. Mulan I love you. And I know that you would never just have a one night stand."

"Shang," Mulan said sternly, "Be serious here. What will the other people think when they see that I have a child and I'm not married?"

Shang grimaced for a moment, realizing that Mulan still forgot that they were married, "The child is mine. I take full custody of this child. I am the father. You can tell people that."

Mulan looked at him curiously, "You would do that? But dishonor…"

Shang laughed, "I don't care. If there's one thing that you taught me, is that I shouldn't care what other people think. That is our child."

Mulan kissed him and then rest her head on his shoulder, "Thank you Shang. You don't know how thankful I am to have you here."

Shang smiled, "Of course once you start showing a lot however, I'm sure you're going to want to stay inside the house, right?"

Mulan nodded. "Shang thank you for not running on me and leaving once you found out…I had to tell you. I couldn't keep this a secret from you for long. I…I just don't know who the father was…and…I…I'm so sorry. I love you more than you could ever know and I'm sorry I did this to you. You're a great guy and you don't deserve to have this happen to you. I'm so lucky to have you…"

"No," Shang told her. _I'm the one doing the right thing, you just think I'm an angel. But I'm not. I'm nowhere near that. _Shang sighed and truthfully said, "I'm lucky to have you."

_Isn't it obvious?_

**

* * *

**

Author's Note: Okay, I AM SO SORRY it has taken me ages to update. I mean all the work and writer's block, I have just been busy. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this story which I had writer's block. I literally would work on this story for 15 minutes and not feel the desire to write anymore. Yeah, it was enough to want to completely delete this chapter and start all over again. Anyways, tell me what you think about this chapter and REVIEW.

**Oh and as an added note, that part that Mulan sings, I had to translate it in Chinese to make it seem more legit. Anyways, if you know Chinese (that has been Romanized to show up on here...I used a translator) you'll recognize that that song is the song La Vie En Rose by Edith Piaf, which is a beautiful song in several movies, more specifically Sabrina. **


	8. You and Your Pretty Eyes

Chapter 8 - Pretty Eyes (By Jason Reeves)

"What do you think the Emperor has in store for us this time Mulan?" Shang asked as he packed his bags on his horse and boarded it.

Mulan got on Khan and followed after Shang. She shrugged and answered, "I'm not sure actually, but it seems reminiscent of a certain mission…the one in Qui Gong."

Shang nodded and yawned as he looked up at the rising sun. "Do you remember that mission?"

Mulan nodded, "Parts of it, but I'm sure I'll receive a crashing load of flashbacks once our mission starts."

Shang nodded, "I hope this isn't like that mission. I don't want to leave home."

Mulan smiled, "Just think of it this way, it'll be a weekend vacation with just you and me." She reached for his hand and Shang smiled.

"Well then, what are we waiting for?" Shang asked, "Let's go," and they started on the way to the Emperor.

_As we were riding, you turned your head around and looked right at me..._

Mulan smiled and looked at the scenery. She watched as the sun rose above the hills illuminating the plains and making everything come alive.

Shang, on the other hand, smiled as he rode next to Mulan, enjoying every moment of it.

Mulan then turned to Shang and smiled. "How long is this ride to the palace?"

"Well," Shang thought for a moment, "at the rate we're going, I'm going to say we should be there by mid morning."

_You couldn't see the road and it was scaring me how beautiful you are when you get crazy... _

"Well then let's have some fun, shall we?" Mulan asked with a smirk. She then turned around and got a cloth from her bag and tied it to her eyes.

"What are you doing?" Shang asked nervously. He looked worriedly from her to the road.

"I trust you completely here," Mulan said with a laugh as she rode with her eyes closed. "I'm going to rely completely on you to tell me whether to go right or left."

"Mulan!" Shang yelled at her. "Of all places to do this? You decided to do this on a mountain side where there are not to mention rocks, but if I tell you to go too far to the left you'll run off the edge!"

"So you don't trust yourself?" Mulan asked.

"Mulan, seriously!" Shang yelled from his horse, "Stop playing around!" Seeing as how she wouldn't stop, he immediately brought his horse closer to hers and pulled on both of their reins to bring them to a stop. Shang pulled off her blindfold and looked her dead in the eyes. He admired the way she smiled back at him without any trace of fear in her. Shang sighed, "You could have killed yourself."

"I trust you," Mulan said with a smile.

Shang shook his head and gently brought her closer to him to kiss her on the lips. When they pulled apart, Shang smiled and told her, "You're crazy soldier, do you know that?"

Mulan smirked, "I know. After all I am the craziest man you've ever met."

"You can change that to craziest person," Shang laughed. He then gave her hand a quick squeeze, "But I wouldn't change it for the world." Shang smiled, "C'mon, maybe the mission the Emperor gave us won't be as bad as we think, and then we can go home sooner."

Mulan nodded and followed right after him.

Shang sighed and looked at Mulan, "_I have never felt so weak._"

* * *

"Sir," a palace guard ran up to Emperor, "Consul Fa Mulan and General Li Shang have arrived."

The Emperor nodded, "Alright, send them in."

The guard bowed respectfully and sent for Mulan and Shang.

Mulan walked hand in hand with Shang up the palace stairs. She smiled and admired the palace décor and its elegance. "I can't believe it's been 5 years since I've been here. Well, I mean last I remember I was destroying this place."

Shang chuckled, "Well…I guess you're half right. We've been here several times before, just not this part of the palace. This was the part where you met with the Emperor and he gave you all your honors. I do wonder why we're passing by the front. We usually go by the back."

Mulan shrugged, "This must be more important than we thought."

"Consul Fa Mulan and General Li Shang!" The Palace guard greeted them and bowed, "The Emperor sends me to guide you to the meeting room."

"Yes sir," Shang replied and followed after him, "By the way, do you have any inkling as to why we're here?"

The man shrugged, "I have no idea sir." He then turned to Mulan, "How are you today? How's the mix of army life and home life for you?"

Shang looked at her cautiously and Mulan smiled, "Its…interesting. Sometimes it's quite the challenge."

The guard chuckled, "I bet. You always were an interesting woman. I'm sure you can handle it, but I'm sure Shang knows your troubles just the same. I bet he's very helpful though."

Mulan smiled at Shang and answered the guard while looking at Shang, "Yeah, it's good to have him around." Shang smiled back at her and gave her hand a small squeeze.

"Shang!" Ling yelled from the room, causing both Mulan and Shang to look away from each other.

"And Mulan!" Chien-Po yelled.

Immediately all three ran up to them and gave them a hug. Mulan and Shang looked at each other and laughed. Once they were let go Mulan walked up to the Emperor with one hand on her hip and asked with a smirk, "Let me guess…another mission out of town?"

The Emperor smiled and nodded.

Shang laughed and followed behind Mulan, "And you want us to travel to Qui Gong?"

"Actually no," Ling told them. "But we have a slightly similar mission."

"You're traveling about a day's travel from here to another province," The Emperor told them. "Considering you were slowed down because of my daughters, I believe it should take you a day to go there and back home. You should be home by nightfall or early the next morning, and if not, we will send soldiers to find you 5."

Mulan smiled, "I think I'll be safe your highness. After all I have 3 brave soldiers by my side and a strong, brave General to protect me if I need help."

"That is if you need help," Shang smiled, "I think I trained you well enough. After all, you are the heroine of China."

"Stop flirting," Yao sneered, to which Mulan and Shang looked at each other and smirked.

"It's settled then," The Emperor said, "All you have to do is manage some peace talks between us and the other province. We _need_ more troops General."

"I understand your majesty," Shang replied. "But these talks may take more than just a day. In fact they may take an entire week."

The Emperor smiled, "I think a certain someone may actually speed up the process."

Shang looked over to who the Emperor was gesturing to and smiled.

Mulan also smiled and asked, "How can I be of service your highness?"

* * *

"I can't believe we get to go on another mission!" Ling said with a smile as he packed his bags on his horse in the stables. "It'll be like old times!"

Yao growled as he looked at Mulan flirting with Shang, "Yeah, except while we're here without any women Shang has his wi…"

Immediately every one looked at Yao with horror on their faces, but Mulan looked at him curiously wondering what he was going to say.

"His white stallion," Ling continued. "That horse sure can run! Once we joined the Imperial Army, and I mean the real one, we all got white stallions, but now, now we have to make due with what we have." Ling shook his head in anger, "Man I miss my horse!"

"Okay," Mulan looked at him oddly, "Anyways, we need to get started soon. It is almost noon. I can see the sun's place directly above me. Besides, my horse is way better than any Imperial white stallion." She smiled and petted her horse, "Isn't that right Khan?" Khan snorted at the other horses and Mulan set off.

Yao sighed relieved of his almost mistake, "That was a close one."

Shang glared at him, "Don't make that same mistake again soldier," and set off after Mulan.

"Well maybe if he told Mulan the truth already we wouldn't be in this predicament," Yao growled. "I hate keeping secrets from her! She's my friend."

"Yeah, well so is Shang!" Ling retorted. "If we spill the beans he will kill us, and frankly, I'm more afraid of him than Mulan. Besides, Mulan doesn't know that we know so she can't hurt anyone but Shang."

"Look," Chien-Po interrupted them. "Mulan needs to find out soon and I don't care if Shang kills us. She needs to know. And Shang needs to know that she needs to know."

Yao and Ling looked at each other and then at Chien-Po, "What? I'm a bit confused by what you're implying."

Chien-Po sighed at the lack of intelligence in his friends, "I'm going to get Shang to tell Mulan herself, instead of us telling her."

"Are you soldiers done having your little tea party?" Shang asked angrily. "I thought you three were behind us. I travel a mile and I find out you three are nowhere to be found!" The soldiers winced as his horse kicked a bit of dust into the stable. "You can have your little gossip session _on the way!_" Shang growled and rode off with Mulan.

The three men looked at each other slyly as they boarded their horses and set off. GAME ON.

* * *

_We took the highway that curves along the ocean_

Mulan sighed happily as she looked at the waters. "I can't believe we get to see the ocean and look at all those ships coming in and traders coming in with goods. I actually feel like swimming in the ocean."

"I don't think so Mulan," Shang answered her. "We need to get there by nightfall. I don't want to be traveling at night."

"Why? Are you scared General?" Mulan teased.

"No," Shang sighed. "I don't want to be traveling in a place that I have no idea about, especially at night."

"Lighten up Shang," Mulan told him. "It was a joke. I think we all need a rest. Let's take a break here. Look, if I am correct, we are more than halfway through the journey and with the other half of the afternoon to spare. We haven't even eaten lunch and honestly I'm a bit hungry."

"Fine," Shang sighed and brought his horse to a stop. "We'll feed the horses and I'll go fishing." He gestured to Chien-Po to give him his fishing hook.

"But Shang!" Mulan corrected him, "No raw fish!"

Yao looked at Mulan oddly, "Why not raw fish? You love raw fish."

The color in Mulan's face drained, but Shang was there to save her. "She…she's been having an upset stomach lately. I…I can't have anyone sick on this mission. Plus, I mean really, how sanitary is this water anyway? We can't have raw fish! We need to cook."

"Yeah," Mulan laughed uneasily, "Exactly. So no raw fish for anyone! And stop asking so many questions and just take a break." She gave out a sigh of relief as she dismissed Yao and the other two. Mulan turned to Shang, "That was a close one."

Shang sighed, "Tell me about it." He looked down at her stomach and put one arm around her waist to bring her in closer. Shang put his hand on her stomach, "How is the baby? Are you okay with traveling with him, or her?"

Mulan smiled, "Yes, I think its fine. I don't want you holding it like this though. Someone will notice and then what will they think?"

"I told you not to worry about it Mulan," Shang answered her.

"I suppose you're right," Mulan sighed, "I never did thank you for being so understanding. It means a lot to me. And…I know how hard this must be for you."

Shang smiled and kissed her gently on the lips, "I would do anything for you, and you know that."

"Oh really?" Mulan smirked and Shang laughed knowing fully well what was going to happen next. "Well, if you say that…" she handed him a bamboo stick attached to a hook, "go and get me some fish."

"Fine," he muttered, "Aren't you going to join me though? I know how much you love fishing. If I do recall, you got me like 6 fish from the river during your training."

Mulan laughed, "I will, I will. Just let me gather some fruits first."

Shang smiled and gave Mulan one peck on the cheek before making his way to the water. Mulan smiled as she brought her hand to her cheek. She then watched as Shang walked away. Mulan then turned around and made her way in the opposite direction towards the trees.

Shang smiled as he watched Mulan pick fruits from the trees. Fishing was usually boring and he rarely ever caught anything, so he just stood there from time to time waiting for a fish to bite on the hook. Even though it was boring, he couldn't help but admit that it was surely relaxing to not have anyone bother him or talk to him.

"Good afternoon General," Chien-Po greeted him.

Shang sighed. Even though he wanted to be alone, it was better that it was Chien-Po and not Ling or Yao. "Yes Chien-Po?"

"Mind if I join you?" he asked Shang.

Shang looked at Mulan and knew it would be a while before she joined him and he couldn't say no to Chien-Po so he answered, "No, not at all. Go ahead. Mulan's fishing rod is right there. You can borrow hers until she gets here."

"So," Chien-Po started, much to Shang's impatience, "how are you?"

Shang sighed, trying to keep his cool, "I'm fine, but I'm trying to catch fish so I think we shouldn't talk as much and keep absolutely quiet."

"Oh," Chien-Po answered.

Shang smiled, and enjoyed the silence, for a short a time however.

"Well I usually see you and Mulan laughing and you catch a ton of fish," Chien-Po started and Shang grimaced, "I don't think being quiet is all that important."

"I'm sorry Chien-Po," Shang answered him, "I'm…I'm just really stressed right now and I need to relax."

Chien-Po nodded, "I understand."

Shang gave out a sigh of relief, knowing fully well that Chien-Po now understood him.

"Well then why don't you tell Mulan the truth?" Chien-Po asked blatantly.

Shang choked and started coughing. A million things were running through his mind right now and one of them was his regret of telling his friends what was wrong with Mulan's memory. Chien-Po's question certainly caught him by surprise and Shang had no idea of how to answer it.

"Because," Shang answered him, "It isn't time."

"It isn't time?" Chien Po asked incredulously, "Well when is it time?"

"When Mulan finds out," Shang answered him angrily, "I've worked hard for Mulan to try and figure it out on her own. Don't you think I want her to remember as well? Do you know how much easier it would be for the both of us if she found out? I would love to tell her that that baby is actually ours. I would love to save her the heartbreak of the fact that she didn't cheat on me, she didn't have a baby dishonorably, that that is our baby and we were married when we had it. Even though it hurts me, I would love to tell her that she lost her memory thanks to me, because I was being a bad husband."

"Sir, I-"

"No, Chien-Po. No you don't understand. I lost Mulan and I'm trying to get her back. Along the way I've learned so many things and I found that I need to be a better person. I needed to take this journey with her. And you know I'm coming to the conclusion that she would be so much better off without me."

"Sir, you know that's not true," Chien-Po answered him.

"It's not? It's not? Then tell me why Mulan would cry for endless hours whenever I wasn't around. It's because of me. Because I was a bad husband. Because I was a horrible man towards her. She didn't deserve that and I didn't deserve her. So now, I'm giving her and me a second chance to choose who she wants to be with, and I don't want her to just be with me because I am her husband. I want her to be with me because she wants to."

"Well then she needs to know the truth," Chien-Po answered, "Because you're only giving her a one-sided story here. I bet she thinks you're an angel, and that you're the most amazing man in the world and that man that she saw in Qui Gong, that man that hurt her and yelled at her, she doesn't even know he exists." Shang grimaced. "Do you remember how close you came to losing her?"

Shang nodded, "I do. But I also remember doing everything I could to get her back."

"You need to tell her the truth Shang," Chien-Po told him.

"But I can't," Shang argued.

"You can't? Why? Is it because of timing? Or is because of cowardice?" Chien-Po asked, leaving him with that one last question before going back to others.

Shang groaned and threw down his fishing rod. He sighed and made his way to Mulan. She had just finished picking fruits and gave the basket to Yao to bring to the horses. Shang then silently dismissed Ling behind her back, to give them privacy. He then cleared his throat so that way Mulan would turn around and look at him.

"Oh hello Shang," Mulan said. "I just finished picking the fruit." She looked at him and his empty hand. "I'm guessing we're not going fishing."

"Oh…uh, no," Shang answered her. "I couldn't find any fish, but I actually came over here to talk to you about something." He then looked at the other three men who were hiding in conspicuous places to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"Sure," Mulan said uneasily. "What is it that you need to talk to me about?"

"I-" Shang sighed. He couldn't do this. He couldn't tell her. Just not yet. It was too soon, but his mind asked him, when? When would be the right time? Chien-Po was right. He was a coward.

_The sun was falling down and you were shining  
_

Mulan looked up at the sky. "Oh Shang," she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, "It's getting late. We need to go if we want to get there before nightfall. We can talk about this on the way right? Or if not we can talk about it at the palace."

Shang sighed happily and nodded. Saved by the time, he thought and got on his horse to lead them to the palace.

_The rhythm of the waves was keeping time as you were singing this…  
_

As they rode on their horses, Shang took a nice look at the waves and closed his eyes momentarily to concentrate on their soothing sound, but instead heard a beautiful female singing voice.

She was singing, "_Maybe I would disappear without you or maybe I would fall into the sky, but I'm in heaven orbiting around you and your pretty eyes._"

Shang immediately turned around and found that the voice belonged to no one other than Mulan. He smiled and she blushed in embarrassment. Shang then thought about her words and took it to heart.

* * *

"We finally made it!" Ling yelled and kissed the ground behind the palace gates. A few stable boys took away their horses as they all entered in the palace.

"Don't get too happy yet," Shang told them, "Remember what we came here for."

They all nodded.

"Good evening," a beautiful woman came out to greet them. All the men smiled at her and Mulan looked at them and smirked. "I trust you had a long journey and would like some rest for the evening."

"Yes please," Ling begged her.

The woman smiled and politely answered, "As you wish, but first let me take you Lord Wang so you can discuss some proper arrangements." She then led them into the palace.

"You think she's pretty don't you?" Mulan whispered to Shang as they walked through the palace halls.

"Pssh, no!" Shang answered her back. "What makes you think that?"

"I saw it in your eyes," Mulan whispered back. "It's fine. I think I know what kind of girls you're attracted to now."

"What?" Shang asked in a hushed tone. "So you think just based on the fact that I was merely just smiling at her that you think you know what I'm into?"

"Hey I've known you for five years," Mulan answered him.

"But you lost your memory," he reminded her.

"But I'm gaining back my memories," she answered him with a smirk.

"Are you jealous?" Shang asked her.

"No! I have no reason to be."

"Because I'm such a good man right? And even though I think she's pretty I would never leave you. Is that what you're thinking?"

"Oh, so you are admitting she's pretty."

"Hey," Yao whispered, interrupting them. "You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking you two should stop flirting and focus on the mission, okay?"

"Fine," Shang answered, "But as soon as Mulan tells me what she thinks is my type."

Mulan smirked, "You like those pretty girls. Not the ones that are average or anything, but those really really pretty girls who don't need make-up or pretty dresses to make them stand out or anything. You know the ones that are all looks…"

Yao muttered to Ling, "She may not remember that she's married to him, but they certainly are acting like a married couple." Ling nodded in agreement.

"Look," Shang answered her, "I love you and you are a beautiful girl and I like you better without that paint or those pretty dresses, and you aren't just all looks…"

Yao growled and turned around to face Mulan and Shang. "Hey, if you two don't shut up in a few seconds," Yao yelled at the top of his lungs, "I am going to personally…"

From behind Yao a cough came from a man, which quickly silenced him. Yao immediately turned around in horror and found a tall skinny man with his arms crossed looking down at him. He immediately stood up straight as if he would for Shang, when lining up for the Army.

"I thought I trained you better than that soldier," Shang told Yao. Shang then turned to Lord Wang. They all bowed in respect for him. "Good evening sir."

"Good evening General Li," Lord Wang greeted them.

"I'm guessing these are your soldiers," he gestured towards the three and then found himself looking at Mulan. "And she," he bowed in respect for Mulan, "You must be the prized Heroine of China. What an honor it is to have you in my presence."

"It is an honor to be recognized by a man of your high honor," she replied politely.

"I trust you 5 will be staying here for the night so we can negotiate some talks tomorrow, yes?" Lord Wang asked and Shang nodded. "However, I'm afraid two of you will have to share a room."

"Those two!" Ling, Yao, and Chien-Po suggested and immediately pointed to Mulan and Shang, who blushed immediately.

"I apologize for this inconvenience," he continued, "As we have other guests staying and as our other rooms are being repaired. Plus if my memory serves me right, you two actually would have wanted to share a room anyway."

Shang groaned internally knowing fully well what he was implying, and Mulan blushed knowing of the situation she would have to be put into.

"My servants will show you to your rooms, and I will see you bright and early tomorrow morning for our meeting," Lord Wang told all of them and then greeted them goodnight.

A servant led Mulan and Shang to their room, as they walked in awkward silence. When they entered the room the two sighed as they noticed it had only one bed. Shang quickly thought about asking the man to bring in a couch for him to sleep on, but decided against it. When the servant closed the door, Mulan and Shang parted to the opposite sides of the room.

"I'll sleep on the floor," Shang quickly suggested.

"No, no," Mulan answered him. "That won't be necessary. I'll sleep at the bottom of the bed and you can sleep on the top."

"So you're going to smell my feet?" Shang asked. "I don't think so. I'll stay up for the night so you can sleep."

"Shang we need you tomorrow. We can't have you falling asleep. If anything you are the one that needs to stay awake," Mulan replied.

"As do you," Shang retorted. "If…I guess we'll just divide the bed in half and you stay on one side and I'll stay on the other side. Fair enough?"

Mulan nodded in agreement, but was wary to the idea, and secretly desired against it.

"I…I'm going to go get something," Shang told her and walked out the room.

Mulan sighed and looked out the window at the gardens decided that she needed a walk to clear her mind as well.

* * *

Maybe I would disappear without you or maybe I would fall into the sky

Mulan looked around the garden to see if anyone was around. She needed some peace and quiet before she went to bed. Mulan then made her way to the cherry blossom garden where she found no one other than Shang.

"Mulan?" he asked astounded by her presence. "I didn't expect you to be here."

She smiled and sighed, "I could say the same for you. What are you doing here?"

"I…I needed space and a place to think. After all I'm sharing a room with you, I…I mean not that we're going to do anything or anything, but…I was planning to tell you something in the room," Shang told her, avoiding her gaze.

"Oh," Mulan answered. "Is it what you were trying to tell me earlier at our rest stop?"

"Uh, yes," Shang answered, lying to her. He then grabbed her hand and led her to a bench under a cherry blossom tree.

_But I'm in heaven orbiting around you and your pretty eyes._

Shang looked deep in her eyes as he sat her down under the cherry blossom tree. He smiled at her and she smiled back. Shang then knelt down, much to Mulan's surprise. Her eyes widened and sparkled as she felt she knew what was happening next.

"Mulan," Shang said nervously. "I love you. And I have ever since I met you. Will you do me the honors…I mean…I ask you…?"

Mulan smiled, "Yes," she answered him.

"Will you marry me?" he sighed. Shang did a double take. "Wait, did you just say yes?"

Mulan nodded and Shang hugged her. He then leaned in to kiss her.

_Mulan sat under the cherry blossom tree, nervously wondering what Shang was going to do next. He smiled at her nervously and knelt down on one knee in front of her. Mulan could barely contain her excitement in as she watched him._

"_Mulan," Shang chuckled nervously. "I haven't known you for very long, but I feel that doesn't seem to matter when a man is in love." She smirked at the words he was trying to spit out earlier. "I love you. And I have ever since I met you. Will you do me the honors of…I mean…I ask you…" Shang sighed and looked down embarrassed by his lack of courage, but Mulan patiently waited for him to spit it out. He then looked her in the eyes and asked, "Will you marry me?"_

_Mulan's eyes widened and she screamed at the top of her lungs, "Yes!" She then tackled Shang to the ground and kissed him._

"Mulan," Shang's voice brought her out of her flashback, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Mulan leaned into him for a hug, "I'm fine." And as she stood there hugging him, she wondered what really happened in her past with Shang, if he was lying to her, and where his wife really was.

* * *

**Author's Note: I'm sorry. I know this chapter is short. And I know it's A LOT of dialogue, but I promise it'll get better! :) There was just alot of things that were going unsaid that needed to be said. That's as simply as I could say it about my reasoning for so much dialogue. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you again to everyone who reviewed and thank you to those who are reading my story! It means alot to me that you are reading my works and writing! :)**


	9. Say What You Need to Say

**Author's Note: **I know that this is usually at the bottom of the story, but I had to make an exception. This is actually one of my favorite chapters that I've written so far. I highly suggest listening to the song while reading this. (Well actually listening to the song during the last sub-part of this chapter, which is right before Shang's nightmare). Try and go with the lyrics. I feel that stories are better told with music.

Anyways, Read & Review! I really want to know what you think of the story. As for grammatical errors, I apologize, it is late and spell check never works.

* * *

Chapter 9 – Say (By John Mayer)

_Mulan sat under the cherry blossom tree, nervously wondering what Shang was going to do next. He smiled at her nervously and knelt down on one knee in front of her. Mulan could barely contain her excitement in as she watched him._

"_Mulan," Shang chuckled nervously. "I haven't known you for very long, but I feel that doesn't seem to matter when a man is in love." She smirked at the words he was trying to spit out earlier. "I love you. And I have ever since I met you. Will you do me the honors of…I mean…I ask you…" Shang sighed and looked down embarrassed by his lack of courage, but Mulan patiently waited for him to spit it out. He then looked her in the eyes and asked, "Will you marry me?"_

_Mulan's eyes widened and she screamed at the top of her lungs, "Yes!" She then tackled Shang to the ground and kissed him._

"Mulan," Shang's voice brought her out of her flashback, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Mulan leaned into him for a hug, "I'm fine." And as she stood there hugging him, she wondered what really happened in her past with Shang, if he was lying to her, and where his wife really was.

* * *

_Later that night…_

Mulan drew herself back from another one of Shang's kisses. She smiled and blushed as she realized that she was leaning against him while in his arms and their comfortable proximity. They looked at each other, with their faces just a few inches apart. Shang then closed his eyes and leaned in for another kiss but Mulan drew herself back, much to Shang's dismay and shock. "What? What is it?" he whispered.

"I…it's getting late Shang," Mulan told him lamely. "I think we should go inside."

"So you would rather do this in our room?" Shang asked slyly.

Mulan laughed, "No, it's just that it is getting late and we do need to be up in the morning."

"There are times where I've stayed up an entire night and gone for training the next morning with my father," Shang answered her. "It wasn't the best, but I did survive. I mean it's nothing a little green tea can't solve. But if you do want to go inside and sleep we can. And I mean sleep, and nothing else," Shang continued, reassuring her that his honor and dignity and respect for her were in the right places, no matter how loudly his heart argued against it.

"And what were you doing that entire night?" Mulan asked slyly. "I certainly hope it wasn't spent passionately kissing a girl as you are doing now."

Shang shook his head. "No, I was not actually," he chuckled. "But I did spend that night drinking and playing games with my fellow classmates or other soldiers. And apparently my father actually knew about it and decided to punish us by making training even harder on us." Mulan smirked, as if suggesting that Shang did the same with her. Shang smiled, "Besides, you are honestly the only girl I've done this with, or actually even considered doing this with." He then leaned in for another kiss and pulled her in closer.

Mulan reluctantly pulled away, but she had a question for Shang, "Wait, considered secretly kissing in a garden very late at night, or the mere idea of kissing a girl the way you are with me?"

Shang smirked, "Both." He then leaned in again, but Mulan put her finger to his mouth to stop him.

"Just me?" Mulan asked suspiciously to which Shang nodded. "Not even your wife Shang? Did you even love her?"

Shang sighed. He was caught in a big lie that was going around in circles and never ending and the only way to end it was by telling the truth. Even though he was technically lying, guilt still ate up at him and he couldn't fully lie to her, at least not without any reasoning behind it. But he couldn't tell her the truth just yet. And Mulan was waiting for him to answer her. "I did love her," Shang answered her. "But not nearly as much as I love you now." He sighed in relief. There, it was the truth. He did love Mulan, but not as much as he loved her now, and especially now, now that she was carrying his child and now that he saw her like he did 5 years ago.

Mulan sighed and smiled. She then did what Shang wanted to do for a while now: Mulan pulled him in closer for a kiss.

* * *

Mulan and Shang looked down and away from the guards as they entered the palace from the gardens. It was really late and no one was awake, not even the servants. Shang looked at Mulan and smiled. She returned the look, but added a smirk. Shang sighed internally knowing that she had something up her sleeve, yet he wasn't yet sure what it was. "I know that look," Shang warned her. "Before you even tell me what it is, I just want to remind you that there are people sleeping upstairs and that we need to be quiet. Okay, now what is it that you want to tell me?"

Mulan laughed quietly and then crossed her arms, "I was just going to say," she then looked around and said as loudly as she deemed appropriate, "Race you to the room."

Mulan then bolted away from him and towards the room. Shang chuckled and grabbed a hold of her arm. Mulan, who was trying to get away, ended up dragging Shang halfway up the stairs. Then Shang decided to leave her and race up the stairs leaving her in the dust. He smiled as he raced to the room. Shang constantly looked behind him to see if Mulan would eventually make it up to the stairs, and as he turned the corner he found himself running into Mulan, who was waiting patiently at the door. Shang looked at her in awe, wondering how in the world she beat him up there. He turned to look at the stairs and then back at her. Mulan laughed as she watched the confusion grow in his head.

She smirked as she answered, "Always expect the unexpected with me Shang."

"I know that," Shang responded and then lifted her up in his arms. Mulan giggled as he carried her into the bedroom. He then shut the door and leaned her against it. Shang then slowly dropped her to the ground and slid his arms around as he leaned in for a kiss. Mulan slid her arms around his neck and played with his hair, eventually taking the tie from his hair. As they pulled each other in closer, the kiss became deeper and deeper. Shang then slid his hands further down, but then reluctantly pulled away. "I'm sorry," he told her. "That was a bit too far."

Mulan straightened up and smiled, "It's fine." She then walked to the closet, "I'm going to change into something to sleep in, while you can use this room to change."

Shang nodded and reached into his bag for his clothes, but instead started digging absentmindedly. He just scoured through his bag as he thought. "I need to know my limits_,_" Shang told himself. "She isn't married to you…or actually she doesn't know that yet_,_" he thought sourly. Shang took off his clothes and changed into a pair of sleeping pants. He then realized that Mulan would be sharing a bed with him and he couldn't be shirtless. Shang then dug through his bag searching for a shirt, but couldn't find one. At that moment the door burst open and Mulan walked in and Shang couldn't help but stare at her. Baby or not, Shang couldn't even tell. She wore some small dark blue shorts and a light blue top.

Mulan smirked when she realized that Shang was staring. "So Shang," she asked, bringing him out of his reverie. "How are we going to divide this bed?"

"I…Uh…" Shang didn't exactly think that part through. "Well we're both honorable people, I think we know our limits, yes?" He then slid into the bed under the blanket and Mulan followed. "Besides, you're already pregnant anyway…"

"But not with your baby…" Mulan continued, finishing the rest of the sentence Shang's mind would have finished. Mulan groaned, what am I saying? She thought. Know your limits, her mind warned her.

"I love you, my baby or not," Shang smiled and gave her one last kiss on the lips. He then smiled at her when they pulled away. Shang gave her hand a small squeeze and said to her, "Good night." He then turned away and reluctantly slept facing the other way.

Mulan smiled and whispered, "Good night Shang," and then turned away from him.

* * *

"It's not polite to keep a man waiting General Li," Lord Wang boomed when Shang and Mulan hurriedly entered the room.

"My deepest apologies sir," Shang said before he bowed and concealed his yawn with a bow. "I was just gathering up all paperwork and the things I wished to speak to you about so that way I would be prepared for the meeting and not waste your time. It will not happen again sir, I assure you."

"Very well," Lord Wang answered impatiently. "How about you, Consul Fa? I trust you were satisfied with your room and my servants at your disposal?"

"Yes sir," Mulan answered him politely and tiredly. She bowed and also concealed her yawn with the bow. "I made sure I got a long night sleep in preparation for our meeting today."

Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po looked at the two wondering why in the world they were so tired. They all then smirked knowing exactly why the two were both tired and believed they knew why they had a long night. Mulan and Shang looked at the three oddly when they noticed them staring and smirking at them. They then looked at each other and shrugged, yet knowing they would have to ask them why they kept smirking.

"Well today it will have to be a short one," Lord Wang informed them. "I'm afraid I have another meeting with a few other people discussing some matters concerning my people's safety. But feel free to stay as long as you like; you are always welcome at my palace. However, I don't want to waste time with formalities. What led you to my palace?"

"I'm afraid the growing threat of invasion sir," Shang answered him, and swallowed his yawn. "We are in dire need of more troops, sir to help aid our national cause against these invaders." Shang then yawned and quickly concealed it with his mouth hoping Lord Wang did not see it.

"I hope I am not wasting your time General Li," Lord Wang interrupted him angrily.

"You are not sir, and I apologize if you think I am wasting yours. I assure you I am trying to do none of the sort," Shang answered him diplomatically.

"So you think you can come in here and asking me for my men to fight, while yawning to me?" Lord Wang asked him furiously. "Who do you think I am that you can show me little honor and respect?"

"Li Shang is a man of high respect and honor sir," Mulan boldly erupted out. "He is the commander of China's troops and has killed hundreds if not thousands of Huns. Li Shang was the highest in his class at the Military Academy and soared to the position of General at a young age. If anything, that is honorable and remarkable. General Li means no disrespect and certainly is not wasting your time. He traveled many miles to your palace to simply ask you if you would send us your men for him to train. General Li could have simply sent a mere soldier with a letter or even me, an Army Consul to await your news and persuade you, yet he comes here with his best soldiers and the Heroine of China to humbly ask you for your support. Is this the behavior of a dishonorable man? I highly doubt it."

For a moment everyone in the room, including Shang himself, stared at Mulan in awe and marveled at her. Her words and arguments were not only sound and persuasive, but diplomatic. Even Lord Wang himself was taken aback. For a while no one said anything. Ling, Chien-Po, and Yao stared nervously at Lord Wang wondering how he was going to respond to this. Shang on the other hand wondered if Lord Wang was going to hurt Mulan for answering him so boldly. Finally Lord Wang stood up from his chair and walked down the steps from his throne towards Mulan, who stood there firm and unwavering ready for her punishment.

Lord Wang clapped slowly and respectfully for the behavior Mulan displayed in front of him and for all his advisors. "Such bold words for a woman," Lord Wang answered him.

"But not just any woman," Ling pointed out. "The Heroine of China."

"Silence," Lord Wang boomed. "You," He then looked to Shang. "You trained this woman, did you not?" Shang nodded modestly. "And you said she is your best soldier?" He asked again, to which Shang nodded confidently. Even Ling, Yao and Chien-Po smiled and nodded without arguing against it. "Well then," he sighed. "I expect to see her bright and early next morning," he continued, to which Ling, Yao, and Chien-Po sighed relieved, but Shang looked in horror.

"Why?" Shang asked immediately.

"I wish to see if sending my men to you is worth it after all. Based on the looks of your other soldiers, I am not entirely satisfied. Maybe they are better off here than training with you," Lord Wang answered him. "However, I give you a chance to prove me wrong by sending your best soldier to fight off my men. If she is indeed victorious than I will send off my men to train with you and fight when the time comes, yet if she loses, then I will not send my men. I wish to test Fa Mulan's strength and mind against my men."

"But sir–", Shang started, to which Lord Wang waved a hand over it, stopping him.

"You said she is your best soldier," Lord Wang responded to him. "You should accept this challenge confidently as you did when I asked if she was your best soldier. If she is indeed your best soldier, then this contest should not be difficult for her."

"But do you promise it will be fair?" Shang asked.

"I am a man of honor Li Shang," Lord Wang retorted. "Not a slimy cheat. If she is indeed the best then she will be able to defeat all of my men. After all I do expect the best from the Heroine of China." He then walked towards the door, but before he left, Lord Wang left them with these parting words, "Your best soldier is a woman?" he laughed haughtily. "This is must see. It says a lot about China's weakness however." Mulan growled and clenched her fist in anger. "Besides, I doubt the contest will be soon over before long." Mulan then started to charge at him, before Shang held her back. "I hope I am not wasting your time General," Lord Wang said to him before he departed. Shang angrily looked at him and squeezed Mulan's hand in his fist. She squirmed to release herself from his clench.

"So what do we do now Shang?" Mulan asked him.

"Train you," he replied as if he had plan going on in his head already.

* * *

Shang and Mulan entered their room and Shang shut the door close after a long afternoon of training. Mulan grumbled as they entered in and Shang sighed knowing she was angry. They walked around the room in silence. Mulan walked to her closet getting the clothes from her wardrobe while Shang moved to his to do the same. They both sighed, hating the silence between them. Suddenly the both of them turned around wanting to say something to the other, but stopped and couldn't find the words once they made eye contact.

"Mulan, I –", Shang started, looking down and away from her.

"Why, Shang?" Mulan angrily asked. "Why did you take it easy on me? I knew you were the entire time. I can handle it Shang, how many times do I have to prove it to you? Do you want me to kill the Hun leader again? Would you like me to save the Emperor? Or do you want me to pretend I'm a boy once again so you can treat me as your equal instead of your inferior?"

"That's not fair Mulan," Shang answered her. "You're being narrow-minded."

"Oh like you?" Mulan retorted. "While Lord Wang was talking about me as your best soldier you were arguing with him and being completely scared of me fighting against his men! I've been trained Shang, and by you! Have you no confidence in me or yourself? I'm good, really good, and I can beat those men! You know that."

Shang charged up to her, "You are pregnant in case you have forgotten! I don't want injury to come to you and the baby while you have him or her in you. If you fall, if you get a blow to the stomach, it'll all be my fault." Mulan looked away, and Shang reached to hold her hands. "I'm just caring for you. I know you can beat those men, after all you did beat me and save my life." They both laughed. "I trained you soldier, I know what you're capable of and what you aren't capable of."

"And what would that be?" Mulan asked with a smirk.

"You just don't know when to give up. You're stubborn and you are incapable of following orders," Shang answered her. "Just…don't get hurt."

"I'm in my early stages Shang," Mulan answered him. "I'm barely showing. My stomach will provide protection for the baby. I will be fine. Just trust me."

"Well don't be angry if my human nature to help you takes over okay?" Shang told her. "I would rather put China in danger than see you get hurt on that battlefield tomorrow. I will rush out onto the field and help you even if it means disqualification."

Mulan sighed, "Promise me you won't, unless I'm that badly injured." She answered and smiled.

"We'll see," Shang smiled and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, "C'mon soldier. You need your rest for tomorrow." He led her to the bed. "I'm not going to let you be yawning like you were this morning."

"I could say the same for you," Mulan laughed. "By the way, did you see the way those three were smiling at us as if they were suggesting something?"

"Yes I know what they were smirking about," Shang sighed. "They think that the reason we were sharing a room is the reason why we were so tired."

"Well," Mulan smirked and got onto the bed after quickly changing into her night clothes. "I did wake up with your arms around me this morning and you did go past the border line we agreed upon."

"Yes," Shang answered, "But in my defense you did turn around to face me and put your arms around me as well. And we did intertwine legs, and we did kiss for a while."

"Oh but you kissed me first," Mulan retorted. "Plus you were shirtless!"

Shang laughed and also got on the bed, "Oh and as if your attire was any more modest."

Mulan rolled her eyes and kissed Shang. "Good night General. As much as I love arguing with you, I need to go to sleep." She then lay her head down on the pillow and closed her eyes. Suddenly Mulan felt Shang's arms around her and she smiled. She then turned around to face him and put her head on his chest and her arms around him as well.

* * *

"_Mulan!" Fa Li screamed as she saw her daughter lying limp in Shang's arms. She looked in horror at her daughter and then at Shang. "What happened?"_

_Shang looked away from her in shame. He couldn't bear look her in the face and tell her the bad news. Shang felt ashamed for what happened to Mulan._

"_Shang," Fa Zhou answered him. "You better tell me now what happened to my daughter."_

"_I'm afraid her baby is dead," Shang answered him, trying to calm himself down. Fa Li and Fa Zhou looked at him sadly. "And," Shang continued, "she died in the process, she died in childbirth." Shang's tears fell down from his face, "All because of me."_

Shang awoke from his nightmare with a jolt. He breathed heavily as he sat up in bed, trying to calm himself down from his nightmare. Shang immediately turned around to reassure himself that Mulan was there alive and well. He smiled a bit as he watched her still sleeping soundly. Shang gently stroked her hair to reveal her face. He sighed and sat on the side of the bed, still not happy. Mulan was going to fight and it was his entire fault. Before he got up to get ready, Shang took one last look at Mulan. He was completely nervous and what he needed to do was relax.

Shang sighed and got up from the bed. Mulan, who felt that Shang was gone, immediately sat up in bed and watched as he left. She sighed knowing that he was troubled as well.

_Take out all your wasted honor_

On his way to the bathing room he passed by a large cabinet. He opened it up and saw an old but surely famous General's attire and weapon. Next to it he saw pictures of all the great Generals of China, and a picture of his father, and…Shang himself. He sighed as he thought about all the training he had to endure, all the pain and suffering he felt, and all the horrors he saw of his own men and friends dying out on the battlefield. Shang wondered, is that all you wanted? Was that worth all the honor you have now? Or would you trade it all in an instant to have lived a happy peaceful life on the countryside, but still have no honor? His stubborn, and prideful mind told him no, but his heart told him yes, when Shang realized that his father might still have been alive today to see him get married, and his father could have died happily with grandchildren by his side. Shang's honor was great, but it was wasted.

_Every little past frustration_

Shang then made his way to the bathing room where he washed his face with the bowl of water the servants brought for him. He doused himself with water hoping the cool water would relax him, but it was to no avail. Shang was nervous and frustrated with the situation today. He wanted to stop it, but Shang knew he needed more troops and if he didn't get it there was a possibility both him and Mulan and their families would die, not to mention most of China would be taken over by savages. Shang took a towel to dry his face. He was still not relaxed. Shang sighed and looked down at his reflection, feeling a bit reminiscent of Mulan as he did so.

Shang sighed and threw down his towel in anger. He couldn't relax; he just couldn't, at least not with so much on the line. As he paced around angrily, trying to calm himself down, he thought about advice his father told him: _Take all of your so called problems and better put them in quotations_. Shang smiled. What his father meant was to just say what's bothering you, talk to yourself, talk to him, and vent out all your issues and just let it go.

Shang sighed and sat down with his arms on his knees while on the ground in the middle of room and looked up to the sky, as if he was talking to his father. "Okay, here it goes," Shang sighed. "You were rarely around to listen to my problems, so now you're going to have to, even if you think it's a waste of time, even if you don't care. Mulan is pregnant with my child, but she doesn't know it and now she's going to fight against who knows how many men and I can't stop her from fighting because if I do then we can't get troops for the Imperial Army. And by my ancestors, we all know that we need more." Once he finished, the sun drifted across the room and hit Shang on the face. Shang sighed, as if a heavy burden had been relieved off of him. He smiled as if he knew the answer to all his problems. Shang stood up from the floor keeping the words inside his head and ran to the room for Mulan.

_Say what you need to say_

Shang immediately ran out of the bathing room where he found Mulan standing in front of the window looking out the balcony. She was slowly changing into her warrior uniform and Shang watched in awe. Suddenly she turned around to face him, as if she knew he was there the entire time. Mulan sighed and slowly made her way to Shang, who was near the door. She stiffened up a bit and looked him in the eyes. "So," she told him. "If there is anything you need to say, say it now. Say what you need to say." Mulan then sighed and waited for Shang to try and convince her to back out of it and to stop her.

Shang smiled and grabbed her hand, "Have faith. All your problems can be solved. You can do this." Mulan looked at him in awe and smiled as she took in the only inspirational words he ever said to her. Shang opened the door for her and gestured for her to go. "Go on soldier. I'll be right behind you, I promise."

_Walking like a one man army_

Mulan sighed as she walked out the door, but before she did, she gave Shang a hug. Mulan then stiffened up and marched down the corridor. She walked until she reached the back palace grounds where she met up with Lord Wang. Even though she was alone, she felt the security of an army. But Mulan herself was the army.

_Fighting with the shadows in your head_

She stood there for a moment and closed her eyes to compose herself. Mulan then mentally removed all her problems and all the doubt she had within herself. She erased all the words people have said about her over the years that doubted her strength, her honor, and capability. "They're just shadows," Mulan told herself as she breathed in. Mulan then took a few more minutes to compose herself, before she opened her eyes and told Lord Wang that she was ready to take on whatever challenge. As they readied the field for her challenge, Mulan looked around for a familiar and comforting face. Her heart sank as she saw no one, but when a throat cleared from behind her, Mulan immediately turned around and smiled when she saw Yao, Ling, Chien-Po, and Shang standing behind her with proud expressions on their faces.

_Living on the same old moment_

Mulan watched as they set up new training equipment, which Mulan realized called for inferior training techniques. She smirked knowing she could go past this faster than she went through Shang's training and without even breaking a sweat. Even Shang grinned as he looked at the set up on the field.

_Knowing you'll be better off instead if you could only say what you need to say_

Mulan turned around to face Shang, who smiled and told her reassuringly, "Be a man."

Mulan smiled and nodded. She then backed off, much to the surprise of everyone around her, who was wondering what she was doing. Mulan then charged towards the field and flipped onto the tall pillars with her hands on the first pillar and her feet in the air. She did a few flips across the pillars, stunning everyone.

Mulan then jumped onto the bars and swung from bar to bar until she reached the circular stones below her. She then quickly hopped in and out of each of the holes of the circular stones, showing her good footwork.

Mulan then found herself standing in front of a large pole and smirked at Shang, who laughed knowing what she was thinking. Mulan then grabbed a sash within her uniform and quickly scaled the pole. She then grabbed her bow and an arrow and shot the arrow to the tree across from her. On the string, she slid down and found herself standing in front of hot coals and stones for her to stand upon to get across the molten area. Instead however, Mulan removed her shoes and skipped the stones and stepped on the hot coals without wincing or showing any sign of weakness or pain, much to the surprise of everyone watching. She then smiled and asked Lord Wang, "Am I strong enough for you now? Or would you like me to go through this again? I think I even did it record time," Mulan turned to Shang, "Would you agree General?" Shang then laughed and nodded. She then looked at Lord Wang and boldly said to him, "I am much more than you think, and even better."

Lord Wang seethed and responded, "You may have passed the training section, but there is still the combat part."

"That was the training section?" Ling asked loudly. "That looked like a warm up section to me," he laughed, along with Yao, Chien-Po, and even Shang, who tried to hide his amusement to prevent from further insulting Lord Wang.

Mulan made her way to the stone cobble and stood in the center of it waiting for her opponent. From the shadows six large men appeared and entered the rectangular fighting area to fight Mulan.

"Six men?" Shang yelled angrily at Lord Wang. "You are sending your best men, big buff men to fight her?"

"Shut up Shang!" Mulan growled. "I can handle it."

Mulan then immediately got into fighting stance and looked at the position of each of the men around her. Each one filled up the edges of the area, thus preventing her from escaping. However, Mulan couldn't help but smile.

Suddenly, and without warning all six men started to charge at her. Mulan then quickly flipped over them to avoid being surrounded. They then turned around and two men reached her before anyone else. Mulan immediately kicked one of them in the chest, which sent him knocking down two other men. As for the other three, Mulan slid down and swung her legs around to knock down one man, as she did with Shan Yu. She then punched him in the face and gut while she was down there. Mulan then stood up and uppercut the two other men from behind. She then sighed and breathed in and out slowly as she watched the men groan in pain. They were then taken away by servants.

"Are we done here?" Mulan asked Lord Wang. "I'd love to finish these treaty arrangements."

Lord Wang shook his head, and gestured for six other men to come in. By groups of six, they all came in and Mulan fought them off in the same way, using techniques Shang taught her and the fighting style her father showed her.

"How many men are you going to send at her?" Shang yelled at Lord Wang. "This isn't a fair contest anymore."

"I am simply testing her stamina and fighting ability. Each one of these men fights differently. Plus," Lord Wang replied slyly, "I want to see how long she will last in battle. She is after all your best soldier, so she must be able to fight off hundreds of men in battle!"

"Yes," Shang argued, "But she has comrades by her side! You are asking her to fight a hundred to one. This is no longer a fair fight."

Mulan coughed and took in a couple of deep breaths as she looked around at the men piled around her. She sighed as she stood there. Mulan was getting tired and everyone knew that she had proven herself more than worthy.

"Lord Wang," Mulan asked him tiredly, "I've fought at least a hundred men. Have I not proven myself?"

Suddenly one of the men high kicked Mulan in the head, swiftly knocking her down to the ground. For a moment Mulan stood there cold and knocked dead, numb by the hit and fall. Shang watched in horror as Mulan lay there still. The man who knocked her down immediately got his elbow ready to force into her stomach, and before he could fall down and do so, Shang immediately ran to tackle the man to the ground. In anger, Shang punched the man's face until blood covered half of Shang's fingers.

Shang then wiped his blood on the man's shirt and ran to Mulan. He turned her over and found her eyes still open. She slowly moved her gaze from the sky to Shang's eyes. She smiled faintly at him. "I thought I made you promise not to come out here and help me," she whispered weakly.

Shang sighed, "What can I say? Human nature overcame me."

Mulan smiled feebly, "I wasn't finished yet. I was ready to take on the rest of them, even if it meant the entire town. I'm sorry I failed you."

Shang shook his head stubbornly, "_Have no fear for giving in. Have no fear for giving all of it._ Plus, you did well and if Lord Wang doesn't agree to it, I will send our armies down here to fight him, because they are after all, better trained and well suited for the job. And you have proven that you fight better than a hundred men."

Mulan laughed weakly and started to close her eyes.

"No," Shang yelled, causing Mulan to open her eyes again, "Don't do this to me!"

Mulan chuckled, "Shang, I'm fine, I promise. Just…"

"Just what Mulan?" Shang asked her.

_You better know that in the end, it's better to say too much than never to say what you need to say again._

Mulan kept coming in and out. She fought her hardest to stay awake. Mulan tried focusing on the area around her, on her parents, on her baby, and on Shang, but it was getting hard to do so. "Shang," Mulan said weakly. She sighed, not knowing if these would be her last words. "I…I love you."

_Even if your hands are shaking and your faith is broken_

Shang held Mulan in his arms. His hands shook with fear, with anger, with pain as he watched her. "No," he whispered to her. "Wake up! Don't close your eyes on me."

"I'll be fine," she reassured him. Mulan smiled faintly at Shang and gently caressed his face. Then she closed her eyes and fell limp in his arms.

_Even as the eyes are closing, do with it with a heart wide open._

Shang grimaced and shed a few tears as he held Mulan in his arms. He was certain that she would eventually wake up, but after suffering two head injuries, Shang wasn't sure if she would be okay. Plus, their baby would be suffering the consequences and had a chance of not surviving now.

"Well General Li," Lord Wang said to him, from behind. "Fa Mulan has proven to be exceptional. I will agree to send my men as promised. I am especially impressed with her fighting and strength. I hope to see the same progress in my men. When would you like me to send them? Actually why don't we talk about this in our meeting room?"

Shang gently put Mulan back down on the ground. As he stood up, anger and hate raged inside him. He then turned around to look Lord Wang in the eyes. Anger filled Shang's eyes and Lord Wang looked nervously at Shang and cowered a bit when he turned around.

"General Li," Lord Wang responded, "Do not be angry with me. I can get Fa Mulan to the finest doctors and get her…"

Shang then punched Lord Wang in the face, knocking him to the ground. He then picked up Mulan and walked away.

_Say what you need to say _


	10. I'll Stand By You

Chapter 10 - I'll Stand By You (Originally by The Pretenders)

"She is awake, sir," the servant led him to the medical room and gestured towards her. They both looked at her, but her eyes were closed. "Well, she was awake and she is still breathing." The servant looked to him and put a hand on his shoulder, "She's fine," he told Shang reassuringly.

Shang sighed and walked over to her bedside and sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Mulan with tears forming in his eyes. He put his head in his hand and covered his eyes with his hand. "Can you please leave us?" Shang asked the servant, and the servant nodded and departed from the room, leaving Mulan and Shang alone and giving them privacy.

"Is she awake?" Ling yelled as he entered in the room. He ran in and slid on the floor as Yao, and lastly Chien-Po followed in, causing them all to fall.

"No," Shang answered them sternly. The men, seeing how upset their General was, immediately got up. "Can you please leave us right now?" Shang asked them. The three nodded and immediately left the room, respecting his wishes for privacy. Shang turned away from the door once they left and put his head back in his hand, trying to hide his emotions.

_Oh why you look so sad?_ _The tears are in your eyes_

Suddenly Mulan's eyes fluttered open, but Shang didn't know about it. She thought she would wake up to a happier Shang, not one that was crying, but she understood his pain. Mulan tried to open her mouth to speak, but no words came from her mouth. She wanted to comfort him and reassure him that she was okay, but something told her that there was something else that was bothering Shang. "_Come on and come to me now,_" she said with a raspy, yet quiet voice that Shang didn't seem to hear. She wanted to reach over and move that hand from Shang's eyes and say, "_Don't be ashamed to cry. Let me see you through because I've seen the dark side too._" Mulan watched him with saddened eyes and fought hard to try and not cry along with him. She sighed, "_You don't know what to do…_" but slowly faded out and fell half asleep once again, weakened by her injury.

_Nothing you confess could make me love you less_

Shang sighed and dried his last tears and looked up at Mulan. Her eyes were closed, but her mouth was open, unlike when he entered. Shang shook his head; he was trying so hard to imagine she would wake up that his mind was playing tricks with him. "Mulan," Shang sighed, "There are so many things I want to tell you, so many things we haven't done, and…now, I'm losing you. And…I'm sorry," he faltered, "I haven't been completely fair to you, and I've learned my lesson after you somehow visited me, and I've kept things from you that you need to know before…or that you should know, and I completely jeopardized our chances with Lord Wang by punching him in the face after what happened to you," he chuckled. "So your fighting was a complete waste, and I just honestly don't know what to do now. And…I'm so sorry Mulan. I'm sorry," He sighed and looked down in , after hearing these words, somehow found the strength to move her hand to clasp his. Shang immediately looked up in awe, and saw Mulan smiling at him. Seeing her awake, Shang couldn't help but smile and laugh. Mulan smiled weakly at him and held his hand, "_I'll stand by you…_" she whispered.

"You're awake," Shang said with a smile on his face. He immediately leaned in to hug her and Mulan hugged him back. "I swear I will hurt Lord Wang so badly. When you were knocked unconscious I punched him straight in the face, knocking him down so hard, I would have gone and punched him a couple of times more for allowing that to happen to you but I knew you needed immediate medical attention. Man, seeing you now, I just want to strangle him and…" Shang growled, but then sighed. "You probably don't want to hear this don't you?""I'd rather you tell me how angry you are now. _Don't hold it all inside. Come on and talk to me now. _It's been a while since I've seen you and talked to you. I love listening to your voice. Besides, _what you got to hide? I get angry too,_" Mulan laughed, and then grimaced and put her hand to her head.

"Mulan," Shang immediately got up and knelt down by her bedside to make sure she was okay. "Are you okay? Does it still hurt?"

Mulan sighed and took in a deep breath. "No, I'm fine," she assured him. Mulan smiled as she looked at Shang. "I already said yes Shang; you don't need to ask me to marry you again."

Shang laughed and stood up.

Mulan smiled and slid to the right side of the bed. She patted the empty part of the bed and gestured for him to sit next to her. Shang smiled and lay beside her. He then put his arms around her and Mulan leaned on him and sighed. She put her arms around him as well. "You know when we go back home we can't do this, right? My parents certainly wouldn't approve, well except Granny Fa."

Shang chuckled, "Well you'd be surprised," he confessed. "I really did miss you while you were out."

"Well I'm fine now," Mulan sighed, "And I think we should talk to Lord Wang so we can finally depart from this horrid place. I want to go home. Though I will miss sharing a room with you," she and Shang laughed. Mulan sighed and immediately rose from the bed, but grimaced as she did. Shang immediately got up and went to her side to help her off the bed. "I'm a bit weak, but I think I can handle myself," she smirked at Shang.

Shang sighed, "You always were so strong," he lifted her up and walked with her towards the conference hall to meet Lord Wang, "if not stubborn," he muttered.

Mulan laughed, "C'mon General. It's time to take down Lord Wang one last time."

…

"Ah Consul Mulan," Lord Wang happily greeted her as she entered the room, "It is nice to see you finally woke up and are fine. I just wanted to inform you that the deal is still on."

Mulan angrily glared at him and swiftly took out her sword in one swift movement. The guards immediately surrounded her with their weapons aimed at her. Shang stiffened up and immediately got into fighting stance to fight by her side.

"Stand down men," Lord Wang ordered them, "I believe Fa Mulan has fought more than enough while here." He chuckled cynically, much to Shang's anger.

Mulan angrily marched over to Lord Wang with her sword clenched tightly in her hand. Shang fought laughter as he watched Lord Wang trembling with each step Mulan took. Mulan looked at the scared man and angrily threw at him a scroll, which made Lord Wang ducking under the table because he thought it was a weapon. Mulan impatiently sighed and boomed, "Sign the contract or I will call upon the Emperor to send his troops. Hurting his Consul, not to mention the Heroine of China, and General Li Shang will bring great riot upon all of China, including the sending of troops to make sure you are gone from your power. So I highly suggest signing it, _now_."

Lord Wang immediately got up from under the table and shakily signed it without even looking. His advisors immediately tried to grab the scroll from Mulan, protesting that they had not even looked at it. Mulan, to silence them, immediately waved her sword in front of them and his advisors ducked in fear.

"Thank you Lord Wang," Mulan answered him sternly. "We will be leaving now, and no, I did not find my stay here satisfactory at all." She smirked and walked out of the room without any expression on her face. Shang, who was trying to hide the smile of pride on his face, immediately ran after Mulan. As soon as they turned the corner of the hall, Mulan sighed weakly and put her arm out against the wall to hold herself up. She breathed slowly to compose herself.

Shang smiled and walked over to Mulan. He took her hands and placed them on him so she could stand on him. Shang then up his hands on her shoulders to help her stand up straight. "I know how much strength it took for you to stand up to Lord Wang after what happened, I know how much physical strength it took for you to stand up there alone and unwavering and giving them the idea that you were stronger than ever, I know how much emotional strength it took to hold back your anger and not attack Lord Wang, and more importantly I know exactly just how strong you are in the face of adversity and in the face of men in a courtroom just wanting to tear you apart," he gently lifted her chin to let her look him in the eyes. "I am so proud of you."

Mulan smiled, "You don't know how long I've been waiting for you to say those five words."

"It's six words," Shang corrected her.

"Well I didn't really care for the 'so', and when you're training under the meanest Captain, you'll take every complement you get," Mulan smirked. "Besides, I need a big strong man to be by my side. I can't always fight by myself and I'm sure my teacher can show me a few more moves himself."

Shang smiled and took her hand to lead her to the stables, "Don't worry soldier, _I'll stand by you_."

* * *

**Author's Note:** Well I really wanted the other chapter to work, but it was pretty confusing. Anyways, I know this is a super short chapter, but I hope you guys enjoy it! I'll update soon! Please Review!


	11. I've Hurt Myself By Hurting You

Chapter 11 – Hurt (by Christina Aguilera)

"Is the deal over?" Ling asked Shang as he entered the stables.

"He said no, didn't he?" Yao asked. He sighed, and muttered, "Well at least we're leaving now. Father won't be happy."

"Father?" Ling, Shang, and Chien-Po asked him.

"Yeah, the Emperor," Yao answered them as if they should already know, "He is after all our father-in-law."

The three shook their heads. "Well what are we going to tell the Emperor?" Chien-Po asked Shang. "He will not be happy with how things turned out."

Shang smirked, "I have a feeling he will." He gestured to the shadows. From behind him a figure approached them, and move from the dark to the light stunning them all.

"Mulan?" They all asked in awe and suddenly ran to hug her. "How did you make Lord Wang change the deal?"

Mulan and Shang shared a look. Shang smiled and answered them, "Let's just say Mulan finally let all her anger out and calmly threatened Lord Wang to sign the deal. With a few sword tricks and mean looks, Lord Wang willingly signed and agreed to it." Shang then smiled proudly at Mulan and reached for her hand, "I'm so proud of her."

"Okay lovebirds," Yao growled. "Let's leave now. I want to be home by sunset."

They all boarded their horses and Mulan brought her horse closer to Shang's and smiled. "Shang," she said softly. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course," he smiled, "What is it?"

"Shang, tell me the truth," she sighed, "What happened in Qui Gong?"

Shang's eyes widened. His breathing became short and he stared at Mulan in awe. _If she remembers Qui Gong, then she must remember our fights, the mission, and more importantly…my proposal. Then that must mean she knows that everything I've told her about my wife is a lie…_ Shang shook his head to silence his thoughts and worries. He looked away from Mulan and whispered, "Not right now Mulan, I'll tell you later," he half lied and rode the rest of the way thinking about how to break the news to her, but more of how to change the subject.

* * *

"Well done General," The Emperor smiled proudly at Shang. "I am pleased to hear that this mission was actually successful, unlike your first mission as General."

Shang frowned, "Sir, with all due respect that was 5 years ago. Can we please put that all behind us?"

"Your Majesty," Mulan stepped forward, "I will take all responsibility for the failure of the mission in Qui Gong. Do not keep blaming this on General Li."

"But Fa Mulan," The Emperor argued, "Your beloved General Li was leader of the mission, was he not? He should have assured that everything was under control. The mission should have been his first priority, not making sure that you were saved from marriage to the prince of Qui Gong, and leaving you all for him."

Shang, Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po stared in horror and stood there numb. They all looked at Mulan wondering how she would respond. The three looked at Shang, who looked back wondering how he would solve this.

Mulan didn't even turn back to look at Shang. "This was five years ago, wasn't it?" she asked the Emperor.

Shang winced knowing that she was probably piecing everything together.

"Was it that long ago that you couldn't even remember what good came from it? Lord Chin did agree to the deal, despite the fact that the marriage did not happen. Your daughters were happily married anyway to men they love. Do not say that the mission did not work," Mulan seethed. "I fell into a coma just trying to get this other mission to be complete. I…we have been nothing more than your faithful servants, and nothing less."

"Mulan," Shang whispered and put a calming hand on her shoulder.

"You," she seethed at him, "We'll talk later about your lies."

Shang groaned and looked pleadingly at the Emperor, begging with his eyes for his forgiveness for Mulan's suddenly bluntness.

"You're right Consul Fa," The Emperor told her. "Though I am angered by your outburst, I will overlook that due to all you've done for me, China, and my family. Leave now."

Mulan bowed and immediately stormed out of the throne room, with Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po staring at her as she left. Shang sighed and ran after her apologizing to the Emperor as he left. He followed her to the stables, where he waited until they were alone to scold her. "I was proud of you for saying your mind to Lord Wang, who needed to be put in his place, but the Emperor? The man was kidding! Did you really have to yell at the Emperor?"

"I was defending you!" she screamed back.

Shang sighed, "He was kidding!"

"In case you haven't forgotten, I'm pregnant! I do get angry easily" Mulan argued, "I've had a couple of bad days and you aren't making it any better! And why did you lie to me?" Mulan asked him angrily. "I want to know the truth!"

"Not now Mulan," Shang growled.

"Then, when Shang?" Mulan yelled. "When will it be time? When I find out the truth? Or are you going to lie to me about that as well? Why did you lie to me? I don't understand. If anything, you are the only person I can trust. Why did you lie to me?"

Shang looked away, "Let's go home Mulan," he whispered and boarded his horse.

Mulan looked in anger at him and asked him quietly as she watched him ride away, "Why would you do that to me?"

* * *

"You're home!" Fa Li happily greeted them as they entered the house. She watched as Mulan and Shang walked in silence and didn't answer her. "How was the trip?" Fa Li sighed, "What happened between you two?"

"I'm going to my room," Shang told no one in particular, "I need some rest."

"Or maybe you just need more time to think up more lies," Mulan retorted.

"Well maybe you can get some rest from all the yelling and fighting you've been doing," Shang yelled back.

"Enough!" Fa Zhou boomed and split up the both of them. "I don't know what you two are fighting about, but you two need to calm down, or talk about it at least. What is wrong?"

Mulan sighed and started to cry, "I can't believe you Shang! I trusted you, with my life, and I find that you've lied to me? Have you lied to me about everything? I don't know what you've said to me is true, and what is a lie. I just hope that your feelings for me were actual the truth and not lies you said to keep your story going." She dried her tears and ran to her room, and slammed the door.

Shang sighed and looked away from her parents and retired to his room.

* * *

"_Son," General Li said softly._

"_Father?" Shang immediately looked around until he spotted a figure in the distance. He immediately ran to the figure until he could see his face. "Father," Shang said with a smile and ran into his arms to hug him. "I've missed you."_

"_As have I my son," he said and returned his son's hug. "What are you doing with yourself?"_

"_I'm lost father," Shang sighed. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what my goal is. I've lost all touch with myself. I need you."_

"_My biggest regret is not being there for you son," General Li confessed. "I wasn't there for you whenever you needed me. I always left you to figure out things on your own. I wasn't very good at giving advice. I was good at just figuring it out for myself, whatever the risk. And I couldn't do that to you, because if I made a mistake then it would hurt you as well. So, I always turned you to your mother, and what did that do for you?"_

"_It made me stronger father," Shang told him proudly. "It made me the man I am today. It made me take the pain like a man."_

"_Would your mother say that? Because of me, you're so cold, centered within yourself, and…you're afraid to lose and to open up to anyone," his father told him. "I'm so sorry Shang. I'm sorry I was so hard on you. I'm sorry for not being the father that I should have been, a caring, and always loving father. I was always pushing you too hard, always torturing you, but never caring or comforting you."_

"_I learned after a while father," Shang said with a smile. "When I lost you, I found comfort in Mulan."_

"_Is that so?" his father asked with a smile. "This woman…is she someone you love? Someone I know?"_

"_Yes," Shang said with a smile. "She's not just any woman father. She saved my life twice and she's Fa Zhou's daughter."_

_He chuckled, "Ah, the adventurous Mulan? I always saw some spirit in that child. We, well your mother and I, were planning on marrying you two together, but of course I made sure your career came first. I'm glad you two finally met. If not, I'm sure your mother would have pushed you towards her anyway after you finished the war."_

"_No," Shang sighed. "Mother isn't so sure about Mulan and the other two don't really like her because she joined the army."_

"_Well," his father sighed. "I'm going to have to say, whatever makes you happy my son. I'm not stopping you this time. But what are you going to do about her? Your time is running up son. You need to hurry."_

"_Why?" Shang asked worriedly._

"_Because I don't want you to make the same mistake I did when I was your age," his father told him, and Shang could feel the pain of his father's grimace._

"_And what was that?" Shang asked._

"_Losing someone you love and not realizing it until it's too late," his father told him softly and hugged him before he disappeared into the mist once again._

"_Father!" Shang cried. "Don't leave me!" _

Shang immediately jumped up startled from his dream. He groaned and put his face in his hands, with tears streaming down his face.

* * *

"What are you doing up so early?" Mulan's mother asked as Mulan walked into the kitchen.

"I couldn't sleep," Mulan confessed and looked down at her growing stomach. She sighed and looked away. "Too much trouble…" she muttered. "What's for breakfast?"

"The usual," her mother answered. "Are you going anywhere today?"

"Of course not," Mulan answered her. "Where would I go?"

"Out with Shang," her mother answered her blatantly. "Isn't that what you two do on a normal day to day basis?"

"I wouldn't dare ask him to go today," Mulan told her mother in a soft whisper. "I don't even think…" she looked out the window. Her eyes opened wide when she spotted Shang in her backyard. "What is he doing here?"

Her mother looked at her curiously, "Why wouldn't he be here? Where would he be?"

"At home," Mulan told her mother sadly, "with his mother, brother, and sister."

Fa Li crossed her arms and looked at her daughter curiously, "Why?" she asked with a disbelieving look. "I know you two were fighting, but do you really not want him here? At least…"

"Mother, I'm not asking you to scold me. But Shang shouldn't be here because," Mulan sighed as she looked at Shang from the window, "Today is the anniversary of the day his father died."

* * *

"_Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face,_" Shang whispered to his father's stone sitting in Mulan's temple.

Shang groaned as he sat in the family temple. Lately he had been having dreams about his father, dreams that turned into nightmares, and dreams where he talked with his father. He should have gone home today to be with his mother, with his brother, and maybe his sister. But he couldn't. He couldn't go back there. He had lost all touch with his family. He no longer felt the need to go to them to cry on their shoulders.  
_  
_"_You told me how proud you were but I walked away,_" he whispered to his absent mother. She was always there for him, but he walked away. Damn his pride. Damn his arrogance. And now, he couldn't go back there. It was too late.  
_  
_"_If only I knew what I know today,_" Shang said to his father, and tried to hide his falling tears. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, "I'm sorry I wasn't there."Mulan looked worriedly from her window at Shang, as she tried to hold her tears inside her knowing fully well how much pain he was in. She sighed, "_I would hold you in my arms. I would take the pain away,_" she told him, even though he couldn't hear her. She wanted to help him so badly, but what could she say that would comfort him? What could she do to bring his father back? What could she do to help him at all? She grimaced and clenched her fists. "I'm sorry I can't help you," she told him.  
_  
_"_Thank you for all you've done,_" Mulan said to him, forgetting everything that happened the day before. "I would help you if I could, but I can't." Mulan knew his pain, but there was nothing she could say or do that she hadn't said before that wouldn't help. She looked at her mother and father talking in the kitchen and her grandmother who was thankfully still alive, but thanks to whom? Thanks to her for saving her father from joining the army and saving all of China, but also thanks to Shang who fought relentlessly to save China and her and train her.

Mulan looked at Shang one last time to give him privacy. She whispered one thing, as if to leave him with one helpful tip. And at that moment, she and Shang had eye contact. She looked worriedly at his red and sorrowful eyes. "_Forgive all your mistakes,_" she mouthed to him. "_There's nothing I wouldn't do _to help you."

Shang looked away from the window, to hide his crying eyes. He couldn't bear to look at her anymore and seem weak. But Mulan understood more than anyone. She was close to losing her father, but what did she do? She risked her life and risked the ultimate dishonor to save her father. But what did he do to save his father? Nothing. He wasn't even there. "_There's nothing I wouldn't do to hear your voice again _father," Shang whispered, "_Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there_."

He grimaced. He did the same with his mother. He pushed her away. "_I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do,_" Shang said to her as if she was there. When he lost his father, it was as if he lost his mother as well. "_And I've hurt myself by hurting you,_" he thought.

"_Get up Li Shang!" his father boomed._

_Shang groaned and stood up as quickly as he could. _

"_Come on son! You're weak!" His father yelled at him. "You wouldn't survive a minute out there against the Huns!"_

"_Chen!" his mother yelled. "He's only a boy! Give him a break!"_

"_No!" His father yelled. "He wants to be a Captain then he needs to start training!"_

"_At age 8?" his mother retorted. "They treat them like this in the Academy? Chen, I beg of you, let him be!"_

"_No. If he wants to be like me, he needs to be a man and come to me, not you." He yelled at her. "Shang, tell your mother you are a man now. You can handle each blow to the stomach."_

"_No Shang," his mother said worriedly. "You don't have to do this. Not yet. I'll always be proud of you! You don't have to do this yet."_

"_Mother," Shang growled. "Get out of here. You're embarrassing me."_

_His mother, who was deeply hurt by his words, immediately ran inside the house. Shang looked sadly at his father, who told him, "That's my boy. She's just afraid of you growing up. You're on the pathway to becoming a man. I'm proud of you."_

_And for the first time, Shang wondered, if his father was truly proud of him. _

Shang sighed and leaned back on the wall of the temple. "_Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit,_" he told his father. "My pride always makes me swallow my feelings. You were right, I am too afraid to open up to anyone, including Mulan, the only person who ever understood me. I won't even talk to my mother about how I feel." He wiped one stray tear, "And it's killing me to hold it inside." Shang looked at the stone as if it was his father and fought to see if he could imagine his father standing in front of him. "There are times I just want to say inside my room father, and just close the door. _Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss. _But Mulan," he laughed, "she opens the door for me. She pushes happiness and herself back into my life. She makes me forget the sadness in my life, and sometimes you. But I can't do that. I can't forget your death. I can't help feel angry and the urge to avenge your death. Sometimes, being happy feels like saying goodbye to you. I can't do that. _You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this._" Shang groaned and clenched his fists in anger. "I don't understand anymore father. _Would you tell me I was wrong? _Tell me I'm making a mistake. Tell me what I'm doing wrong. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. But why? I'm lost. I don't understand the world anymore. I don't understand what I'm doing anymore. _Would you help me understand?_" He looked to his father's stone as if he was waiting for an answer.

Shang scoffed. "It's not like you were there for me anyway. Can I at least find comfort knowing you're watching? _Are you looking down upon me?_" He shook his head.  
_  
_"I would never know," Shang bit his lip in anger. "I need you, I always needed you, and you're not here, you never were. You were always at camp and training. And when you were home you were either criticizing me or pushing me harder. I never saw comfort in your eyes, nor did you ever show me care. I was so concerned with trying to please you. I pushed away mother when she tried to help me, because I was so embarrassed in front of you. I thought I showed you how weak I was. Well now, I've taken your spot! Now you're dead and I am General! At such a young age? I was just merely 18 when I became General. _Are you proud of who I am? _Are you proud at what I've become? I'm a younger General than you were and anyone else I remember. Why? Because of you! Did you ever…did you ever care that I would have died in battle? Were you ever concerned with my safety, or were just too proud and too arrogant to even think of that? I know you could never be soft towards me, and I appreciate your harshness towards me. It helped me become a better fighter. But you were my father! My damn father! And you never acted like one! Never! Not even at home! You were my father! Why were you my training coach each moment of every day and night? And I came to you for help, I came to you for advice, I came to you so you could be a father to me…"

"_Father," Shang knocked on his father's door. "May I trouble you for a moment?"_

"_Not now Shang," his father told him sternly._

"_Well when, father?" Shang asked._

_His father angrily looked up from his desk, "I said not now Shang! What could have possibly been so important to interrupt me now?"_

"_There is an Imperial dinner," Shang said softly to his father. "The Fa family has asked me to go along with them so I could meet their daughter. Didn't you and mother want me to meet her anyway? I was just wondering if you wanted to go with…"_

"_No, and you're not going as well," his father told him sternly, looking back down on his work. _

"_What?" Shang asked incredulously. "Why not?"_

"_You are not going because I said so," he yelled back. "Besides, they're picking Captains two days from now. The threat of Hun invasion is growing closer by the day. We aren't taking any chances. They are thinking of choosing you. I don't want you to sabotage it by going to some dinner. You can meet Fa Mulan some other day."_

_Shang bowed respectfully and angrily charged out the tent._Shang threw his sword on the ground in anger. He placed his head in his hands and started to weep. Mulan, who was keeping a close eye on Shang as she cleaned up the house, immediately started to run for the back door to go to him, but her mother pulled her away. She looked back at Shang who was grieving. "_I'm sorry,_" she whispered to him.

"And even though you were never around," Shang angrily said to his father as tears streamed down his face, "_There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance to look into your eyes and see you looking back, _father…"

"_Captain!" Chi Fu yelled. _

_Shang immediately looked at the carnage on the field in front of him. "There's no way…no, he had to survive…he is here…I know he is!" _

_Chien-Po came charging up the mountain with something in his hands._

"_No," Shang thought. "No, it's not…it can't be…"_

"_The General," Chien-Po said softly to him. _

_Shang took the helmet and looked at its exterior. He looked at his reflection, and then suddenly, his father's face reflected upon the helmet's face. Shang immediately looked up and saw his father's ghost looking at him. "Father," Shang tried to say, but choked on his words. His father stared at him with a distant look in his eyes. And just like that, he faded._Shang sighed. "_I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do,_" he told his father. "I know you just wanted the best for me. But I hated you at times, and I blamed everyone, including you for everything._ And yet I've hurt myself_ in the process. But, _If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away. _I miss you father more than anything. I would tell you how angry I was with you. I would tell you what I hated about you and hope that you would become the father I want, the father I need."Shang shook his head, "But oh, it's too late. It's too late. And it's all my fault. I can't change it._ It's so out of line to try to turn back time_ when I should have done it when I had the chance."_  
_"And now," he told his father. "Now I'm hurting someone new. You were right. I'm not going to make the mistake you did." Shang looked up at Mulan.

She was standing there and looking at him, waiting for him patiently. "Are you okay?" she asked him softly, with the voice of an angel.

Shang sighed and walked over to her to hug her. He put his arms around her, and sighed. Mulan sighed sympathetically and stroked his head soothingly. "_I'm sorry_," he told her.

Mulan backed away to look him in the eyes, "For what?"

"_For blaming you for everything I just couldn't do,_" he told her. "_And I've hurt myself by hurting you. _I'm not going to make the mistake my father made with his children." Shang then looked down and gently stroked her stomach.

Mulan smiled with tears running down her face and hugged Shang as tightly as she could.

* * *

**Author's Note: Sorry, I've been really really really busy! But I hope you guys enjoy this short chapter :) Thank you thank you thank you thank you to my reviewers! I really really love seeing emails saying I got a review! They make my day! So please R&R! :) **


	12. Broken

**Chapter 11** **- Broken (by Lifehouse)** *remember lyrics/flashbacks in italics!

Shang sighed. Lately he had been thinking about how things had been going between him and Mulan. They had drifted apart, or at least he had. It was as if fighting had brought back those feelings of doubt that he felt on the way to Qui Gong. He sighed and got up out of bed and walked to the kitchen.

He walked to the breakfast table and found Mulan sitting alone at the table. This was the first time she had seen him in two weeks. Every morning it was the same, with Shang already out of the house, and by late nightfall, he would return. He had been in and out of the house, ever since the anniversary of his father's death and now they sat there in silence, both not knowing what to say. Mulan could tell he wasn't the same Shang. They looked outside and saw that the rest of her family was outside preoccupied with gardening. There was breakfast left on the table, and Mulan and Shang ate their meal in silence.

"Shang, -" Mulan started.

But Shang interrupted her, "Please not now Mulan."

Mulan looked at him angrily, "Then when Shang? I know you are going through a tough time, but you need to tell me the truth."

Shang grumbled and got up from the table.

"You can't avoid this forever Shang!" Mulan yelled as Shang ran out the back door and slammed it. She sighed and plopped her head on the table. "What are you hiding from me Shang?" Mulan sighed and thought about her proposal at Lord Wang's palace and then at her home in her favorite spot. "What could be so important that you don't want me to know?"

* * *

Shang sighed as he rode to nowhere. He felt really bad for leaving Mulan. He knew she was right. He couldn't keep it from her, especially if she would remember it on her own. "I didn't mean to go this far, but_ now I've gotten in too deep._" He sighed and wondered, "Why am I running from her? Why can't I just tell her the truth? I mean I love her right?" Shang asked himself, but for the first time he actually wasn't sure.

He rode on for hours, losing track of the time. It wasn't until the light from the sunset hit his face that he realized how long he had been riding. Shang sighed and stopped to watch the sunset, jumping down from his horse as he did so. Under the shelter of a forest tree, he sat down and watched the sunset remembering the past.

"_C'mon Mulan," Shang said with a smile and reached for her hand._

_Mulan smiled, "What is it? Where are we going?"_

_Shang smirked and led her to where the horses were drinking. He helped her get on her horse and then got on his. Shang then took one last look at the princesses and the guards. He knew they would be okay without Mulan and him being around. Plus Shang thought that he and Mulan would need some time alone. Shang reached for Mulan's hand and squeezed it. She looked at him and smiled back. "I want to show you something," he told her softly._

_Shang then took his horse and led her through several untaken paths in the forest. "I promise you'll enjoy this," he assured her._

"_Don't worry," Mulan said with laughter in her voice, "I trust you. Yet I'm not exactly sure what else you could show me that you haven't already shown me. All this scenery in Qui Gong is absolutely beautiful, don't you agree?"_

_Shang stopped and took a nice look at Mulan. He smiled as the setting sun broke through the thick leaves of the trees to shine just on her, as if she was god sent. Shang admired the way the light twinkled in her eyes, and never had he ever seen a sight more beautiful. Mulan blushed as she saw the way Shang stared at her. _

"_I agree," Shang gently answered her. _

_Mulan smirked, "Not me, the nature around us."_

_Shang laughed and jumped off his horse. He then walked over to Mulan and waited for her to jump down. Shang reached for her hand and then put another hand over her eyes. "Speaking of the nature around us, I have something I want to show you." As they walked through the bushes, Shang could feel Mulan's smile rising on her face, and he couldn't help but feel the same joy she did._

"_Look," Shang took his hand off her eyes, "at the nature all around you." He then gestured to the nature behind him. He watched and waited for Mulan's face to turn from a small smile into a large grin, but instead her smile weakened. Curious, Shang turned around wondering what was the cause her sudden unhappiness._

"_The mountains," Mulan said with false happiness, "they certainly are beautiful…" she said with her voice trailing off._

"_What?" Shang immediately turned around and looked at the view behind him. He frowned. But then an idea hit him. "Wait here," he told Mulan. He then left her to get their horses. He brought her horse to her and told her to get on. Shang then got on his horse._

"_Do you see it now?" Shang asked her._

"_See what?" Mulan asked him curiously._

_He brought his horse closer and brought her in closer. "Right there," Shang gestured to the sunset in between the mountains. "That's what I wanted you to see."_

_Mulan gasped in surprise, in awe of the beautiful sunset. "It's…beautiful," she said and then reached for his hand. "I certainly have not seen anything like it."_

_Suddenly a scream could be heard from below them. Mulan and Shang watched as the princesses and the guards rode by on the carriage._

_Shang sighed and rolled his eyes, knowing that he made a mistake leaving them alone. Mulan, who felt his anguish, squeezed his hands and smiled, which somehow assured him that it would be alright. _

Shang rubbed his eyes, which took him out of his reverie. He looked at the sunset and watched as it stayed in the same position, just barely right above the horizon, in between daytime and night. He sighed. "_Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time_," he muttered. As he sat down, he looked at his grazing horse and realized that he was in the middle of nowhere with no tent and just a sword for self defense. And though he was with his horse, he felt lonely as if he was alone in the world. And as much as he wanted to go home, he knew he couldn't.

* * *

Mulan looked at the pouring rain outside the house and secretly worried where Shang was. She wanted to run out in the rain to his mother's house and just kiss him and hope that everything would be just fine and everything would go back to normal. But instead she was at home, sitting seemingly calmly on the floor, sewing a new dress. She muttered to the absent Shang, "_I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts._" Mulan sneered at herself. She was weak. She was weak to wait for him, but her heart argued with her mind.

She took a quick glance at the door and then at the rain. "_I am damaged at best,_" she thought to herself and looked at the door again, withholding her tears,"_like you've already figured out._" She wanted to scream at Shang. She wanted to hug him and tell him not to ever leave her again. She wanted to kick him out of the house, yet she wanted him to fight by her side. Mulan didn't know what to think about Shang.

"Honestly," Mulan heard Granny Fa seethed. "I've never seen this side of him. I didn't think the boy that followed her home like a little puppy dog would end up being this man: here one day, gone the next, holding on for support, and leaving when trouble came along."

Mulan sighed and wanted to argue against that accusation, but she knew it was right.

"Now give the boy a break," Mulan heard her mother faintly say. "Not only has he recently had to deal with the loss of his father, he has had to deal with her memory loss and that isn't easy for him. I mean what if you had to remind me of the years I spent married to Zhou? It certainly wouldn't be easy and I'm sure it is frustrating to not be able to say the way he really feels for her and express it…in ways he desires to…." Her mother's voice trailed off.

"It may be frustrating," Fa Zhou answered her, "but I would have stuck with you to the very end."

Mulan sighed. It was as if her grandmother was her mind, and her mother was her heart, but her father was the voice of reason. She looked down and took a look at the dress she made. Mulan held it out in front of her to see how it looked. She sighed. It looked horrible. The dress was falling apart, sewn oddly, stitches were showing, nothing was in its proper place, _yet…_it was all together and functioning. "How ironic," Mulan thought, "just like my relationship with Shang." She smiled faintly, "yet it was all together and functioning," she thought hopefully.

Suddenly all three of them entered the room with a gloomy expression painted on their faces. Fa Li sighed when she saw the dress Mulan was looking at. "Mulan, what is that? Don't you know that dress is going to fall apart? It's all messed up and yes you may think it works for now, how long do you think that dress is going to last? Weeks? Months? A few years?"

Mulan, with tears gathering in her eyes, immediately ran out of the room.

Fa Li sighed, "What did I say now?"

Fa Zhou put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "The girl is confused. She doesn't know what to think of Shang. Just give her time."

Mulan immediately ran to her room and slammed the door shut, collapsing on the floor as she did so. She lay numb on the floor, sobbing heavily. "_I'm falling apart,_" she told herself. Mulan sat up and dried her tears, and tried to regain herself. She clutched her chest, near her heart, "_I'm barely breathing with a broken heart that's still beating._"

She looked out the window and then gently laid her head on the ground. Mulan then spoke to Shang as if he was there. "I don't know why I'm still waiting for you, hoping you'll turn around. This isn't the first time you've done this, it's the second. You've run out on me, but this time I understand why. So even though I hate you and I want to hurt you, I pray for you. My father always told me _in the pain, there is healing. I pray that you somehow find your way and be the strong rock I used to lean on. In your name I used to find meaning._ So while you're out there trying to solve the emotions of your heart, _I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on. But I'm barely holdin' on to you._"

_

* * *

_

"Mulan!" Shang yelled in horror and immediately sat up. He breathed heavily and looked around as he regained himself from his nightmare. Loved her or not, Shang cared about her, if not as his wife then his best friend. And he didn't want to hurt her this way, or hurt her at all. He sighed and lay back down on the hard ground near the fire, with his horse not too far off. He sighed and wondered if Mulan was better off without him. As he moved around to get comfortable, he tiredly muttered these words in his reverie, _"The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head..."_

"_Shang," Mulan placed a warming hand on his shoulder, "Are you alright?"_

_Shang shuddered away from her, as if he didn't want to show her his beastly side. _

"_Shang," Mulan said calmly, "You can talk to me. I won't judge you. I'm your friend." She sighed and faltered as if speaking was difficult. "I…I love you…and you can always count on me to be there no matter what."_

_Shang immediately turned around to face her, "Do you mean that?"_

"_Is it about your father?" she asked softly._

_He grumbled and turned around, "It doesn't matter. These are my problems. I shouldn't be troubling you."_

"_Shang," she sighed, "May I remind you that I came close to losing my father as well?"_

"_But you didn't," he retorted. "You saved his life. Now he's alive thanks to you, and what do I have to say for myself? I wasn't there in time. I wasn't there."_

"_It wasn't your fault…"_

"_Yes it was!" He screamed at her, but Mulan didn't fall back or back away from him. Instead she moved in closer and gently caressed his face with her hand. He sighed, "I should have been there. I should have fought alongside him….I should have…"_

"_There is a reason for everything," she told him. "You did what you could. Frankly, I'm glad you weren't out there on that battlefield and instead giving me hell back at camp. There is no use in 'should haves' Shang. What is in the past cannot be changed…"_

Shang opened his eyes and grumbled. He was fighting his dreams once again, except they weren't dreams. They were flashbacks, nightmares from the past. He rolled onto his other side to try and get a better and more comfortable sleeping position. And as he closed his eyes, he found himself dreaming of the past once again.

"_I…I feel different around her," Shang explained to his mother and other siblings, who looked at each other uneasily. "I tried my best to be guarded, but it's like…I'm an open book instead."_

_His mother looked to his brother and sister for support on the matter, but they just shrugged. She sighed and put a hand on his shoulder, while trying to find the correct words to say. "Listen, Shang," she said slowly, "She isn't exactly…how should I put this…traditional, in the proper society's sense."_

_Shang looked at her crossly._

"_Mother's right Shang," his sister continued. "I mean, she's not even of noble status. I mean father's money, your inheritance…"_

_Shang growled, "It will fairly go to the Li family still. Brother is the oldest still. And a fair share will still go to me and to him."_

"_Shang," his brother sighed, "Can't you choose another woman?"_

"_I don't see any reason to," Shang retorted. "She's unmarried…"_

"_That's a surprise," his mother muttered."I wonder why."_

_Shang sneered and ignored his mother. "She saved my life, along with China's and yours. She is every bit more respectable than any other woman I know. And for one thing, I know she wouldn't be gossiping and spreading rumors, or badmouthing about any of you three." _

"_Shang the girl is below you," his sister contended, "You'll just be supporting her and her family."_

"_Isn't that what a husband is supposed to do anyway?" Shang argued._

"_Shang," his mother pleaded one last time, "I implore you to listen to your mind instead of your heart. What would your father say if he knew you were marrying that…that seductress?"_

_Shang immediately stood up and turned away from his family. He walked to his room to get his clothes and his father's uniform. Shang grabbed the sword and looked at it to see his reflection. He sighed. It wasn't what he wanted to do, but he knew it was the right thing. He walked out to where his family was. They looked in horror as they saw the bags in his hands, knowing what he was going to do._

_His mother cried, "Please, Shang! You don't know what you're doing!"_

_Shang looked away and walked to the door slowly. He wasn't going to say a word, but he had to say something to hopefully set straight his ethically wrong family. He sighed and faced the door, unable to look in their eyes. "A seductress? Really? Did you honestly think that I would marry a woman like that? More importantly, did you honestly believe that I, your honorable son, your respectable brother, would even consider doing that?" Shang scoffed. "I'm leaving home. It's apparent to me that I no longer have a family, who loves me, who would support me in all decisions, or would even care for my happiness." Shang opened the door and got ready to step out, but he found he had one more thing to say. "One last thing," he looked at them and said, "As for what father would think, I wouldn't have cared one bit about what father would say. Father was more a trainer than a father, yet he was more of a family figure to me than the family you three have been like. Whether or not he approved of Mulan or not, I'm not sure. But there's one thing father and I believed in: a second chance to make something out of your fallen self and all respect for a warrior, who was noble no matter what."_

Shang immediately sat up in bed. He stood up and stopped trying to fall asleep, seeing as how he would probably not get any sleep at all tonight. Mulan was always going to be on his mind. He sighed, "You said you weren't sure if you loved her," he muttered to himself. "You still unsure?" Shang asked himself. He put his head in his hands and felt the pain in his heart like a heavy burden. Shang got up and walked over to the water stream and threw water on his face, hoping to somehow calm himself down.

He looked at his reflection in the water and soon found Mulan's face blending in with his until he saw her smiling back at him. For a moment Shang felt his heavy burden being lifted up from him, and he smiled back, finding comfort in her smile. He smiled at her as if she was smiling back, "_I still see your reflection inside of my eyes that are looking for a purpose,_" he said to Mulan's reflection. He then briefly remembered her struggle with him and with herself over the past 5 years. Shang sighed, "I can see in your eyes…_They're still looking for life._" But soon her reflection faded away and he saw himself staring back at him. For a moment, he tried to bring back her face, but was unable to.

Shang sighed and looked up to the sky and asked to no one in particular, "_In the pain, is there healing?_"

_

* * *

_

Mulan sat up in bed and felt uneasiness growing with the roaring thunderstorm outside. She couldn't sleep, and her thoughts kept drifting to Shang. She sighed, "No matter how hard it is, _I'm hanging on another day just to see what you throw my way. And I'm hanging on to the words you say…" _Mulan fought tears as she remembered Shang's proposal to her, and reassured herself that Shang wouldn't leave her after that. No honorable man would. Plus, he had promised her to help her regain her memory. She whispered to him, as if he was there, "You promised me…You promised. _You said that I will be OK._"

Mulan immediately got up from her bed and slowly and silently walked over to Shang's room. She knew he wasn't there, and she wasn't expecting him to be there. Yet for some reason, she thought that by walking around, she would be able to sleep easier with some relief of some sort. Just as she was about to leave, something in Shang's bag caught her eye. She reached into his bag and found an ink picture on rice paper of the two of them. For a fleeting moment, she remembered this picture and what happened that day.

_The man painting the picture smiled at the happy couple and said, "Okay you two, I need you to stand right there in front of me where you are, smiling as happy as you can be."_

"_Did you hear that Shang?" Mulan teased. "No frowning or making any silly faces."_

_Shang laughed, "You as well." He laughed and then whispered to her, "But you can't blame me for being slightly unhappy at this being the end of my life."_

_Mulan rolled her eyes and hit him in the side with an elbow._

"_Hey, hey," the man yelled. "No moving…or killing please." He sighed, "This is, after all, the first day of the rest of your lives. We wouldn't want to spoil it with a frown or an unhappy face, especially on this picture, which hopefully you will keep for a long time."_

_Shang smiled and looked at Mulan, and gently squeezed her hand, causing her to look up and smile back at him. "Trust me," he told the man, while looking at Mulan, "I intend to."_

She smiled and sat on his bed, smiling at the picture and forgetting her anger, "_You said that I will be OK." _Mulan plopped herself on the bed, clutching the picture, and knowing that her heart was right all this time.  
Shang watched as all the city lights dimmed. He sighed, "_The broken lights on my pathway left me here alone._" For now, Shang truly felt alone and that was when he knew, he couldn't stay here tonight. He couldn't leave Mulan. He needed to go home. He needed to see Mulan. He needed to tell her the truth. More importantly, he needed to tell her he loved her.

* * *

Shang sighed and looked at the stars, "_I may have lost my way now, having forgotten my way home._" and his thoughts drifted to Mulan. "Becausemy home is where my heart is, which is with you, and I'm here alone."

He weakly got up and walked to his horse, but he was hit by fatigue from riding all day. Shang then fell to the ground, tired from everything. He looked at the road, and knew he had to go home to Mulan, but he was too tired. His horse, who saw that his master fell, immediately got up and walked over to him.

Shang looked up at his horse, but was delusional from the exhaustion. "I know just what I want to tell her," he confessed to his horse. He smiled and closed his eyes, "I'll tell her how I feel. I'll run home, grab her hands with mine, look her in the eyes and say, '_I'm falling apart _without you_. I'm barely breathing  
with a broken heart that's still beating. In the pain, there is healing _when I'm with you._ In your name I find meaning.'_" Shang yawned and lay down relaxed as his horse brought his blanket over his master.

"_So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm still holdin'," _Shang said with each tired yawn. "_I'm barely holdin' on to you."_"_I'm holdin' on, I'm still holdin'," _Shang said as he faded deeper into sleep."_I'm holdin' on, I'm still holdin'…"_

"_Mulan! Are you okay?" Shang asked as he held tightly onto Mulan as they hung under the dilapidated bridge. _

"_Hold on Shang!" she screamed in terror._

"_I'm holdin' on," Shang assured her. " I'm still holdin'," he said to her, but as he looked up at the rope tearing he knew his inevitable fate. "Mulan, it won't hold us both."_

_Mulan looked at him with teary eyes and her eyes pleaded for different words, for hope. Shang faintly smiled. Only Mulan would have faith, even in this dire situation, just as she still had faith in him that he would turn around. He would be the man she fell in love with. Shang sighed. He wasn't going to ruin her hope and faith in him. He let her hand slip a little bit._

"_I'm barely holdin' on to you!" Mulan yelled at him. "Don't let go of me!"_

_Shang winced. He didn't want to let her go. He didn't want to say goodbye, but he couldn't stand the thought of her dying, not this young, and not if he could help it. Shang loved her way too much. He knew what he had to do. It was what he wanted to do, and what his heart told him was right._

"_Mulan," Shang told her gently. He looked at her for what he believed was his last time. Shang smiled at her and admired how beautiful she looked in the sunlight. He would never get to hold her again. He would never get to kiss her again. He would never get to marry her as he wanted. He would never get to raise a family with her. He could never be her only husband, seeing as how young she was, and that she needed to marry to uphold her family honor. More importantly, he would never get to redeem himself in her eyes, and that was what hurt him the most. Shang knew he had to make this goodbye last. He winced as he loosened his grip on her hand. "I'm sorry," he said as he finally let go."I love you," he whispered to her._

"_Shang!" Mulan screamed in horror._

_Shang watched as she held out her hand for him, screaming his name. He let tears fall as he flew down to the bottom. He spent every one of his moments looking at her, knowing it would be his last._

"_Shang!" her voice rung loud in his head._

_Her voice was growing fainter with each passing moment._

"_Shang!"_

"_Shang!"_

"Shang!"

"General Shang!"

"General Shang?" the messenger got down from his horse and got closer for a good look. He leaned his head in closer to Shang's to get a better look. "General?"

Immediately Shang grabbed his neck, much to the poor messenger's horror. Once Shang regained consciousness from his dream state, and realized there was no one attacking him, he let go of the man's neck. He sighed and apologized to the poor man for attacking him.

"What are you doing out here?" the messenger asked, while going back to his horse for a scroll. "There was a storm. And why aren't you home?"

Shang sighed and slowly got up. "You aren't going to tell anyone that I was out here, are you boy?"

The messenger shook his head obediently, "No sir. But I cannot stop Chi Fu, who will undoubtedly find out somehow." He handed Shang the scroll. "This is a message from the Emperor. He requests that you show up to his meeting at the palace, alongside Consul Fa Mulan, who will most likely not wait for you to arrive. However, I did inform her of the meeting myself. I'm sure Chi Fu will mostly like wonder why you two have arrived separately and draw conclusions, which will not be good and…"

"Thank you soldier," Shang said to the messenger. The soldier then bowed and returned to his horse.

"Wait," Shang called out to the soldier.

"Yes sir?" the soldier stopped and turned to look at Shang.

"How did you find me here?" Shang asked him.

The messenger smiled, "Your wife sir. She knows you well. She told me to find you here somewhere along this road."

"How did she know this exact road? I don't even know why I chose to go down this way," Shang asked him, with a growing smile on his face.

"She said this was your way home. And she said, 'you would never forget your way home.'"

* * *

**Author's Note: **I apologize for the LONG wait! I have been very busy! But I promise I will update soon since the next chapter is very short! :) I think you will enjoy it too because (spoiler) it will come from the perspective of a very different character, someone you would never expect too! Anyways, PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW. I cannot state how happy I was to read everyone's reviews! They really made me smile, especially the long ones :) I love reading everyone's insights into the story! Thank you so much! You guys are the best! So onto the next chapter! :)


	13. Secrets

Chapter 13 - Secrets (by OneRepublic)

_"Secrets can only destroy you..."_

Chi Fu sat at the Emperor's right side as he watched the military personnel, the Emperor's advisors, and Fa Mulan…without General Li enter into the room. He looked oddly at the door and then at Fa Mulan, wondering why General Li did not enter with his wife. Mulan, who felt the weight of Chi Fu's stare, ignored him and engaged in a conversation with a messenger. Chi Fu leaned in a bit to see if he could pick up their whispers, but it was to no avail. So, the gossiping and nosy man did what he could to get to the bottom of it.

"Consul Fa," Chi Fu snapped at her, clearly showing his contempt for her taking his place. "Where is your beloved General Li? This meeting will go on without him, but it will be completely pointless without him."

Mulan looked nervously at the messenger, who nodded at her. "General Li is running a bit late," she continued.

"Why?" Chi Fu demanded for an answer. He turned and looked at the wall, trying to hide his smirk. "_I need another story,_" he thought to himself. "And Mulan and Shang are my perfect targets." He sighed internally and thought, "_My life gets kinda boring. I need something that I can confess or gossip…_"

"Calm down Chi Fu," Shang said coolly as he entered the room. "I'm here," he smirked at Chi Fu. "Did you miss me?" he teased, causing the entire room to chuckle. He walked in and looked at the members there, and when he caught no sign of Mulan, his heart dropped.

Mulan and the messenger, who stood in the shadows of the corner of the room, gave out a sigh of relief and smiled at each other.

"Have a seat General," the Emperor said and gestured towards an empty seat near him and next to Mulan, which was also empty._  
_

Shang looked sadly at her empty chair and sighed with regret painted all over his face, as Chi Fu noted. Mulan also had the same expression on her face.

"Consul Fa," the Emperor said, which caused Shang to look up. He immediately looked around the room until his eyes dwelled upon the figure to the left of him, standing calmly and looking at the Emperor. "Your seat is also open for you as well, near General Li." Mulan looked down and away from the person next to her, while Shang did the same.

"Yes sir," Mulan answered obediently.

For a brief moment, she looked up at Shang, who she found was looking at her the entire time. He didn't look away when their eyes met, and she didn't look away either. He looked at her and for a moment, he stood in awe until Mulan moved to her chair. Shang, who was shocked, numbly moved to his chair.

As he sat down, he looked down at the table and let the last five seconds rewind in his head, wondering what happened. He didn't pay any attention to what anyone was saying. "She smiled at me?" Shang asked himself. "What…why? _From all the 'truth' that I've said…_I thought she'd be mad, but I…_I swear I saw you smile._" Shang shook his head,"It couldn't have been…_no, I've been on the brink _of delusion…" He sighed. Mulan was taking the first steps again. She was meeting him more than halfway and it was time he manned up and met her halfway. Shang reached for her hand under the table, and in the corner of his eye, he saw Mulan smile. He couldn't help but smile back. It wasn't the first time she made the first move to end the fight and forgive him, even though it was clear he messed up.

"_Shang," Mulan sighed and moved closer to him. "I'm sorry. You are in charge of the mission. I should be following orders."_

_Shang turned to face her and took her hands in his. "No Mulan," he sighed, "a good leader should always be open to new ideas. Forgive me?"_

_Mulan smiled, "There's nothing to forgive." She then leaned in for an embrace. Mulan sighed happily. "Shang?"_

"_Shang?"_

"Shang!" Chi Fu's shrill voice rang loud in Shang's ears.

"What?" Shang snapped out of his flashback and sighed. "What? What is it?"

Everyone in the room looked oddly at him.

Mulan sighed and looked at Shang. He hid his face and put his head in his hands. "He…he's just a little tired."

"Tired from what?" Chi Fu asked sneeringly. "Being at home?"

Mulan sighed and chose to ignore Chi Fu and his obvious attempt at instigating anger in her.

"Well last I heard he was out on the road when the messenger found him," Chi Fu smirked, enjoying this. "How do you explain that?"

Mulan angrily growled and glared at Chi Fu with death in her eyes. She looked to Shang for support, because after all she was defending him. Yet he was looking down, and not with anger in his eyes. Shang had a somber look, and he seemed out of touch with the world around him.

"Excuse me," Shang suddenly stood up from his seat and looked down. "I need some fresh air. Feel free to continue the meeting without me. I need to clear my mind." He immediately walked out of the room.

Mulan sighed and watched him leave. "_This time, I don't need another perfect lie,_" Mulan thought. "I'm going to follow after him." She looked at the Emperor, who nodded at her, as if giving the go ahead signal. Mulan then ran after Shang. As she walked out of the room, she thought, "At this rate, _I'm gonna give all my secrets away._"

As Mulan walked and looked for Shang, she thought about everything she had been through recently. "_My God, it's amazing how we got this far,_" she thought to herself. "_It's like we're chasing all those dreams _that are coming true for you and me_…_" she stopped in mid-thought as she spotted Shang leaning against the balcony. _  
_

She slowly walked towards Shang and stood on his side, not too far from him. Mulan leaned over the balcony and looked at the beautiful scenery in front of her, and even though Shang was looking outward, she knew his heart was not here. He wasn't looking outside, he didn't need fresh air, he needed to think.

"You know every day I spend with you," Mulan started. "I…I enjoy it. I feel like I can be myself and it's okay what society thinks. I thought that when I returned home from the war, things would go back to normal. I would have to be a porcelain doll. I would have to marry someone who I didn't love. I could never be treated or respected by anyone despite what honor the Emperor bestowed upon me. But when I'm with you, I can forget that. I don't have to go back to normal. I don't have to be a porcelain doll. I can marry someone I love. I would be respected. I love you Shang, but…lately. I mean, every day I…_every day I see…all the problems that we could solve and everything that has gone wrong._"

That did it for Shang. He turned on Mulan. "Well," he yelled. "_Tell me what you want to hear! _My feelings? What do you want to hear?"

Mulan shook her head, "No Shang," she said softly. "Just the truth. What were we doing in Qui Gong? Who were those three women? Why were Ling, Yao and Chien-Po there? What are you ashamed of?"

Shang sighed and turned away from her, clenching the balcony tight with his hands. "That's just it Mulan._ I've got no reason _that is a good enough for my behavior. And as for me running away the other day, I…I've _got no_ _family I can blame._" Shang watched as Mulan's face fell. He moved over to her and took her hands in his. Shang then looked her in the eyes, "But you are right, I need to tell you the truth. _I'll tell you everything, _I promise. _This time, I don't need another perfect lie. _I'll tell you, but it won't be easy, at least for the both of us."_  
_

"Um excuse me," A soldier interrupted the two. "General Li, I have some news for you from the Emperor."

Shang groaned, "I forgot about the meeting! Is it over?"

The soldier nodded, "I'm afraid so. But he has left me with some information and a message for you." He walked over to Shang and handed him a scroll.

Shang immediately opened it up and looked in horror at the messenger. "Can't this wait? Do I have to? I mean there has to be someone else…why now?"

Mulan immediately moved over to Shang, "What's wrong?"

The messenger sighed, "I'm afraid, General Shang has been assigned for leave."

Mulan pleaded with the messenger, "But it can't be so soon right? The mission can wait right?" She watched as the messenger's face fell. "How soon is it?" she asked gloomily.

"As soon as possible," he answered her.

* * *

**Author's Note: I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT. To make it up to you amazing readers, I have decided to publish two chapters at once. THANK YOU FOR WAITING :) Please R&R!**_  
_


	14. You'll Be In My Heart

Chapter 14 - You'll Be In My Heart (by Phil Collins)

"_What do you mean you're leaving again?" Mulan asked incredulously as she and Shang ate dinner. She stood up from the table, with anger, yet her eyes held back tears and showed sadness. _

"_It's the Emperor's orders Mulan," Shang sighed, "There's nothing I can do." He reached out for her hand, but she withdrew it from him quickly._

"_You can't keep doing this!" she cried. "People…they talk…and they say I am barren and I can't have a baby, but maybe it's because you're never home. I gave up my life of adventure to be with you, I actually conceded to the life of a housewife for you. I wanted to go and fight in the war and be by your side, but you won't let me. Why? Because you said, 'I need you to be safe and take care of my family.' Well Shang, what family? You're always out and never home. Did you marry me or your job? I…I mean two weeks into our marriage you had to go on army duties. I know I need to be a good wife. And I am trying. But your absence is tearing us apart. We rarely see each other and when we do, we're always fighting. I can't live like that. I love you Shang, but you make being married to you so difficult." She finally broke down and started to cry._

_Shang immediately got up from his chair and walked over to his distressed wife. He took both her arms and wrapped it around him and he held her in his arms, rocking her gently as she sobbed into his chest. _

"_Shh," he whispered to her, as if to calm her down, "Stop crying. It will be all right." He looked down and took her hand, and put it in his. "Just take my hand, hold it tight." Shang hoped that this would calm her down just a little, but it didn't. He held her in tighter and whispered, "I am out for so many reasons. It's not that I don't want to be home, I want to keep you safe. But I promise, I will protect you from all around you. No matter where I am, just know I will be here, so don't you cry." _

_Shang chuckled, "You don't know how strong you are. You…you don't need anyone, including me, to keep you up. But that doesn't mean I won't be around to catch you when you fall. When I'm home, my arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm. No matter where I am, this bond between us can't be broken. Just remember, I will be here. Don't you cry." _

_Shang then pulled away from her a bit to look her in the eyes. Mulan's eyes were still red from crying, and tears still spilled from her eyes. Shang sighed sympathetically and wiped the tears from her eyes, "Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you. Mulan, no matter what, you'll be in my heart. You'll be in my heart from this day on, now and forever more. You'll be in my heart, no matter what they say. No matter what Chi Fu, or the Matchmaker, or the gossiping townspeople say, you'll be here in my heart, always…" _

"_You'll be in my heart, always…"_

"You'll be in my heart, always," Shang whispered, as he sat alone at the campfire.

"You miss her, don't you?" asked a soldier as he sat down next to Shang.

Normally, Shang would have been annoyed and would have walked away at the slight gesture to share his feelings, unless it was Mulan of course. However, he had been doing some heavy thinking, but not about the battlefield ahead of him, which was dangerous according to the famous Sun Tzu. And he couldn't die on the battlefield, not with Mulan pregnant, so he knew he had to clear his head somehow. Curse his pride. He had to say clear his head.

"Yeah," Shang scoffed. "And I surely didn't show that to her as I left this morning. I told her I loved her, but…I don't know. I feel like I could have done more. I didn't even get to say goodbye properly. Now who knows if I'll even see her again?"

"You're a good General, Sir," the soldier reassured, "But you should still be safe, for China's sake, for our sake, and for your wife's sake. Plus, I'm sure your wife should understand and know the life of a General's wife."

"Oh she does," Shang assured him, "but I think she didn't think it would be like this all the time. She always said to me, 'I signed up for the army, but I never signed up for a life like this.' But she's right, you know? I'm never home. I'm never around when she needs me. I don't feel like I am a good husband or very deserving of her. I…I don't know, I just know I need to change before I lose her again…"

"Now I'm not married to you," the soldier and Shang chuckled, "but I can tell you're a good man. Now I don't want to butt into your business, but it seems you and her are having some troubles in your relationship. If you could just tell her what you're telling me, I think you'll be fine. And you'll have one woman waiting for you at the doorway, with her arms wide open, wanting you in them."

Shang smiled at the man next to him, and looked him in the eyes and said, "Thank you soldier. It's Ping, isn't it?"

The soldier nodded with humbleness and responded, "The honor is all mine, sir."

Shang chuckled to himself and thought about his time with Mulan while she was masquerading as Ping. He looked at Ping for a second to make sure it wasn't Mulan in a disguise again. He looked at the man's stomach, but the darkness clouded Shang's vision, despite the light coming from the campfire. "Do…do you have a wife of your own at home?" Shang asked the man, politely, trying to keep the conversation between them.

The man nodded, "She's absolutely beautiful. I love her so much. I…I don't think I could be able to cope with living without her. You know, she has that same spunk I saw in Mulan that night at the palace, you know, when she saved us all? Mulan really convinced me to join the army, despite protests from my wife. But Mulan showed me, that nothing could stop her from doing what was right, what she believed in, and that I should protect my family and country at whatever costs. I left home to protect my wife and kids."

Shang nodded. He did the same thing. Well protect his wife and future kids. He couldn't stand to see one of his soldiers going and delivering a message to Mulan that he did not survive the battle. Shang would have most likely broken down as he watched Mulan receive the news. He only hoped she knew that.

* * *

Shang immediately sat up in bed, and looked around. He sighed as he slept alone in his tent. There were two soldiers standing guard at all times and he was safe. He turned over restlessly and groaned. Sleep was definitely not an option. His mind kept drifting back to home. He needed to be home. He didn't want to be here, and the feeling was mutual with his soldiers. Shang groaned as he plopped his head down. It was no use. He couldn't sleep.

He got up to take a walk around the camp, until he saw two shadows upon the tent. Normally, he would have thought it was either Ling or Yao, but seeing as how the three men were no longer needed in service due to their ties with the Emperor, it was Shang all alone. He got into a fighting stance and cursed the absent guards. It wasn't until he recognized their voices that he loosened up and decided to lay back down.

For a brief moment, the two guards decided to pause at his tent. Shang stayed awake and wondered why the two men were still at his tent and talking, when he was trying to sleep. But he couldn't help but hear every word of their conversation, no matter how much he tried to block it out.

"Long day huh?" the taller soldier asked the smaller guy.

A grunt came from the other soldier. "Yeah, you can bet my feet hurt. Plus being on duty isn't any better."

"Well just a few more minutes and we can wake up those other guys."

The shorter soldier chuckled, "Yeah, then I can get a good night's sleep."

There was a silence for a moment until the short soldier said, "You notice the General? He seemed kind of out of it, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, like his head wasn't here and his mind was in the clouds," the other soldier responded, "Almost as if he was homesick."

"Yeah," the other soldier agreed. "I bet he wants to get back to that wife of his. I never met her, but he decided to marry her I bet she is some…"

The rest of the sentence was incomprehensible for Shang, but after hearing the men chuckle, he couldn't help but want to go and wring both of the men by their necks. No one talked about Mulan liked that. Not on his watch.

The tall soldier sighed, "You know if I was him, and I had his title…"

"Don't forget his looks as well. The man is like a god to woman. They absolutely stare at him from behind their fans and smirk when they look at him," the other soldier interrupted.

"I was about to add that, and I'm not that bad looking…" the tall soldier said. There was silence for a moment, until he grumbled something at his fellow guard mate and then continued, "I would have chosen another woman, probably someone a lot prettier and more demure than Mulan. Less trouble that way."

"You got that right," the other soldier answered.

"Why did he marry her anyway? I don't see what is so great about her. I mean she's probably not even a good honorable wife. What does he see in her?"

"Well someone had to marry her…"

Shang grumbled and clenched his fists. He fought so hard to not get up and kill the men, but he certainly would not defend them in battle. Shang instead decided to make it seem like he was awakened by their words. He yawned loudly and smirked a bit as he saw the soldier flinch in fear. Shang then muttered loud enough for them to hear the words he said about the soldiers standing in front of his tent. The soldiers did nothing but stand in horror.

Shang decided to pretend he was speaking in his sleep with Mulan. "Mulan, I can't wait to get home to you. I am dealing with complete idiots right now. You know how much I complained about your incompetence in camp, well I have had more problems with two soldiers who I always make stand guard…"

Shang watched as the two soldiers looked at each other and quietly discussed whether it was them two.

"This is his tent?" the soldier whispered to the other. Shang watched the other soldier nod slowly.

"Do you think he heard us?" the taller soldier asked in horror.

"Nah," the other soldier assured him. "The man's probably just talking in his sleep. I hope…"

The soldiers immediately ran away from the tent. Shang watched as their shadows slowly descended. He crawled to the entrance of his tent and looked outside. Shang chuckled as he watched the soldiers pace nervously around the campfire. "Mulan would have laughed at this," Shang said to himself. It seemed as if Mulan was actually more accepting of what people muttered about her, while Shang himself just couldn't right with people talking about her that way, even if Mulan could handle it. It just wasn't right, yet what exactly could he do. Mulan was always so strong, and it seemed he wasn't. It was only a day and he was already missing her.

Shang thought about what the soldiers said about her. Why did no one seem to accept the woman who saved them all? Maybe centuries from now, other people would honor and celebrate this woman's bravery, instead of looking at her flaws and dwelling upon her defiance of Chinese society. Living with Mulan was definitely more than he expected, but he wouldn't have traded their time together for the world. He loved spending time with her. He loved her. So why were the soldiers so blinded by her dishonor? Why didn't anyone look past and see the real person he loved? More importantly, w_hy can't they understand the way we feel? _She meant more than the world to him, yet no one seemed to understand that. They wondered how could someone with strong sticking to honor and tradition would want to marry someone so fickle and untraditional, someone who didn't actually display honor or fit within Chinese society. But it's that _they just don't trust what they can't explain. _But he loved her, no matter what. They were different people but Shang knew deep inside that they weren't that different at all.

* * *

Mulan sat on her bed staring out the window. She sighed and wondered where Shang was, and if he was thinking of her. She thought about their parting this morning and wished that it would have ended differently. She wished she was out there on the field with him, and not at home. Yet Shang was right, she couldn't risk the life of her child. However, as stubborn as she was, she had to argue with him.

The memories were coming back to her again. Just today, she remembered traveling in bandit country on the way to Qui Gong. However, the one thing that stayed so vividly in her mind was the words that Mushu said to her, "But you and Shang are just so different…"

Her father had told her though, "Differences make you stronger…"

Mulan sighed, "But he didn't realize that Shang and her were just too different."

Even though Mushu had showed that Mulan and Shang were different, it was nothing they couldn't work out. But they were so different… Mulan looked out the window and wished that Shang was here. Different or not, she still loved him.

"Shang," she said as if he could hear her, "_I know we're different but, deep inside us we're not that different at all…_"

She lay down in bed and clutched her blanket. She whispered, as if Shang was beside her, saying, _"You'll be in my heart. Yes, you'll be in my heart from this day on now and forever more._"

As Mulan lay in bed, she thought about all the obstacles Shang also had to go through. Even though she was the one who disgraced herself, it was as if being her friend disgraced Shang as well. They didn't understand why he loved her. And she didn't realize it until she saw the pain in his eyes as Chi Fu degraded her. "Ease your troubles," she whispered again, "_Don't listen to them 'cause what do they know? We need each other, to have, to hold. They'll see in time, I know..._" she said as she drifted off to sleep, and thoughts of the night Shang followed her home.

"_Well," Shang said as they sat underneath the cherry blossom tree, "I must be leaving."_

"_Oh," Mulan said, unhappily. "Well hopefully I will see you again soon."_

_Shang smiled and reached for her hand, "You will, I know so. I would have loved to have taken your grandmother's offer of staying forever, but I need to see the Emperor. With my father gone, I…I have to take his place…"_

_Mulan gently squeezed his hand, "I think you'll make a fine General. Destiny calls, just be strong."_

_Shang sighed, "I…I just don't think I can do this alone. I…I miss him, you know?" And for the first time, since his father's death in the mountains, Shang shed a few tears._

_Mulan leaned in and hugged him, "He may not be with you, but you've got to hold on. Be strong. Besides, he will always be with you." She pulled away from him and pointed to his heart, "in there, where I will be always. I'll be there, always. I promise." _

Mulan sighed and sat up in bed and looked out the window, "Even though I want you to be home, I always want the best for you, no matter what. So _when destiny calls you, you must be strong._"

* * *

Shang woke up and looked tirelessly up at the ceiling of his tent. Mulan was right, he was never around. He reached into his bag and held onto his half of the necklace and then looked at Mulan's. "_I may not be with you, but you've got to hold on strong_ at home." He sighed and thought about what the soldiers said and what everyone said. "I love you," he said to Mulan as if she was there, "And _they'll see in time, I know. We'll show them together…_"

* * *

Mulan lay sleepily in bed and looked over at the picture of her and Shang. She missed him so much, and prayed to the ancestors that she would soon fall asleep. She smiled as she clutched onto the cape that he had given her many years back. She missed him so much, and it seemed no matter where he was, she knew that she would always love him.

She sighed and whispered as she drifted slowly to sleep, "_Believe me, you'll be in my heart. __I'll be there from this day on, now and forever more. You'll be here in my heart, no matter what they say. _And no matter where you are, _I'll be with you. Always…"_

* * *

Shang sighed as he walked through the campsite early in the morning. He smiled at the efficiency of his soldiers. It was almost as if they were never there. However, there was just one solider left still packing his stuff, Ping. His mind quickly drifted to thoughts of Mulan. He sighed as he fingered his necklace, "_You'll be in my heart,_" he thought to himself. He then thought again about the night he followed her home, and before he left for the Imperial palace to become a General…

"_I'll be there, always. I promise," Mulan told him with a smile._

"_Promise?" Shang said with a smile. _

"_Always," Mulan smirked. "Now you're going to be tired if you don't go soon. You need a good night's rest. I'll still be here."_

"_Promise?" Shang teased._

_Mulan punched him, "Go already!" She watched as he walked out of the garden. "Wait!" she yelled and Shang turned around. Mulan ran up to him and looked at him with a lopsided smile. She hugged him tightly and then pulled apart. "I'll be there for you always, always and always. Remember that. Just look over your shoulder, like as if we were in the army. Just look over your shoulder. I'll be there causing trouble as usual."_

_Shang laughed and gently kissed Mulan on the lips._

"_Just look over your shoulder."_

"Just look over your shoulder."

"Just look over your shoulder," he remembered as he boarded his horse. He gestured for the men to follow him. "Just look over your shoulder," he told himself.

Shang turned around and looked behind him.

Ping, his companion on the journey, smiled and saluted his General.

Shang smiled to himself.

_I'll be there always. _

* * *

**Author's Note: **I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! The next chapter I publish is my favorite so far. I'm still tweaking it up, but it will be done soon! Thank you to everyone who reviewed, and I-Love-Mulan, thank you so much for the message! I really needed to get back to writing. I've been so busy, and my english teacher is killing me and bringing me down. But I know I can always please you guys :) Thank you so much to those who read my stories, and special thanks to all you amazing people who have reviewed my story :) YOU GUYS MAKE MY DAY!


	15. Faithfully

Chapter 15 - Faithfully (Originally by Journey)

_"You can't be serious!" Shang groaned. "Mulan, you're pregnant! You cannot come with me! This mission requires men at their strongest, men who are veterans, the strongest soldiers. You are in no way meeting those requirements with another human being in you. Think about your own safety, if not, the baby's."_

_Mulan looked away, "And right when we were finally working things out." She sighed, "I guess this means you'll be on the road again." She held back her tears and ran out of the stables._

_Shang sighed and ran after her, "Mulan!" He sighed and caught up with her. Shang grabbed her arm and turned her to look at him. "Don't leave me…"_

"_Why?" Mulan scoffed. "It's not the first time you've done it to me."_

_Shang sighed and looked away. She was right. It definitely wasn't the first time, and he didn't know exactly what she remembered, but there were plenty of times he did that to her. And the reason why she lost her memory was because he had left her. _

"_I'm sorry," Mulan whispered. "You didn't deserve that."_

"_No I did," Shang answered her. "You're right. Right now, and definitely back then, I haven't been very deserving of you. I leave when the times get rough. I'm never around. But there is one thing I am, that I hope means something to you. I am and will always be faithful to you, no matter what. That I promise." He came in closer and Mulan put her arms around him for a hug. Then unexpectedly Shang brought her face in closer for a kiss. He could feel her tears falling from her face._

_Mulan pulled away from him and dried her tears, "Please, just go."_

_Shang sighed, "Please, don't be mad at me. You know I want to be here with you."_

_Mulan looked away and bit her lip, to stop herself from snapping._

Shang waited there and looked at her, hoping the expression on her face would soften, but it never did. He sighed and gently kissed her on the cheek and walked towards his horse. Despair hit him with each step. He fought the urge to look back, because he knew it would only make him miserable. So he ran into the sun, while Mulan looked despairingly at his figure, slowly fading into the sun.

Shang sighed. He looked up at the rising sun as they traveled along the road. It was another day of traveling. Day 10 to be exact. He bit his lips and forced himself to move forward. "_Highway run into the midnight sun. We go on and on. You're on my mind._" It was hard for Shang to concentrate, with Mulan on his mind again. He looked up at the moon and sighed. He wanted to go home. It was late at night once again, and he was pushing forward, eager to finally meet the battle ahead of him because it would be sooner that he could go home. He could hear the groans of his soldiers as they kept walking.

"Okay men," he said sternly. "We're stopping here for tonight. Unpack quickly. We'll be up again in the morning." He jumped off his horse and got his supplies out of his bag. Shang then led his horse to a resting place near the place he would rest for the night. The two guards from a few nights ago quickly moved out of the way as he walked by. Shang smirked to himself and set up his tent. After sitting in his tent and thinking of a few more strategies, he decided to take a break and relax by the fire.

As he sat down alone at the fire, he noticed a few soldiers walking into the campsite with a few ladies of the evening. Shang glared at the men and angrily said, "What do you men think you are doing?"

A few of the men looked down. One of the braver men said, "What does it look like sir?"

Shang shook his head, "Not here you aren't. Escort those ladies back."

"We've been on the road for 10 days," one of the men groaned. "Without any women, may we remind you. You can get a really nice lady as well sir."

A few of the other soldiers walked out of their tents to see what the commotion was about.

"I would never be unfaithful to my wife, no matter how lonely I felt," he scowled. Shang growled and gestured for the men to go before he killed them all. He waved them away as if he didn't want to see them. The men then quickly walked to their tents. Shang sighed and looked at the fire, trying hard to just relax. Ping immediately sat adjacent to him.

"It's disgusting, isn't it?" he grumbled.

Shang nodded. "And the worst part is, those men have faithful wives at home."

Ping nodded, "I know you miss her. I bet she's thinking of you right now. Both your _restless hearts sleep alone tonight._" He got up and patted Shang on the back. "Try not to stay up too late sir. If you don't get any rest, you won't be able to see your wife again." Ping then walked back to his tent.

* * *

Mulan sat and cried by her window. "_Restless hearts sleep alone tonight,_" she said tearfully. She sighed and wondered when Shang would come back. Mulan knew it could be anywhere from a few days to a couple of years. She didn't know how much longer she could be like this.

"_Sending all my love along the line,_"She looked to the stack of scrolls she had laid upon her desk. Each one was a letter written to Shang, while he was gone. She had been keeping all the letters that she had written to him. Some were just a line or two. Someday she would send them, but as of now, she kept them with her.

She dried her tears and looked out the window. It was almost as if each day she had cried more and more. Maybe it was because she missed him, or maybe it was because she never got to say goodbye properly. Either way, she regretted it because now she wasn't sure if she would ever see him again.

But she couldn't live this way, not with Shang always out on the road. "_They say that the road is no place to start a family," _she thought to herself._ "But right down the line it's been_ _you and me._ Even if you've been gone for so long, I know I can always count on you. But _loving an army man isn't always what it's supposed to be…_"

_"Oh that Li Shang!" her mother exclaimed as she walked into the door from the garden. She had just said goodbye and Mulan could tell that her parents were impressed with him after meeting him. Mulan rolled her eyes as she listened to her mother go on about him. "He's so wealthy and kind, and he doesn't seem to think like many of the men do. Oh he'd make the perfect husband for Mulan! He was so smitten with her…"_

_Mulan blushed. She didn't think her parents noticed it as well. Was it that obvious? Maybe it was the staring into his eyes at dinner. Or the laughs they shared about their time in the army that they only understood. Either way, it had her thinking about him again, and it was the first time she had been without him in the past 2 months. Only 5 minutes had passed since he left and kissed her. Kissed her…Mulan couldn't help but smirk at the words._

_"Ah look at her," Granny Fa gestured towards Mulan. "The girl is smiling like a girl in love. He kissed you didn't he?"_

_Mulan laughed and shook her head. "I'm going to bed."_

_"Oh Mulan," her mother sighed, "You know he's perfect for you! And when you get married, oh your kids will be beautiful."_

_Her father walked in and said sternly, "Loving an army man isn't always what it's supposed to be my dear daughter. But Li Shang is a good man. I know he will treat you well."_

_"Baba, you say it as if Shang and I are getting married," Mulan laughed._

_Her father only smirked and walked away._

A few years later and Mulan finally understood the meaning of her father's words. He was right. Life was hard, being with an army man. Yet she wouldn't trade it for anything, no matter how much she cried and missed him.

Mulan looked at her stomach and felt around it. She remembered the words Shang said to her when she told him that she was pregnant. She would never forget that for as long as she lived, and how he took her in, no matter how disgraceful she was. She smiled and looked out the window, "_Boy, you stand by me. I'm forever yours, faithfully…_"

* * *

_Crazy life under the big top world _

Shang sighed as he and his soldiers traveled again along the trail. He knew that today would be the day they would meet the enemy. He listened as the soldiers sung a song similar to the one Ling started last time. He smiled as he remembered how awkward Mulan felt as they put their arms around her and sung what she didn't want to be.

Shang turned around and watched as the soldiers joked around. He laughed and thought, "_We all need the clowns to make us smile._"

He sighed and thought again about the war. "_Through space and time always another war…_" he said bitterly. He looked around at his surroundings knowing any time that he could be hit with an arrow. Yet his mind drifted to Mulan again, "_Wondering where I am lost without you…_"

No, Shang knew he had to clear his head. Otherwise, he would not live much longer. Shang looked the Great Wall and found the area left unguarded by it. He gestured for the men to follow him.

"Get ready men," Shang warned them. "We are in enemy territory. An attack could come any moment." He looked around at the area and watched as the branches moved unnaturally against the wind. His eyes widened as he realized what was going on.

"IT'S AN AMBUSH!" He screamed as his soldiers. "Get into formation!" Shang looked worriedly at his soldiers, who were trying to get out of range. However, he couldn't help but smile as he watched his soldiers swiftly take out the men hiding in the forest. He had really trained them well.

"CHARGE!" the leader shouted, and Shang saw a large amount of men moving from the forest into the open path, in target. They were all charging at them on horseback, an alarming rate.

Shang immediately turned around to his men and shouted, "Aim your arrows at those men!"

In a few shots, his men swiftly took out the enemy, as easily as they shot apples on the trees in training. Yet no matter how swiftly they knocked out the army, many more charged forward at them. Shang felt overwhelmed and he could see the fear in his men's eyes. He knew that if they stayed and fought, they would mostly likely die in a quick battle.

"RETREAT!" Shang shouted to his men, and charged into the hidden parts of the forest. His men quickly followed and got out of range of the enemy's arrows.

They quickly ran into a cave deep within the forest. The soldiers ran one behind the other into the cave, and Shang took account of all his men. They were all here, and exhausted from running. Shang got off his horse and slumped against the cave wall. He looked worriedly at the door of the cave, hoping the enemy had not followed them.

Shang looked to two men and motioned for them to come to him. The men immediately sprinted towards their leader and knelt down as they waited for his orders. "I need you two to scout the enemy," he said to them. "Find out whether they have moved from their position or have decided to stay put where they are. Find out exactly how many men we must face in battle, and how many are on horseback, or on foot." The men nodded and swiftly ran out of the cave.

He groaned and looked at his strategies once again. Shang had never expected this many men to be here. He never expected the battle to be this great. He had hoped it would have just been a small rebel force, one he could have easily taken out. But he had miscalculated, and did not think like a general. He should have expected the unexpected. This was his fault, and now if they were to be discovered here, they would all die. If he somehow was able to live, they would call him the coward General and disgrace the Li name.

His only choices were to fight a bit each day and then retreat again like he did, or ambush the men. But that wasn't an honorable way of battling. He had bragged to the Emperor that his men could fight like 10 Mongol forces. Some general he was, he didn't even have faith in his men. Just a few minutes into the battle and he retreated. His men were strong enough to fight these men and win, they could win. But why he was scared then? Why did he retreat? It was because he was afraid to lose, he was afraid to lose a man, and he was afraid that he might never go home again. And he didn't even get to tell Mulan that he was married to her, or that he loved her.

Shang reached into his bag and reached for an empty scroll. He looked into his bag and took out all 10 scrolls. Each day he had been writing to Mulan on the scroll as if each scroll was a diary of how he felt. He didn't know how he would have been able to send them, but wrote on them anyway, to ease up his stress and to feel as if he was talking to her each day. He took the last scroll he had prepared to write what he believed would be his last letter.

"_My Dear Mulan,_" Shang started. He grimaced. It seemed too formal, too cold, too unlike him. It seemed like it lacked a soul.

"_Mulan,_" he started again. How do you write when you think that this day will be your last? He sighed.

"_Mulan, each day I have spent away from you has been painful at the least. I'm afraid this is my final letter to you. I write this to you, knowing fully well that I may never see you again. My father always had a farewell letter stashed in his bag just in case he died. My mother and I never saw it until he died that day. He wrote it the day he became a General, and as I read it, I couldn't have fathomed how a man wrote early in his career about his possible fate. Truth is I have written several letters like this in my day. I have over 20, each one written before I depart from home, each one with you in mind. I have said the same things about how much I miss you and how much I love you, but I have written that in each of my letters to you, letters that I have never sent to you. _

_But as I write this, I have a vision of you on the floor weeping hysterically as you read this letter. This letter will be different, however. Because this time is different from each time I've left from battle. This time I have a wife and a kid on the way. I much more to lose, much more to miss, and much more to hate myself for leaving. More importantly, you have lost your memory. And I'm afraid I will not be there the day you remember my favorite memory of us. _

_My favorite memory has always been our wedding day. I had hoped that one day when our children get married, that we would reminisce on that day, but I'm afraid that day will not come. I laugh at how much trouble I went through just to marry you, yet it was all worth it. I could never describe that day in just one word, or in just a few sentences. It would take me forever. We could recreate it, but it would never truly show or recreate the pure bliss you and I had on that very moment we kissed for the first time as husband and wife and happily looked into each other's eyes, thinking about our future life together. The past 5 years that we have been married have been the happiest years of my life. But my biggest regret was being a horrible husband to you. I have not loved you the way I had promised to love you, with the same love I felt on the day I followed you home knowing that you were the one for me, with the same love on day I proposed to you, or with the same love I felt on the day I married you. I promised your father I would be a good man to you, but I wasn't. But I never did lie to you or was unfaithful to you. I only lied to you about being previously married to another woman just so that you would remember our marriage all on your own. I didn't want to have to tell you. I didn't want you to feel obligated to be by my side, when I knew fully well that I didn't deserve you to be by my side. You deserved better than me and I knew it. I just wanted to see if you felt the same way I did about it, and thankfully you didn't._

_Over the past couple of months that I've spent with you, helping you remember our past together, I've fallen deeper in love with you, something I didn't think was possible. And now, we're apart again, right when we were working things out. And it is my fault._

_Now I won't be there for our first child's birth. I won't be there when he or she grows up. I won't be there for his or her wedding. More importantly, I won't be there for you when you need me. I won't be there on each night that you cry or feel lonely. And I'm sorry._

_But as I conclude this letter and prepare to run out into battle, you will be on my mind. You will always be on my mind and in my heart. I love you Mulan, and I always have. I promised to be yours, till the day that I die. I am forever yours, faithfully._"

Shang teared up as he wrote that last line, and quickly put his hand to his face to hide his tears. This letter was in a sense, his last goodbye to Mulan, the goodbye he should have given her before he left, the goodbye he should give each time he leaves if he survives. Shang dried his tears and gloomily placed the scroll in his bag, at the very bottom. He silently prayed to the ancestors that Mulan would never have to read that letter.

The two scouts immediately came back. Shang stood up once he saw them and waited for their news. One man looked slightly nervous, while one man had slight joy on his face, mixed with excitement. Shang looked at them curiously, wondering what news they were going to bring.

"There are over a thousand men on horseback almost as numerous as the amount of Huns we faced the first time. There are no men on foot, but they all carry swords," one soldier said.

Shang turned to the other solider, who was exuberant, "And what is the good news?"

"We can take these men today. They aren't nearly as adept as we are," he beamed.

Shang rolled his eyes and punched the scout. "What is this? The matchmaker? Be serious here! You should always expect the unexpected with your enemy." He turned to face the rest of his men. "I want you men to fight with your all today. It's go home or die!" Shang then gestured for his men to come closer. He had a plan.

* * *

Shang stood in the pathway, on the spot of the previous battle. He stood valiantly there awaiting the arrival of his enemy. He was ready. Shang looked back at his faithful soldiers, who stood there awaiting his command.

He stiffened at bit as he saw the enemy approaching slowly. Shang took in a deep breath. They could do this. They trained for this. Plus, Shang was ready in case he had to die. His horse knew what to do. He would travel home if he could and deliver the message to Mulan. Shang stood still as he watched the other army approach him.

Suddenly the shouts of the enemy could be heard, and thunderous hooves hitting the ground could be heard from far away. Yet Shang stood firm and still, not retreating or making a single move. He let the enemy approach him at a close range. Shang counted down the distance they were away from him. Just as they approached him at an eye distance, hundreds of arrows fired at the men, knocking them off their horses.

"CHARGE!" Shang shouted to his men, and they ran towards the enemy.

Swiftly and forcefully his men took out the soldiers on foot, and some of his hidden soldiers attacked them from hidden parts of the forest. Shang was then able to press forward with a couple of his men towards their leader. As Shang cut his way towards the leader, he noticed that the leader was doing about the same. Shang killed off the men he passed by until he finally met up with the leader. In one swift movement, Shang was able to knock him off his horse and onto the ground. In the center of the battlefield, he and Shang faced off. Shang immediately jumped off his horse to face the man eye to eye.

"Well well," the man taunted Shang, "if it isn't General Li's weak son. I heard a girl saved you."

Shang laughed, "And what are you? Shan Yu's bastard son?"

The man angrily charged at him, and Shang held him back with his sword. They clashed swords and held each other back long enough to be able to look each other in the eye.

"In case you didn't know," Shang yelled, "That girl happened to kill your fearless leader."

"Well she did what you failed to do," the man taunted Shang. Shang only smirked, showing that it didn't bother him in the least bit. The man tried to press harder, but Shang only responded with the same strength. "Doesn't it bother you in the least bit?"

Shang laughed, "Not at all. I trained her."

"And that's all you'll ever be," the man answered him.

"No it's not!" Shang yelled and kicked the man in the gut, sending him to the ground.

The leader immediately stood up and regained himself. Shang charged towards him and it became a sword battle, while Shang's soldiers fought all around them. Shang fiercely fought against the leader, with faster sword hits and better techniques than the man. Yet the leader had brute strength and seemingly showed no weakness despite the many hits Shang threw at him. This battle was now a mental struggle.

"It seems like you're losing this battle," Shang smirked and gestured to the many enemy soldiers falling all around him. "And you should know, in the end the master is always better. I didn't even need an avalanche to defeat you."

The man angrily moved his sword in the direction of Shang's head, but Shang was able to counter his attack. "Well you're lucky, your little whore wasn't able to save you this time."

Shang growled, "She's hardly a whore," he challenged and pushed more. "unlike your father who jumped from woman to woman. Too bad his sons all turned out to be weak!"

"Ha! Well you couldn't make a hero out of a disgraceful woman like her," he said finally before pushing Shang over the edge.

"That is enough!" Shang yelled and angrily forced his sword towards the man, swinging in every direction he could.

"I knew it! You love her!" the leader gasped in fake surprise. He laughed evilly as he dodged each one of Shang's attacks. "You would do anything you could to save her."

Shang growled, "Leave her out of this!"

The man smirked, finally knowing Shang's weakness. "Mulan? That's her name right?"

Shang's anger was growing with each word he spoke.

"Ah what a dirty little girl," the man laughed hysterically, "I could make your Heroine scream. I would force her to do things you wish you could do with her. By the time I was finished with her, she'd be screaming my name wanting more from me," he laughed before Shang did one strong kick to his head, knocking him on the ground. He lay there weak and dizzy from the kick.

Shang forcefully put his foot on his chest and held his sword right above the leader's heart. Though the man should have been afraid and pleading for his life, he only smiled and laughed. "That woman is your weakness," he chuckled, "Word of advice General, you lost your control over the mere mention of her name. You would have died if you fought with Shan Yu." He laughed again. "Oh and you can tell your little wife that I enjoyed that night that I spent with her, and enjoyed hear that little virgin scream. Tell Mulan she gave me one hell of a night."

"Take it back," Shang seethed through his teeth.

"Never," the man laughed, "Oh and you can tell your wife I'll compensate her for her time with me by letting her have my gold." He flashed Shang a toothless smile.

Shang's face twisted into a sort of evil no one had ever seen before. He clenched his sword so tightly that it was shaking in his hand. The strain could be shown in his neck, and in eyes was an evil that frightened the leader. His expression immediately changed once he saw Shang's face.

"Never talk about her that way!" Shang yelled at him. He then leaned in closer to say, "Oh and I'm going to enjoy hearing you scream when I kill you." He then angrily thrusted his sword into the man's heart and twisted his sword. Once had finished butchering up the man, he removed his sword and wiped it on the leader's face and clothes.

He sighed and looked at the battlefield around him. Shang looked proudly at his soldiers, who stood there, exhausted but strong. They had won. Yet Shang felt the battle was not truly over. He still felt angry over the man's words, even though they were not true at all. The man was right. He had lost self-control. He almost lost that battle. Shang knew better than to lose control, and would remember that next time.

The soldiers walked up to him and looked at the dead leader, grimacing at the sight of the leader.

"Does this mean we can go home now sir?" a soldier asked him.

Shang smiled, "Yes it does." He looked around his soldiers and noticed that someone was missing. "I was happy that I wouldn't have had to deliver any messages to any women, but now I'm afraid I may have to. I need to know, where is Ping?"

All the soldiers looked around at each other and then back at him.

"Is there anyone else missing?" Shang asked worriedly.

The men shook their head. "Just Ping sir," they answered.

Shang groaned. He couldn't do this. He couldn't deliver a message, like the god of death. He couldn't. "Search the area men! We need to find him soon! Was he even here before battle?"

The men shrugged. One soldier said, "He was singing with us sir. I don't know where he could have gone to. I didn't see him before battle."

The men searched extensively for a while, moving backwards as they went. They spent an hour in each place, searching for even his body. Yet Ping was nowhere to be found. With each soldier reporting of no sign of Ping, Shang fell more into despair. His only companion on the road, his only friend during this time, and he was the only soldier to have gone missing under his command. His father always said it was the hardest part, but now, he knew why it was even more difficult than his father explained. Shang knew what he had to do.

* * *

Shang walked up the steps of the small brown house. Earlier, he had sent his soldiers home, and watched as they happily greeted their wives. He couldn't wait to do the same, but he knew he had to do this first before he went home. It wouldn't be right. And now, he was holding back the tears and trying so hard not to lose control of his emotions.

Shang knocked on the door of the small house. He breathed in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Shang breathed slowly trying to keep his composure, and he did until a beautiful young lady opened the door. He held his breath as a thousand thoughts ran through his head.

"Oh no," she said breathlessly. "You're General Li aren't you?"

"Mommy," a little girl ran to the door. "Is Baba home?" The little girl looked up at him with saddened eyes. "You're not my father. Who are you?"

The woman silently hushed her daughter and sent her inside, reprimanding her for her outspoken behavior. She then turned back to Shang, "I'm sorry. I apologize for my daughter's audacity."

Shang smiled, "No, it is fine. I…I…" he sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought. He wanted to break the news to the woman as sympathetically as he could without breaking down as well, and leave there before the situation got worse.

"Would you like some tea?" the woman asked politely. "I started brewing some before you came. My newborn son had just fallen asleep."

Shang shook his head, "No…thank you for the offer though." He groaned internally. It was getting harder to do his job.

"You know my husband was always so fond of your wife and you," the woman smiled a painful smile, holding back her tears as she did. "He said, 'My dear, I respect the General, but I hope you never have to see him, unless I am with him.'" The woman chuckled and wiped her tears as they fell.

"I'm sorry," Shang told her softly.

The woman shook her head, "Please say it isn't so," she sobbed. "I have just a newborn son, with another on the way," she held on tightly to her barely visible stomach. Shang groaned as he looked at her stomach. The woman's voice broke, "How am I supposed to support myself and my family? Please tell me, did he die a swift death or did he suffer?"

Shang hung his head in shame but then forced himself to look her in the eyes, "I don't know what happened to him. We never found his body. All my soldiers claimed to have never seen him before battle. I can only hope that he is alive and coming home as we speak."

The woman broke down at the doorstep. Shang fought so hard not to cry as well. He leaned down and tried to comfort the woman, but she turned away. He never knew it would be this hard. But as he looked at the grieving woman, he only saw Mulan crying at the doorstep, in the mercy of the messenger.

"Is there anything I can do to help ease the pain?" Shang asked sympathetically.

The woman shook her head and told him, "Go home. Treat your wife like every day is your last," she said to him through her tears. "Because you never know what will happen, or when you will see her again. Let her know that you love her, so that when you leave, she'll be okay."

"Did he…?" Shang started, but was confirmed by the lady's smile.

"He kissed him and told me that he loved me and would for as long as he lived."

* * *

Shang raced home. He could meet up with the Emperor later. Right now he needed to see Mulan. It had been so long since he had seen her. And he had received no news from her. _"__Being apart isn't easy on this love affair,__" _Shang thought as he hurried home. All this time he had been trying to get Mulan to fall in love with him again.

He thought about all the time he had spent with her this year_. _"It was almost like two strangers learn to fall in love again," he thought. As he tried to recreate their story for her and get her to fall in love with him again, he fell as well. He realized why he married her a few years ago. But it was his fault. It wouldn't have been that way if it wasn't for him. He would be running home to a wife, instead of a girl who was afraid of him and angry at him. He never realized how much he really missed her until now. He smiled as he pictured Mulan sitting under the cherry blossom tree, waiting for him, _"I get the joy of rediscovering you."_

Soon he would see her. Soon he would hold her in his arms and tell her how much he missed her, how much he loved her, and how he would never leave her for as long as he lived.  
_"__Oh girl, you stand by me__," _Shang thought. "Through thick and thin, through bad times and good. No matter what you were there for me. _I'm forever yours, faithfully."_

* * *

Mulan looked out at her window. Rain was starting to pour. The sky had gotten so cloudy, but night had not yet fallen. Mulan had hoped that Shang would be home today. He would run into the backyard and to her back door. He would be home. She left a candle burning at her desk as she looked out the window.

Mulan sighed. She wanted to feel the rain. It had been so long since she had done so. She walked past her parents who sat the table looking at her and worrying about her.

She walked outside and just looked up at the sky and felt the rain fall gently upon her face. At least, she could cry without anyone knowing. She brought her head down and looked at the gate and started to cry. For a while she just stood there and hoped that she would see Shang walk through that gate. But nothing changed. As the rain fell harder and faster, Mulan decided to go inside.

Suddenly a horse whined from afar. Mulan turned around and looked at the gate, which had remained unchanged. She sighed and cursed herself for imagining something. Mulan slowly walked back to the house.

"_Mulan!" _a faint voice cried out to her. Her eyes widened._ Could it be? _

She cursed herself again for imagining things until she heard it again.

"_Mulan!"_

She immediately turned around and saw Shang running towards her. Mulan stared in awe at the man running towards her. She felt numb as he ran towards her, not knowing how to act.

Shang smiled and looked at her breathlessly as he finally stood in front of her. "Mulan," he said breathlessly. "I'm so glad I got to see you again."

Mulan smiled and screamed, "Shang!" as she jumped into his arms.

He swung her around and then finally put her down on the ground, but kept held her tightly in his arms and looked her in the eyes, "What are you doing crying out here?" he smiled and dried her tears.

Mulan smiled, "I missed you. What did you expect?"

Shang chuckled, "Remind me to go to the Emperor and tell him I quit as General."

Mulan smiled and put her arms around him, "Don't do that. You worked hard for that position. Don't quit for me."

"I never realized how often I was gone," he confessed. "I…I didn't realize it until I watched a woman break down in front of me after finding out her husband was gone. I don't ever want that to happen. I don't think I could ever allow that to happen to you. I missed you so much," he shook his head, "You have no idea. And these men, they brought in these women in from another town for the night, and…it disgusted me." He sighed, "I could never do that to you, no matter what. I love you too much."

"I never forgot what you told me," Mulan said, "_I'm forever yours faithfully__."_

Shang smiled and leaned in to kiss her, bringing her in closer, never wanting to let go.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I just wanted to say, this chapter was actually based off the Glee version of the song. I loved hearing both the guy and the girl singing and it made me think of Mulan and Shang. They were both feeling lonely while far apart, yet they felt the same way, and wanted to say faithful to each other. This has always been my favorite Journey chapter so I put alot of effort into writing this chapter! Usually when I put (Originally by...) it means it is originally by this band, but I wrote it based off another cover. For example, the chapter I'll Stand By You was based off Carrie Underwood's version. (Just a little tid bit, in case you cared! which I bet half of you don't lol, but keep reading because the next part is about my next chapter!)

Um, in case you are wondering, I have written the 16th chapter, but...I'm a bit afraid to release it to you guys for several reasons. It is done and proofreaded through, I'm just a little nervous. It is probably the first time I have written something like that and I just don't know what you guys will think. My english teacher told me, any writer who is afraid to say what he or she feels is sacrificing their ownself. Well, it feels weird releasing this chapter, because it is so unlike me. But I just cannot skip it and add the other. I've even written the 17th chapter already, I'm just waiting to muster up the courage to publish it.

Anyways, thank you SOO MUCH to those who read my stories and a big huge special thanks to I-love-mulan13, bao li na, and starzinmyeyez for reviewing! I always love reading you guys reviews! So please tell me what you think of this chapter! :)


	16. Just Breathe

Chapter 18 – Breathe (Anna Nalick)

"Lin!" Mulan ran into the Matchmaker's waiting chamber, some place she swore she would never go again. She looked around for her friend, expecting to see her friend down on the ground sobbing heavily or at least that's what she had thought would be like after receiving a desperate message from her. Instead she found her friend hiding her face behind a fan and calm and composed. Lin walked slowly towards Mulan and stumbled a bit as she did.

"What's wrong?" Mulan asked her best friend in a whisper quiet enough to where only Lin could hear. If Lin was truly distraught, she was great at hiding it, something all Chinese women had to be skilled at. Mulan closely examined her friend in the eyes she could see how red her eyes were from crying. When Mulan asked her what was wrong again, Lin let out a loud sob.

Immediately all the girls in the room turned and looked at Lin with accusing eyes. Mulan eyed them all until they stopped looking. "They're looking at me aren't they?" Lin asked Mulan. She nodded. Lin turned around and yelled, "_Hypocrites! You're all here for the very same reason!_" Mulan smiled at the audacity of her friend and gently escorted her out of the building and walked out the doors before she made another scene.

She walked Lin to a small unknown restaurant that only the locals knew about and sat her down in a private secluded part of the restaurant. "_I don't love him_," Lin immediately yelled and broke down in a hysterical sob. "I can't go through with this marriage! I've tried pleading with the Matchmaker and with my parents. He's so cold and heartless. And he's not…"

"He's not the man you're in love with right now," Mulan finished her sentence. "What is his name Lin? You won't be able to do this and bring honor to your family if you don't stop seeing this other guy."

"That's just it!" Lin retorted, "I don't love anyone else. I'm not seeing anyone else. I just don't want to get married. I want to be able to meet the guy I'm going to marry and get to know him first before I decide to marry him. Mulan, Shang's proposal to you is not completely unorthodox, but it's just so rare in this society of arranged marriages and matches. I want that. I just know that my life will be miserable if I marry this man."

Mulan sighed and placed a reassuring hand on her friend's hand. "I can't tell you that marriage is easy, and love certainly isn't any easier. But you can't change what's already been said. You have to take things head on and _just breathe._"

"Easy for you," Lin muttered, "You're happily with Mr. Perfect."

Mulan laughed, "Well," she said as she pushed her hair the fell in front of her face behind her ear, "I was lucky. Normally it would have been a disgrace, but I've just learned not to really care anymore about what others think of me. Don't let your mother hear me, she would never let me see you."

Lin laughed, "Well not all of us can marry a General, especially one that really loves you. I mean it's been what? Five years now? Five years since he swept you off your feet and moved you out of this town! And people were saying you were barren, but you're carrying his child!"

Mulan's heart was racing. Her best friend would never lie to her. But there was no way what she had just told her was true. Shang was married before, or at least that's what he said. But lately she had been having flashbacks or memories of them together, or at least she thought they were flashbacks because they contradicted with things Shang had told her. But they weren't dreams. They couldn't have been. Sure they were everything she wanted, but she couldn't have dreamt them. In her flashbacks she and Shang spent a lot of time together and did things only a married couple would do. Sure they weren't a traditional couple, but they both knew their boundaries and it showed as they spent time together over the past few months. Unless…

Mulan's head was spinning. Everything in the room was turning into a blur. Even Jia, who sat just a few inches from her, was now a blur. She could barely see…

Mulan fell from the chair and hit the ground.

"Help!" Lin screamed and tried to pick Mulan up.

* * *

_Mulan smiled as she admired Shang. He was so intent on his work that he didn't even notice her walk in. She sat on the bed while he sat in the desk across from her. He had just celebrated his birthday while training the troops at the Academy and Mulan had traveled far just to see him, but even then they barely spent any time together. She felt as if he was slowly slipping away from her, and he was so distant as if he was somewhere else. Mulan sighed. She could tell he's been down for a while. But when he's happy, Mulan thought, it's so beautiful when he smiles. Mulan wanted to hold him and take him away from his work and distract him even just for an hour and spend some quality time with him._

"_What's wrong Mulan?" Shang asked without even looking up from his work._

"_I should be asking you that," Mulan answered him with concern in her voice._

_Shang raised his voice as if he was annoyed, "What's that supposed to me?" but still didn't look up from his work._

_Mulan angrily got up and looked at him in awe. There was no way she would let him talk to her like that. She stared at him hoping he would look up from his work so they could talk, but he didn't. In anger, Mulan threw all of his work down on the ground. Shang stood up in a rage._

"_What in the world was that for?" Shang yelled at her. "You know I have to turn these reports in to the Emperor in a few days! I don't have time for this Mulan!"_

"_You're never here Shang!" Mulan yelled at him. "You're either out on the road or at the Academy training the new recruits! Or there's another war and you're called on duty! Or you're at the palace defending the Emperor or saving China! And when you're here I don't feel like you're here! You're so focused on your work you don't have time for me!"_

"_Well what do you want me to do Mulan?" Shang threw his hands up in the air. "I'm a General! I saw my father do the same thing! You think he had time to play with me? He only taught me how to fight!"_

_Mulan shook her head and crossed her arms defensively, "And here you are, you are exactly the man you said that you hated. You are your father's son!"_

_In a rage, Shang picked up a wine bottle and threw it at Mulan. Luckily she ducked and it hit the window instead. "How dare you?" he yelled at her. "How dare you say something like that to me?"_

_Mulan's eyes filled with tears. She shook her head and whimpered, "No Shang, how dare you!" And with that she ran from the room._

_Shang looked at the room around him. He looked at the empty glass of wine. How many times had he filled that today? He looked at the papers on the floor. Were they really that important to neglect Mulan? More importantly, what she said was true. And was it so hurtful for him to hear the truth that he had to scare Mulan away?_

_Mulan watched Shang in the room from the cracked hole in the window. She watched as he cradled his head his hands and cried. And as she watched him, she cried. What was she doing? She wondered.  
_

* * *

Shang leaned against the wall in the hall and slid against it as he slumped to the ground. Mulan was in the room across from him and a doctor was with her. Lin sat in the adjacent room and rocked back in forth thinking her friend's current state was her fault. No matter how Shang tried to convince her it wasn't her fault, she wouldn't listen. Much in the same way Shang tried to convince himself that it wasn't his fault. He felt that he was to blame for this.

"What happened?" Fa Li asked Shang as she ran in from the kitchen.

"I don't know," Shang told her with tears welling in his eyes. He put his head in his hands, "I don't know. I just don't know!" Fa Zhou put a reassuring hand on his shoulder as Fa Li and Mulan's grandmother ran into the room. "I just feel as if this is all my fault. Everything," he confessed to her father. "If I wasn't such a horrible husband to her, she wouldn't have been in this situation. If I wasn't such a horrible husband she wouldn't have lost her memory."

"There's nothing you could have done my son," Fa Zhou reassured him. "We can only pray that Mulan is okay and so is the child. _These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again if you only try turning around. Just breathe. _Everything will turn out fine."

Suddenly a scream came from the chamber. Shang immediately stood up to run into the room, but Fa Zhou held him back. Mulan screamed again and Shang fought the urge to run in there. Her mother and grandmother immediately rushed out with grins on their face, which was comforting to Shang.

"She's in labor," Granny Fa told him with a grin. "You're going to be a father Shang!"

Shang sighed and smiled. He didn't know how to respond. He wanted to jump up and punch the air. His joy was showing up in his face. Shang was all grins. He paced the floor back and forth trying to figure out a good name for his future daughter or son and how to tell Mulan that it was his child. He was so happy. He couldn't wait until Mulan figured out that they were married before.

Suddenly the door opened and the midwife called Mulan's mother and grandmother into the room. Only women could be in the room while a woman was in labor. Shang watched and gave them a look of joy before they entered the room. The excitement was eating at him. When the door closed Mulan gave out another scream of pain and there was silence. Shang waited to hear an infant's cries, but there were none. Seconds later, Shang heard cries, coming from a woman, not an infant. Soon Fa Li and Mulan's grandmother walked out with solemn looks painted on their face. Shang's smile quickly faded from his face. He looked at them in awe. But before he could speak the midwife came out of the room bearing news for the General.

Her face was enough news for Shang. His worst fears came true. "I'm sorry General Li," she told him as gently as she could. Shang hung his head as the tears formed in his eyes. "It was a stillborn. The baby didn't have a chance…"

Before she could finish, Shang walked into his room and shut the door. From outside they could hear his shouts and the sound of things being thrown around. Finally Shang collapsed in the middle of the floor and soaked his hands in tears. He had failed as a friend. He had failed as a husband. And now he had failed as a father.

* * *

Soon Shang walked out of his room. Lin, the midwife, Fa Zhou and Fa Li and Granny Fa were all still gathered in the hall, but were closer to his room than Mulan's. They all looked at him with concern on their face. They were more concerned about him than Mulan.

"Shang," Fa Li started, "Are you…"

"How's Mulan?" he immediately asked.

"She's fine," Fa Zhou assured him. "But how are you my son?"

Shang turned to him and sternly answered, "I'm fine. But if you can excuse me, I'm going to go check on my wife. The person who needs more of your concern and care than I do." He moved away from them fighting the tears and gaining the courage to stay strong for both him and Mulan. Shang sighed and opened the door to her room where he saw her lying on the bed and her eyes red from crying.

"Shang," Mulan started. Her voice was raspy and she looked weak.

"Shh," Shang started and rushed over to her. "Save your energy," he told her and sat on the bed next to her. He removed the covers and slid in next to her and put his arm around her.

"I'm so sorry," Mulan said breathlessly as more tears fell from her eyes.

Shang hugged her tighter and cried as he held her closer. "It wasn't your fault Mulan," he whispered in her ear. "It wasn't your fault," he assured her again as more tears fell from his face. "Stop worrying. Everything will be fine," he told her and wiped the tears from her face and from his. "Just breathe. Just breathe."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Many apologies for the long absence! I've been quite busy! I hope you guys liked this chapter. Before you guys get angry at me for what happened in this chapter, I'm sorry. I had planned this to happen before I even wrote the 2nd chapter. Please R&R! I hope you guys continue to read my stories! I will update more regularly!


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